Children at Birth?

[Angel_7971]

Have you had children at your birth? Did they attend the birth as well as watching the laboring? How old were they, how did it go? What did you do to prepare them?

My 11yo goddaughter (who I spend massive amounts of time with) has been asking to come to my birth since before I was pregnant. I told her it is something I would have to discuss with her mom (my best friend). My initial reaction is "of course" but I can't imagine how her mother might react to the idea. To me birth is magical and empowering. Then again, I've never done it before.

I want to be informed on children watching births and preparation before I bring the idea to her.

Thanks!

[fruitfulmomma]

I imagine it would be different with a child not your own, but my dd, who was 6 at the time, attended my last birth.

She has always attended prenatals with me and has wanted to be midwife since she was very young. With this last baby she was more involved with the prenatals because she knew she wanted to be there for the birth. So she would listen in and help the midwife out with little things like getting out the tape measure and what not.

At home we looked at books and watched some youtube birth videos and the BOBB together.

For the birth I had a young midwife-in-training we know come and help out with her. My labor was pretty mellow up until the last couple of hours, so mostly they were playing in the bedroom and she helped her get food when she was ready for supper. I thought she might sleep for a little while and we would wake her but she was too excited. We called her out of the room when I started getting pushy and then she just sat quietly and watched. She wanted to catch but when we got to that point she changed her mind. After the baby was born she cut the cord and helped weigh her and get her dressed. She was very excited about that and told everyone she met for several weeks about it.

[melamama]

I think everyone is different, and that it is possible that you might feel differently during labor, but an 11yo is probably much easier to deal with at a birth than a 2yo (but it of course depends on that 2yo and that 11yo).

I have 4 hb dc, each 3y apart so for my last dd I had a 3yo, 6yo, and 9yo at home when I gave birth. During labor I wanted no one around me, and the baby came so fast that none of them were in the room when I gave birth. But they were all there immediately after, so they all got to help with all the newborn checks, and my oldest dd cut the cord.

I think if she's not familiar with birthing already I would (after talking it over with her mom) talk with her about labor and birth, and certainly would watch some good videos. I imagine it also depends on where you're planning to birth, and what kind of birth you hope to have---with my dd (when she was 3) she saw a lot of homebirth videos as well as water births--since that's what we were wanting.

[pageta]

I had my two boys - just turned 6 and almost 2 - at my recent hospital birth. My mom was there and watched them (entertained them) in the family waiting room. Once the midwife came, they got my mom and the boys. She sat on the bed with them and explained what was going on (I was in the tub, in transition/pushing). By the time baby was born, they had come over to stand next to daddy, who was next to me, so they saw the baby come out (as much as you can in a waterbirth) and the midwife bring her up and so forth. My ds1 even watched the midwife sew me up once I had moved to the bed (he did this on his own, and since he seemed fine with it, I didn't say anything).

My boys went to all of my prenatals with me. I mentioned it to all three midwives in the practice, that I wanted the boys at the birth. They were all fine with it. One of them told me that kids of all ages (even little ones) usually did fine unless Mom lost control and got really upset (not dealing well with pain or something) and then the kids would get scared and upset.

My little one was very much mommy's boy, and since I've heard the transition is easier for small children if they see the birth, I really wanted him to be there. My oldest was completely absorbed with that show on TLC where they shows the births (A Baby's Story?). My little one has done very well with the transition, which was what I was hoping for.

When I was a kid, I would have loved to see a birth. This time around, I had doulas in training invited to the birth as well as being open to students observing because I think it is very important for people to learn about natural birth. If you could have this child at your birth, it would truly be a great gift to her.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do!

[Veritaserum]

My older children have been present at younger siblings' births. We talked, read books, and watched videos so that they would be prepared for the sights/sounds they might encounter during the birth. I've had my older children ages 22 months - 8 years at my home births. They were in and out during labor and some were in for the birth itself. They all thought it was neat to be there to welcome the new member of our family.

[limette]

DD1 was 2.5 when she attended her sisters birth. She was completely unfazed even when I screamed the loudest I've ever screamed in my life (during sterile water injections). She also slept threw the pushing/delivery stage despite the fact that she hadn't napped since she was a year old and it was happening in the afternoon in the same room as her.

[alegna]

Dd was nearly 4 when ds was born and she was here for the whole thing.

-Angela

[Tashakittie]

My DS, 3.5 years old, watched the entire birth of DS2, almost 3 weeks old. He was mesmerized, and coached me. We did not plan for him to be there, but it was an unplanned homebirth we had. He had been to a few mw appts w/ me, and was always thrilled to hear baby's heartbeat. He always asked many questions, and we explained the process of labor and birth many times- so it wasn't a complete mystery. While I labored, he kept trying to make sure I was ok. While Sebastian was emerging, he said to me: "just breathe mommy, just breathe deep." Later on, he couldn't stop telling people that Sebastian just slipped right out of mommy's tummy! I'm so happy for how it turned out- its an experience he'll carry for the rest of his life.

[gillibean]

My children were 7 and 5 when DD2 was born. I loved having them there. They spent most of the time during labour asleep. When they woke up they spent their time between the living room with me and watching tv. DH called them up when I knew the baby was going to be coming soon. They thought it was really cool.

[Lindsay1234]

On the flip side, I just had a dd2 with my 7yr old dd present. Well dd2 had shoulder dystocia and cyanosis from a heart problem and came out purple and not moving.

Dd1 is getting better now but my 7 yr old is still a little haunted by what happened. (and the birth/dystocia was so fast we didnt have time to get her out of the room) And she told me the absolute worst part of the whole thing was hearing me push because it sounded like I was in so much pain. The videos didnt prepare her for HER mom doing it!

Im not trying to come down on anyone for having kids present, dd1 will be at the next one too, just warning you that sometimes it gets scary!

[jecombs]

If you are birthing in a hospital, you'll also want to check what their policies are about non-family members who are under 18 being at the birth. The hospital I used for DD would not have allowed any children under 12 who were not siblings on L&D or the Mom/Baby Unit. Now they are not even allowing siblings on either unit because of H1N1 concerns. Just be sure to check it out before you goddaughter gets her hopes up too high.