Hi everyone I hope you can help me change what is going on and please no flames for the mistakes I know I am currently making
When I was young, I was spanked or wooden spooned, and when I had one of my rages, my parents would pin me to the floor until I calmed down. My dad was a farm raised WWII kid, its just what he knew growing up. When I was diagnosed with ADHD in high school, I justified their actions, thinking that they did what was needed given my outbursts. (ps, not ADHD anymore, it was food allergies)
Since having my son, my hurt from being hit has bubbled to the surface, and I have had dreams where I am spanking my then 6mo old. It has at times been horrifying to relive, and horrifying to think I would repeat what was done to me. I have had to come to grips, now at 28, with what happened. I have talked to my dad and he now knows how I feel, and since he is the one that watches DS most, he knows that HANFH and it won't be the same with DS as it was with me.
Well, here we are at 14mo, and DS is starting to get very aggressive. He head butts like a goat, really really hard, he bites, he smacks my face, trying to swipe the glasses off my eyes, and he knows what he is doing, you can see him sort of ramp up and get devilish. Unfortunately, my instinctual reaction based on how I grew up, is to "teach him how it feels", especially when whacking the glasses off my face results in me with a bloody gash down the side of my nose. And its like I can't stop myself before I am already in the motion of tapping his forehead relatively hard with a smack after he's done the same to me. And if I don't do anything, and just say "no Chase, gentle", he literally laughs and goes at me harder.
I do NOT want to be like my parents and I don't ever want Chase to feel the confusing emotions that I have felt. I need help or tools to be able to fully be a GD parent, and let go of my ingrained tendencies. Any help, advice, reading lists you could offer would be greatly appreciated.
When I was young, I was spanked or wooden spooned, and when I had one of my rages, my parents would pin me to the floor until I calmed down. My dad was a farm raised WWII kid, its just what he knew growing up. When I was diagnosed with ADHD in high school, I justified their actions, thinking that they did what was needed given my outbursts. (ps, not ADHD anymore, it was food allergies)
Since having my son, my hurt from being hit has bubbled to the surface, and I have had dreams where I am spanking my then 6mo old. It has at times been horrifying to relive, and horrifying to think I would repeat what was done to me. I have had to come to grips, now at 28, with what happened. I have talked to my dad and he now knows how I feel, and since he is the one that watches DS most, he knows that HANFH and it won't be the same with DS as it was with me.
Well, here we are at 14mo, and DS is starting to get very aggressive. He head butts like a goat, really really hard, he bites, he smacks my face, trying to swipe the glasses off my eyes, and he knows what he is doing, you can see him sort of ramp up and get devilish. Unfortunately, my instinctual reaction based on how I grew up, is to "teach him how it feels", especially when whacking the glasses off my face results in me with a bloody gash down the side of my nose. And its like I can't stop myself before I am already in the motion of tapping his forehead relatively hard with a smack after he's done the same to me. And if I don't do anything, and just say "no Chase, gentle", he literally laughs and goes at me harder.
I do NOT want to be like my parents and I don't ever want Chase to feel the confusing emotions that I have felt. I need help or tools to be able to fully be a GD parent, and let go of my ingrained tendencies. Any help, advice, reading lists you could offer would be greatly appreciated.
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