The following is a letter to my doctor explaining my complaint and why we will be leaving his practice. Any advice? Should I attach or add any specific references? It might be a bit "mild" for some on this board, but I'm of the belief that you "win more flies with honey than with vinegar" and that Christians have no business taking or threatening legal action against one another (especially without exhausting other options). Also, it's a small town and the doctor is the parent of one of my students...
Dr. ____,
I appreciate the care that you have provided to T and I during the course of pregnancy, birth, and his first few months. However, I was upset and confused with T’s September __ well-baby checkup.
My main concern is that you retracted his foreskin without my permission. You also recommended that I should be doing this regularly, to clean underneath. This is directly opposite of the information I was given at the hospital when he was born, as well all information I have found from the AAFP and AAP, and health information in general. All the information I have found says that forcing the foreskin back is harmful. I was not expecting that you would do this, or I would have told you beforehand that you did not have my permission. It did not seem to hurt T at the time, although the tip of his foreskin was reddened over the next day or so, and that evening he seemed to be crying every time he wet a diaper. At first I thought he was just crabby from having shots, but I left him in a cloth diaper without a cover on so I could see when he was wetting, and the crying correlated to when he was wetting the diapers. Fortunately, whatever tearing or irritation may have happened seemed to heal up quickly and I have no reason to think it will cause permanent damage, provided I do not follow your advice to keep retracting for the purpose of “cleaning”.
I regret not saying something immediately, but my reaction time was too slow, and I wanted to triple-check my facts.
I was also confused why you would mention starting solid foods at four months, as the AAFP, AAP, WHO, UNICEF, WIC, and other organizations say that exclusive breastfeeding is best for babies, with complementary foods beginning at six months of age. It is my understanding that starting earlier than that is at best unnecessary, and at worst, empty calories (compared to milk), or increased risk of allergies or milk supply issues.
We have differed in our views on many things including how to calculate a due date, inducing labor, the role of breastfeeding in family planning, and when to introduce solid foods. I suppose many of those things are debatable, and as an adult, I can choose to ignore your advice, so I was not as concerned about them. However, actually doing something harmful like prematurely retracting the foreskin did upset me.
I would feel more at ease starting fresh with a new doctor and we do not plan to return to your practice at this time. Please cancel T's (date) appointment.
I know from experience that it can be strange to take constructive criticism from people outside your profession- sometimes they don’t have the lingo right and there is much they don’t fully understand. However, there can often be a helpful grain of truth to their observations. I respectfully ask, for the sake of your other patients, that you review and reconsider your practices and recommendations regarding the examination and care of male infants and children (those who have not been circumcised).
Respectfully,
(Name)
________________________________________________
ETA: As stated in a later post, I sent the above letter, shortened to only include my problem with the retraction. The resources I attached were AAP and AAFP websites, a childcare book, and one other one, I forget. I tried to pick things that were short and "mainstream" seeming.
Dr. tried calling back twice and didn't reach me. A month goes by.
Later, I ran into the doctor at an event. Since we were in a somewhat public place, we were limited in the length and vocabulary of our conversation, but basically he said:
1. I didn't do what those sheets were describing. "that" (retraction) is when you force it, and it bleeds. (me: but everything I've seen says never to do it, and that it is normally "attached" at that age). It just slipped back, which can be normal at that age.
2. I have to do "that" to check for malformations. (me: I'm not sure I believe you)
3. Well, find a doctor you are comfortable with.
So, it sounds like either I was wrong (don't think so because else why would my son have been in pain afterwards, it doesn't just "slip back" when I examined it afterwards, etc.), or my letter didn't get through to the doctor. He still thinks that he did a normal, helpful, good thing.
Now what? I have a bazillion things I wish I would have said (like, "how come he was in pain afterwards", "why didn't you ask before doing this", etc.).
ETA: Also see Post #32
Dr. ____,
I appreciate the care that you have provided to T and I during the course of pregnancy, birth, and his first few months. However, I was upset and confused with T’s September __ well-baby checkup.
My main concern is that you retracted his foreskin without my permission. You also recommended that I should be doing this regularly, to clean underneath. This is directly opposite of the information I was given at the hospital when he was born, as well all information I have found from the AAFP and AAP, and health information in general. All the information I have found says that forcing the foreskin back is harmful. I was not expecting that you would do this, or I would have told you beforehand that you did not have my permission. It did not seem to hurt T at the time, although the tip of his foreskin was reddened over the next day or so, and that evening he seemed to be crying every time he wet a diaper. At first I thought he was just crabby from having shots, but I left him in a cloth diaper without a cover on so I could see when he was wetting, and the crying correlated to when he was wetting the diapers. Fortunately, whatever tearing or irritation may have happened seemed to heal up quickly and I have no reason to think it will cause permanent damage, provided I do not follow your advice to keep retracting for the purpose of “cleaning”.
I regret not saying something immediately, but my reaction time was too slow, and I wanted to triple-check my facts.
I was also confused why you would mention starting solid foods at four months, as the AAFP, AAP, WHO, UNICEF, WIC, and other organizations say that exclusive breastfeeding is best for babies, with complementary foods beginning at six months of age. It is my understanding that starting earlier than that is at best unnecessary, and at worst, empty calories (compared to milk), or increased risk of allergies or milk supply issues.
We have differed in our views on many things including how to calculate a due date, inducing labor, the role of breastfeeding in family planning, and when to introduce solid foods. I suppose many of those things are debatable, and as an adult, I can choose to ignore your advice, so I was not as concerned about them. However, actually doing something harmful like prematurely retracting the foreskin did upset me.
I would feel more at ease starting fresh with a new doctor and we do not plan to return to your practice at this time. Please cancel T's (date) appointment.
I know from experience that it can be strange to take constructive criticism from people outside your profession- sometimes they don’t have the lingo right and there is much they don’t fully understand. However, there can often be a helpful grain of truth to their observations. I respectfully ask, for the sake of your other patients, that you review and reconsider your practices and recommendations regarding the examination and care of male infants and children (those who have not been circumcised).
Respectfully,
(Name)
________________________________________________
ETA: As stated in a later post, I sent the above letter, shortened to only include my problem with the retraction. The resources I attached were AAP and AAFP websites, a childcare book, and one other one, I forget. I tried to pick things that were short and "mainstream" seeming.
Dr. tried calling back twice and didn't reach me. A month goes by.
Later, I ran into the doctor at an event. Since we were in a somewhat public place, we were limited in the length and vocabulary of our conversation, but basically he said:
1. I didn't do what those sheets were describing. "that" (retraction) is when you force it, and it bleeds. (me: but everything I've seen says never to do it, and that it is normally "attached" at that age). It just slipped back, which can be normal at that age.
2. I have to do "that" to check for malformations. (me: I'm not sure I believe you)
3. Well, find a doctor you are comfortable with.
So, it sounds like either I was wrong (don't think so because else why would my son have been in pain afterwards, it doesn't just "slip back" when I examined it afterwards, etc.), or my letter didn't get through to the doctor. He still thinks that he did a normal, helpful, good thing.
Now what? I have a bazillion things I wish I would have said (like, "how come he was in pain afterwards", "why didn't you ask before doing this", etc.).
ETA: Also see Post #32
