So depressed... will I ever find my calling?

[granola_mom]

I'm starting to get really, really depressed and need some help. I've been a stay at home mom since dd was born, but now I'm having to find a career and am finding it very difficult on all levels. I never had a chance to have a career before dd was born, only random jobs and volunteer work. So now I feel totally lost. All my skills and interests relate to homemaking and I have no idea what kind of marketable skills I have or what kind of work I would enjoy enough to be away from my daughter all day.

I've been searching for something I can do that will not only bring in some money but fulfill me in ways that motherhood can't. I really had my heart set on homeschooling dd, but it's just not going to be possible. Every time I discover a job that I may enjoy, I discover that it is very competitive with long hours, etc which I just won't be able to handle. I don't want to be a "career mom". I need something apart from my dd yes, but I want to see her grow up, too and be involved and present.

Yet when I settle and say, okay, I'll just pick a job I can do part time- all those jobs seem to suck and I get really depressed about the idea of spending my days mulling away over some dead end job with no purpose. I'm getting really depressed here. I feel like if I am going to be away from my dd it has to be something fulfilling and something I enjoy. Yet I have no idea how to find out what it is I do enjoy, much less something that will allow me to have plenty of time left for my daughter. Am I just being idealistic? Is it just that most people hate their jobs, so I have to just accept that reality and stop dreaming?

[HydeParkB]

It sounds really stressful! I can't say I've BTDT, but I do at least have a little advice.

There are two books you may want to see if your library has:
What Color is Your Parachute. You've probably heard about this one - it's supposed to help you figure out what you want to do.

The other is How Would Confucius Ask For A Raise. It's been a while since I've read it, but it's a lot of short takes on working. What I took away from it is that some people work to live and other live to work, and both are acceptable and can be healthy perspectives.

It seems the job market is really competitive right now, regardless of level of pay or field.

[samy23]

No words of advice, just wanted to say you're not alone in how you're feeling on this, I'm right there too! And have been for a long time. It does SUCK. Especially when a lot of people seem to know exactly what they want to do and exactly which career, and go for it. I wish I knew what I wanted to do so I could start taking steps to get there yk?

Anyway, what I decided is, although I have no idea what career I want to end up with, I do know a couple of things that interest me to some degree....so I plan on studying them, like do a degree in a subject of interest and then see what careers are available to me and if any would be what I might enjoy. -That way, at least I should end up doing something more enjoyable than working in some dead end store or cleaning job, and should be making more than minimum wage. What do you have some interest in?

[lorijds]

Why do you have to find a calling? Sure, a lot of people have jobs that they love. And a lot of people have jobs that are perhaps mildly interesting, but they do primarily for the paycheck and insurance.

Be proud of an honest day's work. Does my friend the glorified janitor LOVE his job? No. It isn't inspiring or glamorous. He doesn't mind his job; but really, he works to support his family. Maybe instead of having the mindset that you must have this amazing job about which you are incredibly passionate, you should adjust your expectations. How about a job that fulfills some sort of need (and that would describe 90% of jobs, I would guess), is honest, and supplies you with an income so that you can afford to live the life you wish to live?

[marilynmama]

Originally Posted by lorijds

Why do you have to find a calling? Sure, a lot of people have jobs that they love. And a lot of people have jobs that are perhaps mildly interesting, but they do primarily for the paycheck and insurance.

Be proud of an honest day's work. Does my friend the glorified janitor LOVE his job? No. It isn't inspiring or glamorous. He doesn't mind his job; but really, he works to support his family. Maybe instead of having the mindset that you must have this amazing job about which you are incredibly passionate, you should adjust your expectations. How about a job that fulfills some sort of need (and that would describe 90% of jobs, I would guess), is honest, and supplies you with an income so that you can afford to live the life you wish to live?

Great post!

[marilynmama]

I don't really believe there is really a "calling" for most people. Most people work because they have to.

I'm an RN but I never felt "called" to be a nurse. I felt called to get out of the house and make some money, and health care is something I always thought I would enjoy. I knew I wanted a flexible job, something I could work days or nights.

I think you just have to be realistic, thinking about something you wouldn't mind doing, and go for it! What interests you? I had no idea what I wanted to be so in my 30's I started taking college classes and kinda figured it out from there....

