How to deal with hitting/scratching in 12-20 month olds

[mrsfrenchy]

I feel like I've been doing fairly well at taking care of this behavior so far using a pretty GD approach (although I have to admit, there are days when she hits me and I really just want to hit back --but of course I don't). However, the hitting is getting a bit more forcefull and at times, she just won't stop even when we use stradegies that normally work.

This is what we've been using a combination of so far:
--saying 'no hitting, please be gentle' (she knows the word gentle, as we've had to model that with pets)
--asking for a hug, high five, etc. instead
--telling her if she hits again, she has to get down (off the bed/couch/away from whoever she's hitting). When we do put her down, she gets upset, I remind her to be gentle (usually acknowledged by her nodding her head), and then I pick her back up again.
--distract her with different activity, toy, song, etc.

When it gets really bad (i.e. she's hitting much harder and won't stop no matter what I do), I've resorted to actually holding her hands still. Sometimes this feels a little not-so-gentle to me, but I'm not hurting her or being rough and I'm not sure what the alternative is.

So, I'm looking for any alternative ideas to what I'm already doing as the behavior isn't really getting a lot better.

Also, she's starting throwing objects at us when we say no or try to redirect her attention when what she's doing isn't safe or feasible at the moment. Any ideas on this one?

[mckennasmomma]

I think I would ask myself, "Self-what does DD need right now and in general that is causing the hitting?"

I think your strategies are good ones, and would be persistent with them, but I also would try to get to the root of the hitting. It could just be an age-appropriate thing, in which case your persistence with modeling and redirecting will be the solution, but it will take patience. But it could be any number of other things too, here are a couple that pop in to my mind:

-bodily needs like sleep and food
-emotional needs like more attention and focus
-different stimulation, or even less stimulation

[mrsfrenchy]

Originally Posted by mckennasmomma

I think I would ask myself, "Self-what does DD need right now and in general that is causing the hitting?"

I think your strategies are good ones, and would be persistent with them, but I also would try to get to the root of the hitting. It could just be an age-appropriate thing, in which case your persistence with modeling and redirecting will be the solution, but it will take patience. But it could be any number of other things too, here are a couple that pop in to my mind:

-bodily needs like sleep and food
-emotional needs like more attention and focus
-different stimulation, or even less stimulation

I know this is true for us a lot of the time. I'm trying to work on making sure she's getting the attention she needs and that I try to keep her busy, since it seems she does it more often when she's bored. Hopefully that way we can avoid it happening all together.

That is my main goal, but other times, despite keeping all that in mind, it's still happening, even when I'm giving her my full attention.

So, I'm trying to keep that in focus, but I still need to find more effective ways to redirect her when it does occur.

[nycmom18]

my 16 month old is the exact same way! he seriously hurts us sometimes. i think its when he wants attention, but he already has ALL of the attention

he doesnt care if we say no, he just starts to mock us and repeating, no! no! no!

so now i say stop hitting, be nice and then i take his hand "nicely" on my or whoever he hit and ask him to give a kiss.

is this really a stage? anyone have any research?

he hit my grandma the other day and i felt horrible