Ok, my daughter is a little younger than yours (19 months), but she is VERY much in the "no!" stage, so I have several suggestions.
First, have you read _The Happiest Toddler on the Block_? I LOVED that book. The way it's written is a little cheesy at times, but the basic idea is brilliant. He says to acknowledge a child's feelings before you redirect or insist or whatever you're trying to do. That's the main thing. So when DD says no, I echo her: "No! No bath! You don't want a bath! Bad bath!" Once she calms down, then I say, "But it's time for a bath! You don't want dirt all over you all night!" And so on. I do fantasy wish-granting a lot too--don't you wish you could NEVER bathe? Wouldn't it be fun to be covered in dirt ALL THE TIME?! LOL.
Second, read _Your Two Year Old_. Part of a series, and I actually haven't read the book, just heard a great presentation on it, but the main idea I heard from it is that two year olds are automatically oppositional, not because they're defiant or anything like that, but because they're defining themselves as a person separate from you. They're just starting to realize that there are two things in the world: Me and You. So they think of everything in terms of two opposites, and any time you mention anything, they immediately want the opposite. It's a normal part of their development. So choices are great for three year olds, but bad for two year olds--two year olds can't decide between two opposites. If you say bath, they'll think toy. If you say red shoes, they'll think blue shoes. If you say bubbles or no bubbles, they'll be completely torn and maybe have a tantrum!
So for us, if it's something non-negotiable, I do NOT offer choices. Most of the time, I don't ask her or even tell her what we're doing. Our big thing right now is potty--we EC, so she's totally used to the potty, but lately every time I ask if she needs to go, she screams and runs away. So I don't ask. I just say, "Come here, baby, come with mama," and I pick her up. (She still loves to be carried so she's almost always happy for me to pick her up.) Then I take her to the bathroom. Usually once we're there she's perfectly happy to sit on the potty and pee. If she sees the bathroom and starts yelling "No!", then I ask her to help me pee, or I ask her to pee her doll, or I ask if she wants to read a book on the potty, or (last-ditch effort!) I ask if she wants to play with my iPhone and sit on the potty. (That always gets a yes!
) But I never say, "Come here, it's time to go potty," because that is just setting her up with an opportunity to say no, which is what two year olds are always looking for!
As far as running away from you, my mom gave me a great idea for that one: play chase Mommy as a game. Obviously, do this for fun, at a time when you're NOT trying to get her to the bath. "Bet you can't catch Mommy! I'm going to run away! You can't catch me!" Teach her to do that for fun, and then you can use it in places when you really need her to come to you (I use it at the playground when she tries to run away from me because she doesn't want to leave).
But if I were you, I would really try to avoid telling her to do things that she might not want to do (except as a game), because then you're setting her up with a chance to say no to you, which two year olds want (and actually need!). But you can counteract that by telling her to do things that you know she WILL want to do, which will give her practice in doing what you say to do. Like telling her to make animal sounds, or telling her to jump up and down, or whatever trick she enjoys, or telling her to shout "Whee!" really loud when she's on the swing.
I also tell my DD to scream really loud when she's starting a tantrum (if we're at home or somewhere it won't bother other people). Her tantrums always start with an ear-splitting SHRIEK, and I always tell her to scream louder. Which, of course, always makes her stop screaming.
I really do mean it, though--I'm trying to encourage her to get her anger out, not using reverse psychology!
Oh--as far as picking up, I would just do it myself and encourage her to help me. "Time to pick up! Come on, let's pick up all the toys! Do you want to throw this toy in this box?" You might end up doing all the work sometimes, but she'll eventually learn to help you--it's not that big a deal if you're just modeling it at first. If it's really important to you that she "help," then I would get a specific toy and have it dance around and beg her to put it away. Make the toy say, "Please, I'm so tired, will you put me away in my box, please, I need to rest, I want to go to my box, please will you put me there...?" Etc. That way at least she'll put *one* toy away.
