Mean things kids say...

[Grace and Granola]

I am having a terrible time dealing with my two boys 2.5yo and 4yo. They bicker alot, which is bad enough, but the mean things that they say are what send me over the edge. It just breaks my heart to hear them say hurtful things to each other. My 4yo has introduced these phrases that my 2yo has now picked up, but it's mostly the 4yo. I'm thinking they originated at school. I never had a close sibling relationship, so I don't know how much impact this really has. Can you tell me if I'm being over-sensitive and also how you would deal with this. Here are some examples:

You are NOT my best friend anymore!

You are a goo-goo boy! (name calling with intent, but without an actual "bad word!")

I don't love you anymore!

If you don't do X, then I'm going not going to be your friend anymore!


All of these are said in anger, followed by storming off or a melt down.

[ChetMC]

Sibling Love

Our girls are closer in age so it isn't the exact same situation. However, I can tell you that even though our 4 year old has not been to school she still says stuff like, "you're not my friend anymore" to her sister. Our older DD is more inclined toward silly name calling (you're a goo-goo boo-boo type stuff) which our younger DD sometimes finds funny and sometimes gets upset about.

I do think it's normal for siblings to go through cycles of getting along, having a spat, and then moving on. Our girls can move their beds. Sometimes they push them together to make one big bed, and other times they push them as far apart as they'll go.

We mostly leave the kids alone to resolve their issues. We impose a few general rules... like when kids play together it must be fun for everybody who is playing, but I don't intervene and make judgment calls.

One thing you might try is helping your kids to say what they really mean. Instead of "if you don't do x then I'm not your friend" it's probably more accurate to say, "if you don't want to do x then I want to play by myself."