Tandem Nursing Support Thread

[bright_eyes]

Since some of us our tandem nursing I thought it would be helpful to have a support thread for it- I could really use some support and I'm sure others could as well.

I have a 3 year old boy (C) and my baby boy (B) is 6 days old. I am surprised by how much it is bothering me to nurse C. Right up until the day I went into labor, nursing him never bother me at all. But now that I'm nursing my newborn, I'm finding I am really not enjoying nursing C and I am really surprised by my feelings. I was told that when you have a second baby, your first seems like such a giant to you, and C really feels like a giant to me. When I look at this giant head suckling at my breast, it feels so wrong to me and I just want him to stop.

I am also getting over mastitis because C is not nursing the same amount every day. For example, the other night, he completely drained both breasts before bed, but then the next night he didn't nurse at all at bedtime. So I woke up in the middle of the night with one really full breast and the onset of mastitis. The antibiotics are helping and I am feeling better now, but I am still worried whenever C nurses because I don't know how my supply is ever going to regulate itself and I worry that whatever he takes out, will be replaced and then he might not drink that same amount later on.

So I'm not sure what to do. I don't know whether to forge on with nursing and hope that things work themselves out and I start feeling better about nursing C, or to start weaning.

How is everyone else doing? Has anyone else felt conflicted feelings towards their older nursling? How is your supply doing, has it regulated itself to keep up with both kids bfing needs?

[joeys_mom]

I'm doing ok but my 3.5yo keeps wanting to nurse at the same time I nurse his baby sister. He says "what about me" and is less than thrilled to let her nurse all the time and only nurse once in a while himself. I feel so torn because I want to nurse them both but obviously the baby's needs come first since the boob is EVERYTHING to a newborn and a 3yo doesn't *need* to have it to survive. It has been a hard transition and though I don't regret not weaning ds, I do wish he would wean himself.

And yes, his head seems so huge and weird when he is nursing. He just looks like a giant and it is a little freaky. Still, I want my first baby to know he is as important as my second and I try to give him access when he wants it.

[2boyzmama]

Well, I'm not tandeming right now (baby isn't born yet ) but I did tandem for over a year previously. However it was slightly different because Ian weaned when I was 28 weeks pregnant, then started nursing again about 4 weeks post partum, but didn't really "learn" how to nurse well again until 8 weeks or so.

I didn't mind it as long as I was also nursing Connor, but if Ian ever wanted to nurse when Connor wasn't nursing, I had very little patience for him. I was surprised at how snappy I got with him sometimes! He responded really well to a "count down", I would say "okay, you can nurse for 10 seconds, mommy's going to count..." and he'd most of the time stop nursing when I reached 10. Then we started counting in different languages, which was fun for both of us and lifted the mood a little.

I relied on Ian to keep my supply up since Connor was such a horrible nurser. Connor had some birth defects and other medical problems that made feeding him a nightmare, so Ian was really helpful. I also would let Ian nurse first sometimes, for just a few minutes, to drain the foremilk, then I'd switch Ian to the other side and let Connor have the hindmilk, which was essential for Connor (who was--still is--failure to thrive). It took me a while to figure out to do that, though.

I guess my point is that eventually you'll find what works for you. If the older nursling is only emptying one side, don't let him empty it, switch him over so both sides are emptied the same. That will help your body regulate faster probably.

[ElliesMomma]

tandem nursing is going relatively well here. DD is almost 3.5 and DS is 18 days old. i fought low supply with DD, so her helping to bring in abundance of milk (plus my eating oatmeal daily and avoiding all bottles) has helped tremendously and i am grateful to her for that. this time, i seem to have plenty of milk DS has many wet and poopy diapers every day and he seems to be growing (on my milk alone!). he's in my bed overnight, so we can have extra feedings (i should note that he was only six pounds at birth, so getting more weight on him is a priority for me). i nurse him pretty much constantly if he's not asleep.

for DD, there have been some changes, but she is adapting well. it helps that she really does love the baby and is always excited to hold him, kiss him, hug him. i have impressed upon her, and she seems to understand, that DS *needs* the milk because it's all he can eat right now. he can't have yogurt, cow's milk, beans, or anything else that she eats every day. for her, the momma's milk is a treat; for him, it's a necessity. she does really seem to "get" that.

