How would you guys handle a kid, age 7, who does the
1. "I'm the best" "I'm rare" or "I'm famous" gig all the time, together with "I like my house/toy/pet better than my friend's house/toy/pet" (luckily always said to me, not to the friend)
together with
2. It's always someone else's fault. I've heard the "you tripped me!" line a lot.
plus
3. Uncaring about all peers (her BFF is older - it's the one friendship that works*). Classmates say "hi," soccer teammates say "wow, that was great" and my kid ignores them completely until I coach her in the return "hello." My kid seems very happy, just doesn't seem to care about peer opinions AT ALL. In fact prefers to dress differently, speak of herself as different. Frankly my kid prefers her cat's or insects' company. *She loves her BFF, sees her every day at after-school daycare, but for unknown reasons BFF's mom won't permit playdates. BFF is the one person she adores, but BFF is developmentally disabled and frankly, my kid is the definite leader there, no disagreements from BFF. So basically my kid likes friends who won't talk back to her.
together with
4. Ocassional (every few months) striking out physically, punching or kicking someone at school or team she feels insulted her.
plus
5. Lying when she's caught at #4 - it's always an accident, or "someone pushed me."
Kid can sit appropriately at school, and interactions with me & grownups are fine - she's invariably described as "so sweet, and very very smart."
Happy home life, no siblings. Plenty of peer time at daycare and school, although playdates are now rare (frankly, other kids don't want to play with her; the playdates that do occur end in verbal altercations and blaming.) Has plenty of coaching and modelling from me. School counselor observed and met with her a few times last year but by the time the public-school bureaucracy wheels turned, it was end of year and they basically said a new year would fix things. Nope.
I always GD, with empathy talks (and writing apology letters) and loss of privileges for big items. She has a regular Feelings Journal and is encouraged to express her emotions, happy or mad, and talk out behavior. I cannot afford private counseling. I work FT and can't home or private school (or even observe in school more than 1x or 2x a year.) Maybe not related, she's bored out of her mind at school and is likely gifted (testing not done yet).
Basically I've seen her social pool narrow ridiculously, and I'm afraid she's going to have no friends at all very soon. If she weren't so delightful, happy and grateful (she just said the sunset was "heavenly" and was glad to see it) I'd worry she had a personality disorder, but it's like she KNOWS how to act with others, she just doesn't usually WANT to. I'm stymied on why she's doing this, and what to do differently. WWYD?
1. "I'm the best" "I'm rare" or "I'm famous" gig all the time, together with "I like my house/toy/pet better than my friend's house/toy/pet" (luckily always said to me, not to the friend)
together with
2. It's always someone else's fault. I've heard the "you tripped me!" line a lot.
plus
3. Uncaring about all peers (her BFF is older - it's the one friendship that works*). Classmates say "hi," soccer teammates say "wow, that was great" and my kid ignores them completely until I coach her in the return "hello." My kid seems very happy, just doesn't seem to care about peer opinions AT ALL. In fact prefers to dress differently, speak of herself as different. Frankly my kid prefers her cat's or insects' company. *She loves her BFF, sees her every day at after-school daycare, but for unknown reasons BFF's mom won't permit playdates. BFF is the one person she adores, but BFF is developmentally disabled and frankly, my kid is the definite leader there, no disagreements from BFF. So basically my kid likes friends who won't talk back to her.
together with
4. Ocassional (every few months) striking out physically, punching or kicking someone at school or team she feels insulted her.
plus
5. Lying when she's caught at #4 - it's always an accident, or "someone pushed me."
Kid can sit appropriately at school, and interactions with me & grownups are fine - she's invariably described as "so sweet, and very very smart."
Happy home life, no siblings. Plenty of peer time at daycare and school, although playdates are now rare (frankly, other kids don't want to play with her; the playdates that do occur end in verbal altercations and blaming.) Has plenty of coaching and modelling from me. School counselor observed and met with her a few times last year but by the time the public-school bureaucracy wheels turned, it was end of year and they basically said a new year would fix things. Nope.
I always GD, with empathy talks (and writing apology letters) and loss of privileges for big items. She has a regular Feelings Journal and is encouraged to express her emotions, happy or mad, and talk out behavior. I cannot afford private counseling. I work FT and can't home or private school (or even observe in school more than 1x or 2x a year.) Maybe not related, she's bored out of her mind at school and is likely gifted (testing not done yet).
Basically I've seen her social pool narrow ridiculously, and I'm afraid she's going to have no friends at all very soon. If she weren't so delightful, happy and grateful (she just said the sunset was "heavenly" and was glad to see it) I'd worry she had a personality disorder, but it's like she KNOWS how to act with others, she just doesn't usually WANT to. I'm stymied on why she's doing this, and what to do differently. WWYD?
