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Do you enjoy being a mama? - Page 5

Poll Results: Do you enjoy being a mama?

 
  • 15% (71)
    I absolutely love it all the time
  • 55% (254)
    I love it most of the time, but I have my moments.
  • 17% (79)
    It depends on the day
  • 9% (44)
    I love my kids but i don't really enjoy mothering
  • 0% (4)
    I honestly don't enjoy mothering at all
  • 0% (3)
    other
455 Total Votes  
post #81 of 115
Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post
I agree. I feel that way about everything. That's why I couldn't honestly say I always love being a mama. I don't always love anything. I mean...I always love dh and my kids...but they still drive me crazy sometimes, and I don't always love interacting with them, looking after them, etc. I don't think that's a problem, though.


Exactly. I feel the same way. But, that's exactly why I wouldn't answer the poll with the "I always love it" option (can't remember exactly how it's phrased).

I think, in some cases at least, this is more a matter of how we each interpret the question and the answer options.


And, can I just say that I loved that you said you're having a blast being a grandma. There's a distinct possibility that all my fertility issues are going to have a nice payoff for me...I may not have that long a gap between having a baby in the house and having a grandbaby around. I think I'd like that.
I couldn't in all honesty vote I have my moments because even in the midst of those moments, I didn't regret being a mom. I never wished that I never had kids. Even in the midst of all the drama/stress of raising a bi polar child without a diagnosis or medications, I never thought "I wish Erica wasn't Erica." or "I wish that Erica was never born." I love being a mom. There are moments that I'm not IN love with being a mom.
post #82 of 115
Quote:
Originally Posted by GoestoShow View Post
I wouldn't do it again if I could do it over. The birth of my son completely turned my identity upside down, inside out, and then tore it apart ---- along with my body. I've had so many complications. I've seen doctors, physical therapists, chiropractors, mental health therapists, and so on. I'm tired all the time. I don't ever have five minutes to recharge, and I'm running on fumes. Being a mother for me has been a miserable experience. I can't say there's one single thing about it that I full-heartedly enjoy.

If I had known about what happened to me during his birth, that we'd fail at breastfeeding and I'd be ostracized and criticized for this failure by others, that he'd have extreme colic for nearly 10 weeks, and that there'd nothing at all of myself from my pre-motherhood days ahead of time, I really truly wouldn't have gone through with it.

Will this change someday? Who knows? In order for that to happen, the physical pain would need to end, my body would need to freaking recover, and, honestly, something would have to happen to show me exactly why this has been worth it.
Thank you for being brave enough to admit to this - what you describe is very close to my own feelings, certainly for the first year of DD's life.

Even now, while I *adore* DD I do think quite a bit about whether I would be better off/ happier if I'd never had her. Having her negatively impacted my life in just about every area; I suffered/suffer PTSD from birth rape, have sexual/marital issues because of this, was extremely ill for the first 4 months of DD's life and have still not recovered, am suffering from pretty severe sleep deprivation, gave up my job that I loved to SAH because I was so ill and DD so high needs, moved from a place where we had job/financial security and our own place to a different country with no friends around, a tiny horrible rented house and quite a bit less money with DH's job being less stable too. (We moved partly because of DD's future and partly because of my horrific experiences with the medical establishment where we were living.)

If I hadn't had DD I would have a good career, plenty of job prospects and opportunities to travel, a nice flat of my own, a great sex life, a happy marriage, a whole healthy body instead of one that's scarred and damaged (and seriously overweight from having no energy or time to exercise and no time to prep healthy food because of a very HN LO, plus eating/overeating is my 'reward' to myself for getting through the day ) But I wouldn't have DD. I love her, but she came at a *very* high price.

