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Do you enjoy being a mama? - Page 4

Poll Results: Do you enjoy being a mama?

 
  • 15% (71)
    I absolutely love it all the time
  • 55% (254)
    I love it most of the time, but I have my moments.
  • 17% (79)
    It depends on the day
  • 9% (44)
    I love my kids but i don't really enjoy mothering
  • 0% (4)
    I honestly don't enjoy mothering at all
  • 0% (3)
    other
455 Total Votes  
post #61 of 115
Quote:
Originally Posted by Eman'smom View Post
I think it would be intresting to do this study on 60? year old women. Woman who are past child rearing years and have either had kids or hadn't and rate their happiness. Sure in the moment a nice dinner and glass of wine is a whole lot more enjoyable than trying to grocery shop with a newborn and 2 year old but 20 years later you have the payoff with the kids the dinner is long gone.


Like most people I have my days and moments but over all I wouldn't change it.
And that is my perspective. 3 of my kids are grown and 2 of them have kids of their own. I also have an 11 yo. I've also never considered whether or not I'm happy in the moment. It's only in looking back, that I can see that, over all, I have been happy in my choices.
post #62 of 115
GoestoShow,

Thank you for sharing that. I am sure that there are women reading here who can relate to you but are not feeling confident to write it down.

I hope that your healing process takes a positive turn soon.

For me, I began intergrating parts of my old self only during the late toddler years. It took time and it was difficult. Hang in there, Mama.
post #63 of 115
Quote:
Originally Posted by sewchris2642 View Post
I've been thinking about this ever since I voted. The problem is that just like I love dh and being married, love my career, and love my life, there are things about each of them that bug me and drive me crazy at times.
I agree. I feel that way about everything. That's why I couldn't honestly say I always love being a mama. I don't always love anything. I mean...I always love dh and my kids...but they still drive me crazy sometimes, and I don't always love interacting with them, looking after them, etc. I don't think that's a problem, though.

Quote:
There is nothing wrong with that. I've never expected to be happy all the time. Life isn't like that.
Exactly. I feel the same way. But, that's exactly why I wouldn't answer the poll with the "I always love it" option (can't remember exactly how it's phrased).

I think, in some cases at least, this is more a matter of how we each interpret the question and the answer options.


And, can I just say that I loved that you said you're having a blast being a grandma. There's a distinct possibility that all my fertility issues are going to have a nice payoff for me...I may not have that long a gap between having a baby in the house and having a grandbaby around. I think I'd like that.
post #64 of 115
I voted I love my kids but don't really enjoy being a mother. But I guess after reading all these posts I have to say that it's more or less that tasks of mothering that I don't enjoy. I suppose I do love being a mother and my kids bring me joy most of the time. But I guess I think I really wasn't cut out to be a SAHM. Although that is what I'm doing right now. And precisely why I"m stopping at 2 kids.
post #65 of 115

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Edited by GoestoShow - 12/3/10 at 11:24am
post #66 of 115
Always - every minute, every day. I often wish I could go back just to relive it again. They're growing up too fast and I'm getting so melancholic lately.
post #67 of 115
Quote:
Originally Posted by *Erin* View Post
i voted that i have my moments...
who doesn't?
and really, does *anyone* walk around blissfully loving what they are doing in life 100% of the time? like, without drugs or something?!
post #68 of 115
Quote:
Originally Posted by GoestoShow View Post
I wouldn't do it again if I could do it over. The birth of my son completely turned my identity upside down, inside out, and then tore it apart ---- along with my body. I've had so many complications. I've seen doctors, physical therapists, chiropractors, mental health therapists, and so on. I'm tired all the time. I don't ever have five minutes to recharge, and I'm running on fumes. Being a mother for me has been a miserable experience. I can't say there's one single thing about it that I full-heartedly enjoy.

If I had known about what happened to me during his birth, that we'd fail at breastfeeding and I'd be ostracized and criticized for this failure by others, that he'd have extreme colic for nearly 10 weeks, and that there'd nothing at all of myself from my pre-motherhood days ahead of time, I really truly wouldn't have gone through with it.

Will this change someday? Who knows? In order for that to happen, the physical pain would need to end, my body would need to freaking recover, and, honestly, something would have to happen to show me exactly why this has been worth it.
Mama I am so sorry you're going through this. I had a similar experience - my first year - scratch that, 2 years - were the hardest, most painful, infuriating, dark and depressing years of my life. I was completely lost, alone & empty. I even loathed being around my daughter, especially after those months and months of "colic." When she reached for me I wanted to scream. Every night when my husband got home I left. I couldn't stand being home anymore.

