I told him that, as for me, the situations are very different. When my 14 yr old was 5, it was just me and him (his bio father was never involved) and I worked full time. I lavished all of my attention on him every minute that I could. I spent every spare second with my son because I wanted to. When my dh came into the picture, things changed because I split my spare time between my two favorite people in the world, my ds and my dh. Now I have three children and a dh to split my time between. It doesn't mean I don't love any one of them any less or favor any one of them, it just means that sometimes one will need attention from me and I can't always give it immediately.
He still thinks I favor my oldest over my two younger children. After spending a night awake really really deeply looking into myself about this, I just don't see it. The majority of my time is spent on my two littles, my oldest actually usually gets the shaft because he doesn't need his bottom wiped. I try to connect with him on a daily basis, just as I do countless times a day in little ways with my two littles. He sees me trying to hold my oldest close and thinks I am showing preference.
Help! How do we resolve this? Is counseling in order?