I voted "I love my kids but don't really enjoy mothering." though I'm not sure that really covers it. I can see maybe enjoying this a whole lot more in another few years when DD's not nursing round the clock with her horrific latch, when I get a few hours of straight sleep, and when I can get back to being me. But right now that seems very far off.
post #83 of 115
How do you become a mom who loves being a parent all the time? I want some of that magic potion!
post #84 of 115
I picked love it most of the time. I haven't read all of the replies so maybe someone has already said this, but I think I would love it so much more if our culture was more supportive of mothers. Well, really, if our culture was more supportive of families in general.
post #85 of 115
Quote:
Originally Posted by BellinghamCrunchie View Post
How do you become a mom who loves being a parent all the time? I want some of that magic potion!
I think it's just my perspective. I voted I love being a mom all the time. Sure, there are things that could have and perhaps should have gone better (like the birth experiences of both of my children), but that doesn't change the fact that I absolutely love being a mother.
post #86 of 115
I do now, but i didn't when my oldest was a baby. That was a very hard time for me.
post #87 of 115
It's kind of funny because I have times when I honestly think how much I would love to go back to not having a child. I think about how nice it would be to have time to myself again. Then she will take a longer than usual nap or be at her friends house and I will be pacing up and down because I can function without her. I think mostly I enjoy being a mom, just not in our society. I don't think we get the support we need and that can lead to moments of questioning what we were thinking. Plus, we have no family close by so it's all us all the time and our daughter is very spirited and was a high needs baby with a dairy intolerance so my diet was restricted to boot. I actually am enjoying the "terrible" two's more than when she was a baby even though I miss her being a baby too!
post #88 of 115
Quote:
Originally Posted by earthmama369 View Post
I certainly have my moments where I'm tired, frustrated, impatient, even outright angry, but I voted that I absolutely love it all the time because even at my angriest and most "done," I've never wanted to not be their mother. I've never hit that wall where I just wanted to walk away and be done. DH has a couple times. Not because of anything the kids did, but because of money stresses and wondering where his life would be if we had waited longer to have kids. I don't hold that against him. But it's not me. I'm in, 100%, and while it can be really, really hard to be a parent sometimes, I can't ever regret those months of holding their lives inside me, birthing them, and the years of raising them.
This is me. But I voted that I love it most the time, but have my moments. Those "moments" for me don't mean that I'm feeling like I don't want to be their mother anymore... it's more like I need a break and I need one NOW kind of thing.
post #89 of 115
i answered like most, "i love it most of the time".

i gotta say, becoming a mom is one of the most fulfilling things i've done. i get so much joy from my little girl. it's so much more amazing than i ever imaginied it would be.

now i've gotta go find a tissue.
post #90 of 115
I voted that I love it, but I should qualify this by saying that I am not claiming to be having a great time every moment, not at all. But I do feel a very powerful and spiritual (for lack of a better word) sense of rightness being a mother.
post #91 of 115
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruthla View Post
I am REALLY really wondering about the content of that study, and how they defined "happiness." I have a couple of childless friends (not by choice, childless by "not yet meeting Mr. Right") and their lives just seem to empty compared to mine. I see this wistful longing on their faces when they see me with my kids. Sure, they get to do all kinds of "entertainment" that I can't afford, but is that really happiness?
I know many childless women, ages 30-65, and I can't think of one of them who regrets it. I've certainly never seen any wistfulness. All have rich lives, fulfilling and challenging careers, great networks of friends of family. Having a child isn't the only way to find happiness or fulfillment.
post #92 of 115
I enjoy it the majority of the time. I like being a SAHM, like being a mom, feel it's what I'm supposed to be doing. But...I think how my marriage would be if we didn't have children and I do feel a little regret. Not regretful that we had them, just regretful for the couple we used to be when we didn't have the worries and stresses of parenting two littles. And we started late--we're both 40--so in 20 years when the big payoff comes, we may be too old to enjoy it!

Finding couple time has been really hard. I'm wondering if most of the "love it all the time" people have a great support system. We don't, so it's DH or I on call 24/7.
post #93 of 115
Quote:
Originally Posted by newbymom05 View Post
I'm wondering if most of the "love it all the time" people have a great support system.
Sooo true for us.

It is really wonderful to have 2 sets of grandparents and a sister that are as madly in love with my children as I am. It makes time out with DH, friends, or even just grocery shopping solo possible and enjoyable. It is very hard for me to leave my children at all, if I didn't have our family, I don't know what I'd do.

If it's even possible, my father may actually be more in love with my LO's than I am
post #94 of 115
Quote:
Originally Posted by sewchris2642 View Post
I couldn't in all honesty vote I have my moments because even in the midst of those moments, I didn't regret being a mom. I never wished that I never had kids. Even in the midst of all the drama/stress of raising a bi polar child without a diagnosis or medications, I never thought "I wish Erica wasn't Erica." or "I wish that Erica was never born."
And, again, it's a matter of how we interpret the question and the answers. I've never regretted having kids. I've never wished I never had kids. I've never thought "I wish ds2 were never born". I still have my moments where I don't love mothering. Regretting having kids or wishing my children were never born doesn't come into it.