the one feeding that i have preserved for her is bedtime. she gets to nurse to sleep. this is also a big motivator for our bedtime routine. i should note that DH has a split shift work schedule; he's up in the middle of the night, and not home for the night until late, so bedtime and overnight is all on me, 100 percent. DH just gets to go to bed by himself, since his sleep time is so short. so for me and the two kids, bedtime pretty much has to go like this: nurse DS to sleep, put him in his bassinette; give DD her shower, PJs, brush teeth and brush hair, she picks a book, we read it and nurse to sleep in my bed. then, after she's asleep and hopefully he's still asleep *i get a couple hours to myself* which i don't have to tell any of you, is obviously golden time for me. of course it's too late and i'm too tired to do much more than sit on my butt, watch a little TV, throw in a load of laundry, eat some oatmeal, and play on the computer. eventually DS wakes up, usually poopy, at which point i move DD to her own toddler bed (which is right next to my bed), change DS, move him into my bed, and nurse him back to sleep. he goes on to spend the night in my bed. usually DD will wake up once or more overnight, saying she wants milk. so i get up, tell her to go back to her own bed and i will nurse her there. she is satisfied if i let her nurse for a minute or so on each side. i don't mind doing it b/c i do want to keep up my supply; afterall DS nurses so slowly, and she can just gulp it down.

from time to time i do actually "tandem" nurse them (i.e., one on each side). i'm pretty sure it ups the flow for DS when DD is sucking so effeciently on the other side. the more the merrier as far as i'm concerned, b/c i want good supply, and i want DS to get a ton. sometimes if my one leaky side is leaking, i will call DD over to take some of it. sometimes i will call DD over to take a little off the top if i feel especially full and i want her to take the watery foremilk, and then DS can get right to the rich, fatty hind milk that will really make him grow.

one thing that i think is cute, is that DD will squeeze the breast that DS is working on b/c she knows that's how to get more milk to come out. if she were squeezing for herself, she would squeeze hard, but when she squeezes for him, she does it very gently and slowly.

so i guess so far so good. those are my strategies and a look at how we are doing things here. i look forward to reading how everyone else is doing, too.

[KringyBingy]

I tandem nursed my dd and ds for a year and a half. When I got pregnant with my 3rd, I weaned my ds because I could not handle it anymore.

When I was tandem nursing I remember the feelings of icky when my 2 year old was nursing and my son was so little, it was short lived for me. The nursing was so instrumental in getting that bonding time in with my dd that I couldn't imaging doing it any other way.

I did not have a routine, but when things stopped working for me, where I would get frustrated or get "touched" out I would just tell my older dd that I was done sharing my na-na right now and that the baby needed milk right now. I would let her sit next to me and hold my tummy which seemed very comforting to her. I really believe that when something is not working for me regarding nursing, change it so you I can be a more patient parent. I hated getting all tense and irritated with my older nursling, it was easier to work on a solution of why I was getting so short circuited.

In order to wean, I had to limit to two times per day, than one time per day, than to one time every other day, and so on until we were only nursing on Sundays, which she did for a couple of months!! She just LOVED to nurse, but I was totally done nursing two kids.

Good luck, I am due Oct 1 so I lurk here on the sept posts all the time.
Kristy

[bright_eyes]

I'm glad to hear about everyone else's experiences- thanks for sharing them!

Yesterday (Fri) things got better. Ds1 was too busy w/ Grandma to ask to nurse and when he finally did, I felt okay saying yes. I was sitting in our arm chair already nursing the baby but I found a comfortable position to nurse them both in and it felt okay. Then baby finished and someone took him and it was just ds1 nursing and the whole thing felt okay. And after that it has felt okay to be nursing them both. I think I just need to be faced with the idea of weaning and needed to realize that I am not comfortable with it because I don't feel ds is ready. And then things just began to feel okay. I've nursed them several times since that moment in the arm chair at the same time and I'm getting better and finding positions that work.

Last night ds1 woke up in the middle of the night and was up for 2 hours but I didn't mind it because it felt like the first time in awhile we've spent alone time and he was being so cute that I just fell in love with him all over again. I think that also helped me to feel better about nursing him- we felt connected again.