Things did change for me. A LONG road of medication, therapy, couples therapy, LOTS of time to love and forgive myself, taking time for myself to persue things I want to do have all been really important for me. I even returned to school last year, but have since taken a break to enjoy being at home with my daughter - which is huge for me. My daughter is in preschool now and I have the luxury of my IL's & my mom who are close to spend time with her regularly. The time to myself has made a HUGE difference.

Clearly I'm pregnant again & I am terrified I'm going to have to experience it all over. I just don't think I'm a "baby" person. I not only not enjoy the infant stage, it is really taxing on me. I have a lot of support that I derived by necessity of those first couple of years with my daughter, so I hope things are at least more predictable.

I don't know - I'm sending you so much love right now mama. Most people will never "get" what you are going through - don't ever let that get to you. You have it completely different than anyone else raising their baby. Your circumstances are WAY harder, mindbogglingly so - don't judge yourself based on others. ANYTHING you do is a remarkable feat - a miracle. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other... if you have any spirituality, lean on it as much as you can.

"If you're going through hell, keep going" -Winston Churchill
post #69 of 115
I enjoy it most of the time. There are times my kids annoy me and goodness knows my SN 2 year old is a handful and she's also emotionally exhausting because she's so medically unstable. But parenting them is so REWARDING!!! I wouldn't change a thing.
post #70 of 115
I voted that I love it most of the time but I have my moments. It was close, I do feel like I could have voted that I love it all the time. Except that when ds (my first child) was born I did go through a pretty big adjustment period to both staying at home and being a mom and for a little while I thought, "I can't do this, I was not ready for this, this was a mistake."

Once I got a handle on being a mom, now I do enjoy it all the time. I don't always enjoy being a STAY AT HOME mom, though--although I would never change it. Sometimes the stress of being in the house all the time, not seeing other adults for days on end, doing the same housework day in and day out. THAT is what gets to me sometimes. Not being a mom.
post #71 of 115
I love it, but sometimes need a break for a few hours. If I had money for a babysitter once a week, I'd be in parenting nirvana.
post #72 of 115
I am REALLY really wondering about the content of that study, and how they defined "happiness." I have a couple of childless friends (not by choice, childless by "not yet meeting Mr. Right") and their lives just seem to empty compared to mine. I see this wistful longing on their faces when they see me with my kids. Sure, they get to do all kinds of "entertainment" that I can't afford, but is that really happiness?
post #73 of 115
Quote:
Originally Posted by meemee View Post
i absolutely love, love, love being a mother. my dd is 7 now and i miss the child everyday as i see her grow up. however i do have moments when i need a break from her.

however i will say i am happier as a mom rather than not a mom. being a mom profoundly changed my life and changed me completely. i think i have a 'deeper' way of living. mothering brings out the best in me - rather than the worst. i have had a LOT of stress after being a mother - and it was my baby who kept me sane.

with all my identities - as an individual, student, dd, coparent.... i am more a mother than anything else.

nothing has brought me more joy than watching my little girl grow up.


After all the roles I've had in my life, when I became a Mom at the age of 30, I felt I was finally doing what I was meant to do. I don't think I'm the best mom, and there is so much I could do better, but I feel it is the best thing for me. I can't imagine life without my two daughters.
post #74 of 115
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruthla View Post
I am REALLY really wondering about the content of that study, and how they defined "happiness." I have a couple of childless friends (not by choice, childless by "not yet meeting Mr. Right") and their lives just seem to empty compared to mine. I see this wistful longing on their faces when they see me with my kids. Sure, they get to do all kinds of "entertainment" that I can't afford, but is that really happiness?
It makes me wonder too. Obviously the people who have no desire to have kids are probably happy. But what about child-less people who really want them? And not everyone is on board with adopting. I know a few people who feel if it just wasn't meant to be, it wasn't meant to be...they aren't going to go that route...but they still feel they have missed out. And how did they measure parents' happiness? Did they dock points because the parents were a bit resentful that they didn't get out as much as they wanted? Forget to add in points for all the wonderful things about parenting that people tend to take for granted?

I don't know. Most of the parents I know are thrilled with their children and their lives.
post #75 of 115
Quote:
Originally Posted by GoestoShow View Post
I wouldn't do it again if I could do it over. The birth of my son completely turned my identity upside down, inside out, and then tore it apart ---- along with my body. I've had so many complications. I've seen doctors, physical therapists, chiropractors, mental health therapists, and so on. I'm tired all the time. I don't ever have five minutes to recharge, and I'm running on fumes. Being a mother for me has been a miserable experience. I can't say there's one single thing about it that I full-heartedly enjoy.

If I had known about what happened to me during his birth, that we'd fail at breastfeeding and I'd be ostracized and criticized for this failure by others, that he'd have extreme colic for nearly 10 weeks, and that there'd nothing at all of myself from my pre-motherhood days ahead of time, I really truly wouldn't have gone through with it.

