I. Am. Done. Like done-done. As in screaming at my kids then collapsing into a ball of tears done. I just can't handle this anymore. And if I was seeing my OB tomorrow, and he said the word "induction" I'd probably say yes.
Luckily I'm not seeing him till Friday. Is that lucky? Whatever.
I've never gone past my 38th week, so to be at 40+2 is horrible.
This whole pregnancy has been up and down...it was unexpected in the first place, started out pretty horrible with Connor being in the hospital really sick, I've been fighting off my fear of the health of the baby the whole pregnancy (we decided not to have more children because Connor's syndrome is genetic). Many babies with his syndrome don't make it to birth, or don't make it past their first year. He's one of the lucky ones, escaped two of the most serious symptoms of the syndrome (cardiac and hypocalcemia) and his other major issues have been well managed from birth (serious feeding issues, immune deficiency, numerous airway malformations). This baby's ultrasound looked good, but so did Connor's when I was pregnant with him. We declined all other prenatal testing, and I still absolutely stand by that decision from a moral/ethical/personal standpoing, but god that makes this that much harder.
I just want my baby in my arms so I can KNOW that he's healthy.
I want my body back.
I want my mood back! I know that I"ll have ups and downs in the post partum period, so I want to just get to it so I can get through it. At least then I can go to the gym for a good workout to help my mood. God I miss going to the gym. Or running. The Air Force Marathon was a week ago, I ran in that race last year, I had planned on running in it this year, I couldn't even go to watch it because it was just too damn depressing. Looking and feeling like a fat cow is not helping my mood any.
My body has been gearing up for over a month now. I've had lots of "false starts" that do nothing but get my hopes up (and hopefully make some progress, I haven't checked in a while). My body did this with my other two, too, but eventually did go into full blown labor. Why is it not now??
I have been fighting off fears that something is wrong. Like a cord issue, maybe baby really is tied up in there and just can't come out. Or maybe that pain I've been having off and on in my pelvis really is the baby's shoulder stuck (I've been working hard on positioning exercises, and it's a whole lot better). I fear a c-section so badly!
Ian was 9.5 pounds, Connor was 8.5 pounds, and I'm now two weeks MORE pregnant than I've ever been. Is this a monster 10+ pound baby??? I don't want to deliver that!!!! Or at least I want drugs
Right about now a pitocin drip and an epidural don't sound too bad, in all honesty.
So there...I said it all. Everything from this baby wasn't planned to I don't care about going natural anymore. Those are the deep dark thoughts in my mind. I just want this to be over with!!!
But I know that my body WILL go into labor, I WILL do it naturally (barring any unforeseen issues) and then I'll be on here cheering on anyone who's left. See...there's just a little bit of logic left in my brain.
Luckily I'm not seeing him till Friday. Is that lucky? Whatever.
I've never gone past my 38th week, so to be at 40+2 is horrible.
This whole pregnancy has been up and down...it was unexpected in the first place, started out pretty horrible with Connor being in the hospital really sick, I've been fighting off my fear of the health of the baby the whole pregnancy (we decided not to have more children because Connor's syndrome is genetic). Many babies with his syndrome don't make it to birth, or don't make it past their first year. He's one of the lucky ones, escaped two of the most serious symptoms of the syndrome (cardiac and hypocalcemia) and his other major issues have been well managed from birth (serious feeding issues, immune deficiency, numerous airway malformations). This baby's ultrasound looked good, but so did Connor's when I was pregnant with him. We declined all other prenatal testing, and I still absolutely stand by that decision from a moral/ethical/personal standpoing, but god that makes this that much harder.
I just want my baby in my arms so I can KNOW that he's healthy.
I want my body back.
I want my mood back! I know that I"ll have ups and downs in the post partum period, so I want to just get to it so I can get through it. At least then I can go to the gym for a good workout to help my mood. God I miss going to the gym. Or running. The Air Force Marathon was a week ago, I ran in that race last year, I had planned on running in it this year, I couldn't even go to watch it because it was just too damn depressing. Looking and feeling like a fat cow is not helping my mood any.
My body has been gearing up for over a month now. I've had lots of "false starts" that do nothing but get my hopes up (and hopefully make some progress, I haven't checked in a while). My body did this with my other two, too, but eventually did go into full blown labor. Why is it not now??
I have been fighting off fears that something is wrong. Like a cord issue, maybe baby really is tied up in there and just can't come out. Or maybe that pain I've been having off and on in my pelvis really is the baby's shoulder stuck (I've been working hard on positioning exercises, and it's a whole lot better). I fear a c-section so badly!
Ian was 9.5 pounds, Connor was 8.5 pounds, and I'm now two weeks MORE pregnant than I've ever been. Is this a monster 10+ pound baby??? I don't want to deliver that!!!! Or at least I want drugs
Right about now a pitocin drip and an epidural don't sound too bad, in all honesty.
So there...I said it all. Everything from this baby wasn't planned to I don't care about going natural anymore. Those are the deep dark thoughts in my mind. I just want this to be over with!!!
But I know that my body WILL go into labor, I WILL do it naturally (barring any unforeseen issues) and then I'll be on here cheering on anyone who's left. See...there's just a little bit of logic left in my brain.
