How do you keep your patience when they're just annoying?

[earthgirl]

I'm not proud to be writing this, but it seems that something has happened to my patience level. I find I'm raising my voice at DD a lot lately and I hate myself for it. I just find that I seem to have exhausted all patience for the 400 why's that I have to answer every day, I'm tired of the battles over getting dressed and hair combing, I get annoyed at having the same conversations every day, I get annoyed with her demands, and so on and so on.

Are you able to just roll with these things and if so, then how? How do you stop yourself from snapping at your LOs? I really don't want to be that mom that's just cranky and annoyed with her child(ren) all of the time, but I feel like that's what I'm becoming.

[spughy]

Oh, I hear you. I catch myself doing the same thing - and worse, tuning her out sometimes.

I don't know what to say besides be gentle with yourself, try to remind yourself that this passes, and put all your cranky energy into correcting behaviour that actually needs correcting. I find I can deal better with the incessant "why" and the nattering and the "I'm STUCK!" trying to pull a toy stroller around the coffee table with the tie from a bathrobe... IF I am being very concerted, consistent and kind with correcting the *demands*. Those are the worst, really - "Get me some food!" or the passive-aggressive "Mummy I'm HUNGRY." And we are making progress, slowly, and that helps. I don't know why it makes it easier to take the stuff you just have to live through, but it does.

[PoetryMom]

Oh, me too. For me it started after DD2 was born. It seems that my patience level with DD1 just went downhill from there. Lately, I have found that explaining myself a little sometimes helps. When I get to that point, I ask myself, what is making me so exasperated? Then I just tell her, "Honey, I can't listen right now, I really need a little time to clean up this mess of bags that I just walked in with." or "Mommy really needs some quiet time right now, no talking (or no words) for a few minutes."

I understand what you are going through. I'm never proud of these moments, but I too am human and there are times when I simply cannot give or split myself in five.

[jenP]

I've sometimes told them, "I can't answer any more 'why' questions until I have had a little sleep."
Or sometimes, no questions at all, not just the 'why's.'
They usually respect this because there is an end in sight, and because I usually say it when it is close to nap time anyway. They can give it a break until after naps without too much trouble.
Sometimes they make a game of it and casually slip in a question to see if I answer without thinking. Then we all have a laugh if they "catch" me and it defuses the tension.

Generally, I find I have a lower tolerance when there are 101 other things I need to do but can't, or when I haven't had any time to unwind for a long time. Good time to hand the kids over to a spouse or babysitter or mother's helper or to play with a neighbor. I know, not always feasible right in the moment, but even knowing you have a break coming later can help you get through a tough time. Remember we all need and deserve a break sometimes! Fun as three-year-olds are, it is not bad to want to get away from them for a while.
Good luck!

Jen

[terrabella]

I have little patience only when I'm distracted.

For me, my children are my top priority. I don't care what's in my hands, it is simply not more important than them.

So, when I snap at them, it's my alert. I immediately stop what I'm doing, even if it seems impossible. If I have to turn off he burner, put an un-diapered baby on my hip, set the trash bag on the living room carpet, just whatever.

I apologize immediately. Then, we have a do-over, and I give them my full attention. If they're little, then I often get right down to their level as well.

I find that after I have set aside my distractions, put my child first, paused to be in the moment, I feel better.

Even as I'm getting a wet cloth to clean the garbage spot on the rug, or changing my urine-soaked shirt, I feel better.

Now as a Zen Buddhist, this comes a little easier to me, I admit. But I think all mothers could benefit from it. Too often people think things are important, that can wait, and that people can wait, when actually, people should always come first.

Anyway, perhaps distraction isn't even your trigger, to which I sadly have no helpful advice. But it sure is mine. I'll bite your head off so quickly if I'm trying to get something else done.

[Aliyahsmommy]

I completely understand! Though in my case it is not my daughter's endless questions that so much annoy me......but the whiny clingy times when nothing seems to please her and she is hanging on me and whining and I just want to scream.
To be honest sometimes I do end up snapping at her, but I just apologize. It helps for me to realize and think about why she is behaving that way as that makes it a little less annoying when I think of it as something she needs rather than something she is doing just to annoy me.......then I can problem solve to fix the issue and ultimately that will stop the annoying behavior.

[prothyraia]

I don't know the secret to keeping my patience.

I do apologize at the end of the day if I've been grumpy.

[mamarhu]

The view from a million steps down the road (I'm a grandmother and also raising my 3rd batch of kids):

1. It's OK to be human. Your children don't want/expect/need/benefit from perfection in you, any more than you expect it in them.

2. It's OK for them to learn that they can sometimes be just TOO annoying, and even the patience of Mama is used up. About then we all need a nap, or at least a time out.

3. In a few years, they will learn your moods better - when it's OK to nag and push, when Mama really means business. They will be great at manipulating you with such grace that you don't recognize you've been manipulated. It's all part of the social dance we must learn. Even my boy with autism knows just the eye-batting look to melt me. But he also knows when not to try it.

PS - He is 13, and it has been a long road.

[earthgirl]

Thank you, all. It actually helps just knowing that I'm not the only one that struggles with this. I noticed this weekend that I haven't snapped at DD at all and I'm guessing this is b/c DH has been around to share the load. Seems like maybe I need to find some ways to get a few more breaks in for myself.

[Deefodil]

Originally Posted by prothyraia

I don't know the secret to keeping my patience.

I do apologize at the end of the day if I've been grumpy.

That is me, as well. I have quite a bit of patience for the little one, and the older one I enjoy talking with more, but my middle one annoys the living you know what out of me. : It's just the age, I'm hoping.