Will this change someday? Who knows? In order for that to happen, the physical pain would need to end, my body would need to freaking recover, and, honestly, something would have to happen to show me exactly why this has been worth it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by GoestoShow View Post
Well, it's been going on 10 months. I don't believe there's much that can change anything or make it "better". Every single day I ask myself why on earth I once wanted this. I can't even remember. I really wouldn't recommend motherhood to anyone.
I'm so sorry you're going through all this.

I want to point out that, while it may seem like an eternity right now, 10 months is NOT a lot of time. I've been a mother for nearly 15 years, and things defiintely shift over time. One thing I can assure you is that many of the things you're currently bothered by are things that are likely to change as your baby grows.

You won't get much "non-breastfeeding guilt" once your baby is past the age where many moms wean. You'll get more sleep when he's bigger and ready to sleep for longer periods. You'll "regain your identity" when he's old enough to be involved in outside things (like preschool) or entertain himself while you do your thing. A whole lot of what you're dealing with are exclusively "baby" issues, and you may feel a whole lot differently about motherhood once your little guy is no longer a baby.
post #76 of 115
I certainly have my moments where I'm tired, frustrated, impatient, even outright angry, but I voted that I absolutely love it all the time because even at my angriest and most "done," I've never wanted to not be their mother. I've never hit that wall where I just wanted to walk away and be done. DH has a couple times. Not because of anything the kids did, but because of money stresses and wondering where his life would be if we had waited longer to have kids. I don't hold that against him. But it's not me. I'm in, 100%, and while it can be really, really hard to be a parent sometimes, I can't ever regret those months of holding their lives inside me, birthing them, and the years of raising them.
post #77 of 115
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruthla View Post
I am REALLY really wondering about the content of that study, and how they defined "happiness." I have a couple of childless friends (not by choice, childless by "not yet meeting Mr. Right") and their lives just seem to empty compared to mine. I see this wistful longing on their faces when they see me with my kids. Sure, they get to do all kinds of "entertainment" that I can't afford, but is that really happiness?
you know i was probably one of those "wistful" people before i had DD at age 35. but if i knew then what i know now...i might not have done it. today's age of raising kids is so isolating (at least where i am) and especially being a non-cio, extended breastfeeder, unschooler, blah, blah, blah. most of the time i find i am just lonely and i don't have much support.

i am never able to get away from my DD except on rare occasions and then only for an hour (i have left her probably five times in her almost three years). so i never get a break. i haven't slept more than two hours in three years. i am not sure what it is all for. yeah, there are some great moments and great hugs but i also had great moments pre-kids. i miss *me*.

sorry, just a very lonely, tired mama with no support
post #78 of 115


I love it most of the time, but I have my moments..

My kids are 6 and 3.

It seems like the hard moments are when my kids fight with each other.

post #79 of 115
Quote:
Originally Posted by Thisbirdwillfly View Post
I'm not sure the poll numbers would be so different. I know a lot empty nesters who are very disappointed with the amount of time their children want to spend with them, how little input they have with their grandchildren and so on. The older people I know who did not have children tend to have more money and are a lot better at entertaining themselves on holidays and so on.

I think about that even here sometimes. Yes, it's wonderful to be in the all consuming years with your partner and children but for most of us that means that the people outside of our little bubble, including our parents, are getting a lot less attention. We'll be the ones on the outside looking in. I think I'm fairly well prepared for it but I'm sure it's got to hurt a bit from time to time.
I have childless friends ranging in age from 20s to 70s, male and female. Not one regrets not having children, and all seem to be pretty happy.

There is nothing wrong with not having children, it's not for everyone. I admire those who have the self knowledge to realise that they don't want to have kids.
post #80 of 115
Quote:
Originally Posted by SoCaliMommy View Post
It seems like the hard moments are when my kids fight with each other.
Yeah - that makes up a large percentage of my "moments", too. Ugh.

Quote:
Originally Posted by choli View Post
There is nothing wrong with not having children, it's not for everyone. I admire those who have the self knowledge to realise that they don't want to have kids.
Likewise. I remember a guy I knew a little (boss's son) once talking to me a little bit about kids. He was about 30 at the time, and told me he didn't want kids, because he didn't want to give up being able to spend money on himself, and being able to take off at a moment's notice to go to a party or have a few drinks or whatever and that being able to do what he wanted, when he wanted to do it, was a big priority for him. Then, he said, "I guess that makes me pretty selfish". I replied, "no - selfish is when someone has the same priorities you have, and has kids anyway". He thanked me. I think someone had been riding his butt about it.
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