Some days at work suck, some days I don't want to be there, but for the most part I enjoy it/some days love it not because of the job per say but I work with some fun people. I make good money for my family, I have the choice to work full or part time. I would rather just not work at all and be home with my kids, but I also don't want to be broke and have no insurance. I'm the breadwinner for my family and carry our health insurance, etc. So for those reasons I am very happy with my job!

But I've also been happy when I was working for Border or Barnes and Noble as well, I've had a lot of great dead end type jobs as well....someone has to work those types of jobs. I don't personally want to work at McD's, but I'm really glad someone does when I'm starving and just want a hamburger and french fries!

[Penelope]

I think most of us have a calling, but it might be an avocation, not a vocation.

I'd look for jobs that sound interesting - the ones that are advertised and just ones you hear about. If I didn't have my current job, I'd love to work in a garden center - I just love plants, and being outdoors, and growing stuff. So maybe your hobbies could lead you in a direction...

It's worth really thinking about.

[AnnaNova]

you are sooooo not alone!!!!
i feel just like you do every day... after school a got kinda like a degree that would allow me to pretty much get an entry level job in a variety of industries thinking that ill figure out eventually what my true passion is life is.
well, it has been some years, but im no more closer to it than i was after school...
and i find it devastating. i was talking to one of my friends the other day and she was talking all about how she wants to be a teacher, has always wanted and is working towards that, and i found myself being very envious... i wish i knew what i really wanted to do in life, it seems to me that then everything else would just fall into place... not without effort of course, but still.
on a different note, i might not have found my true calling, but things i ve passionate about in my life always seemed to work, and regardless of all the arguments aganst, i could actually almost always do them do them, kwim?
so if there is something that you truly truly enjoy, i would say just go for it and try not to focus on things like 'its too competitive' or 'it cant be part time'. my experience shows that when you set a goal and work toward it, things will fall into place if its meant to be. an opportunity to work part time will present itself, and who knows, when you are doing something you truly love, it probably means you will be better than most other people at it, and it won't be so competitive after all...
i dont know if im making myself clear... but oh, im thinking about it every single day too

[meemee]

first mama figure out your priorities.

which you have. your time with your dd. in fact i was having this conversation just today. i am a single mom and really poor. we dont have much money to do much. yeah i had to give up my dream for hsing too.

however being poor is my choice. i wanted part time jobs or flexible schedule jobs so my dd wouldnt have to go to childcare after school.

yes i didnt have a job i enjoyed. however i enjoyed what the job allowed me. it was mindlless work. but i enjoyed my coworkers and while i hated the job, i looked forward to seeing my coworkers.

for me i knew my calling would be to go back to school to study what i love. and i was finally able to do that after a 6 year gap.

a job means a lot of things. not just what your calling is. you might discover other things. like working for a cause. a non profit agency where you might feel you are doing something beyond just earning a pay check.

there are many layers to it. however dont close your options. one day you will have the job you want. you could have it today but you choose not to. and you never know. they might turn out not to be what you thought they were.

i must say when i was just collecting a paycheck, the discipline of going everyday when i didnt want to - was a huge discovery about myself. that i could do it.

[ALittleBitCrunchy]

Originally Posted by lorijds

Why do you have to find a calling? Sure, a lot of people have jobs that they love. And a lot of people have jobs that are perhaps mildly interesting, but they do primarily for the paycheck and insurance.

Be proud of an honest day's work. Does my friend the glorified janitor LOVE his job? No. It isn't inspiring or glamorous. He doesn't mind his job; but really, he works to support his family. Maybe instead of having the mindset that you must have this amazing job about which you are incredibly passionate, you should adjust your expectations. How about a job that fulfills some sort of need (and that would describe 90% of jobs, I would guess), is honest, and supplies you with an income so that you can afford to live the life you wish to live?

This. Excellent post.

I have worked my way into a job that I happen to be good at, which makes it easier for me. And it pays me well because it's a specialized job that is considered 'hard' - even though to me it's cake. So, I go to work, do something I don't mind, and get a paycheck that supports me. No one ever says, "Oh, I want to be an analyst when I grow up!" and I doubt it's a calling and it's nothing like my dream job, but it's fine. It's a job. If I have time to find and develop a career later on, more power to me; if not, I'm still okay.