s to you. Just a thought: you had a terrible "birth day" experience with lo, but instead of seeing him as the culprit, could you choose to feel sympathy for his experience as well? He may not have had expectations, per se, but he didn't get to have the experience you wanted *him* to have either (I'm assuming - cesarean birth, cold surgery suite, not laid on your chest etc). Both of you were victims of a birth that was upsetting and scary. Could you see him *with* you in this, as opposed to against you? This isn't meant to add guilt to your heart - his position and not being able to get him out is neither your fault nor his - it's meant to perhaps soften your heart towards him and see that his birth day was hard and scary for him, too. You can grieve for both of you, and remember that he did share in some of your pain, not cause it.
That said, I agree with one of the pp about separating this terrible series of events from the fact that you love your son and you celebrate *him*, not the way he came into the world. Maybe it's not this year, but when his birthday comes around again, perhaps you can focus on it - and ask your family to do the same - as a day that just celebrates him and who he is, and not as a rememberance of the day he was born. Maybe this year it isn't a birthday party - it's a "DS's name Party" with the focus just being about him as a member of your family. Maybe there are party decorations, but not birthday decorations. Maybe you don't do the whole cake and candles thing, but have other food or snacks. Maybe it would be good to do it, as was suggested, on a date totally separate from the birthday, so it has nothing to do with his birthday or that anniversary whatsoever - it's a totally separate concept.
I also second the idea of exploring your options for a new counselor if you're not feeling any better after 10 months. You may have just gone as far as you can go with this one.