Quote:
I love being a mom. There are moments that I'm not IN love with being a mom.
I love being a mom, too. I don't love any activity/occupation I've ever engaged in 100% of the time. I just don't. Mothering is no different.
post #95 of 115
Quote:
Originally Posted by NYCVeg View Post
I know many childless women, ages 30-65, and I can't think of one of them who regrets it. I've certainly never seen any wistfulness. All have rich lives, fulfilling and challenging careers, great networks of friends of family. Having a child isn't the only way to find happiness or fulfillment.
Are they childless by choice, though? That makes a big difference. I have a close friend who always planned to have kids, but she finally ended up marrying an older man, who has grown kids. She's 40+, and he's about 50 and they're not going to have kids. She doesn't feel as though her life is over or anything - but I know she wishes she'd had kids. I've also got several friends/family friends (from early 40s to mid-to-late 60s) who are childless by choice and are very happy with that choice.
post #96 of 115
I was and, at times, continue to be positively shocked by how much I enjoy being a mother. My main problem is sometimes I do not feel like I am doing a good enough job. But I love it and never expected to love it so much! Now I have a really hard time understanding how people do not love it ...
post #97 of 115
Quote:
Originally Posted by newbymom05 View Post
I'm wondering if most of the "love it all the time" people have a great support system. We don't, so it's DH or I on call 24/7.
We don't have much of a support system. My husband's family live in other towns and we wouldn't trust any of them with our children. My parents live in another town and are busy with their careers, but they do make time once or twice a month to come to our house for social visits. The rest of my family live far away in Wisconsin and Oregon. We don't have babysitters or friends we'd trust with our children, either. I'm their primary caretaker and my husband earns the money.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MaryTheres View Post
I was and, at times, continue to be positively shocked by how much I enjoy being a mother.
My main problem is sometimes I do not feel like I am doing a good enough job.
But I love it and never expected to love it so much!
post #98 of 115
Quote:
Originally Posted by sunshadow View Post
It's kind of funny because I have times when I honestly think how much I would love to go back to not having a child. I think about how nice it would be to have time to myself again. Then she will take a longer than usual nap or be at her friends house and I will be pacing up and down because I can function without her. I think mostly I enjoy being a mom, just not in our society. I don't think we get the support we need and that can lead to moments of questioning what we were thinking. Plus, we have no family close by so it's all us all the time and our daughter is very spirited and was a high needs baby with a dairy intolerance so my diet was restricted to boot. I actually am enjoying the "terrible" two's more than when she was a baby even though I miss her being a baby too!
I agree about what you say about society. I find that western society is so backwards compared to the rest of the world. The nuclear family norm in our society is the reason why so many parents are so stressed out. Homes are expected to function as independent units instead of living in tribes or villages. Before becoming a mom, I always thought the phrase "it takes a village" was corny. Now that I am a mom, I really do believe it to be true and feel that western society has it all wrong.

I also can't stand that my role as a SAHM is totally devalued and people tell me that I should put my daughter in preschool already when she is not even 2 yet! She's only 18 months old and in my eyes she is too young to be away from me too often. As she gets older, I have found myself wanting to be more social and do look forward to earning a paycheck, but right now, I feel I am doing what is best for my family.

I actually got asked by one man if all I did was sit around and watch TV all day! It's 4pm and this is the first break I got all day. Most days I am on my feet for the majority of the time. I could go on, but I won't. OK back to work...rant over.
post #99 of 115
Quote:
And, again, it's a matter of how we interpret the question and the answers. I've never regretted having kids. I've never wished I never had kids. I've never thought "I wish ds2 were never born". I still have my moments where I don't love mothering. Regretting having kids or wishing my children were never born doesn't come into it.
Thank you for saying that.

I'm not sure why people are reading the sentence, "...I have my moments" as "I regret having this child and wish they were never born."
post #100 of 115
I have my moments, for sure. Having a special needs baby is so challenging sometimes...I can't even describe it for people with "typical" children. You just can't understand. Things are better now, but when she was first born and we learned about her issues, the constant doctor/hospital visits, the surgeries, the stress...god, I wanted to turn back the clock so bad!

We have come a long way since then, and I love my daughter beyond words and I'm so proud to be her mama, but sometimes I need a break! Those are the times when I merely like being a mother.
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