I'm so mad at myself..

[Mama_2_Boy]

...for being such a bitch last night to DS. I was home from work and trying to get dinner on the table. He kept coming in trying to get me to come look at something he was doing. Twice I got pulled away from stuff on the stove top and the third time I kept telling him "not now, I have to get stuff on the table and it's cooking and I can't leave it"...he continued to pull at me and nag at me to 'come, come, come see'. And I lost it. I started hollering and pushing him along to where he wanted me to go and yelling "what what?? what is so important that you can't wait?!?!" He started bawling. Of course he did. I was being a complete bitch. I picked him up and cuddled him and tried to explain to him that when I ask him to wait he should please wait. I know that my behaviour is wrong. And then the next day after I've had an event like this I dwell on it all day long. I see my parents and how harsh they were on me when I was little. I would never hit DS, not like my folks did to me...but I know that my yelling and agressive behaviour is not helping. I just get so frustrated with myself that I have these episodes. Why do I always sucumb to this behaviour? Why can't I learn my lesson and just smarten the hell up? I KNOW how it felt to be a small helpless child and having an adult clammering down on me. I hated that feeling. And here I am repeating the same bad behaviour. I don't trust myself anymore, especially with another one on the way and thinking when there is added stress that I'm really going to snap. It's a times like these that I really hate my parents for what they did to me.

[Violet2]

It's okay momma. We all have bad days. Just apologize and move on.

DD has been super clingy lately and demanding hug after hug. I've had to put her off several times b/c I'm in the middle of something. It is super frustrating to have thought you met their needs only to have them demand more right in the middle of a critical task.

And then meltdown when you don't drop everything and do what they want.

Sometimes I wonder what matters more? The 20 minutes I spent cuddling her and rocking her that morning or the sobbing meltdown when I couldn't stop to give her a hug that very second. It is sooooo frustrating.

So you are not alone momma.

V

[~Charlie's~Angel~]

Try not to beat yourself up to much, mama. I can see from your siggy that you are prolly a TINSY WEENSY hormonal. BTDT, and just try to go slower next time.

[JL83]

At 4.5 I think it's perfectly reasonable to say "Not right now - I will look when I'm done with this."

But, I have very little patience for people not respecting that sometimes I need some space or time. I don't think you did anything "wrong". It's not like he's a baby and needed to nurse. He's old enough to see that you're busy and to learn that sometimes he needs to respect your needs to.

You're due a little before me. So I'm guessing that you may be even more hormonal than I am.

Maybe take this time to work with your son on strategies for him learning to wait. I know that when this baby comes I'm going to have to nurse the baby and not be able to be as responsive to my DD who will be 3. So we're using this time when I'm exhausted after work to figure out strategies for her to still share things with me without needing me to physically be there.

[Ruthla]

We all have days like that. We apologize and move on.

It's good for kids to see that their parents aren't perfect- it helps them understand that they're still lovable even when they make mistakes. It's good for kids to see their parents "making things better" after making mistakes- it models for them what they should do when they mess up.

The next time he wants your attention when you're cooking dinner, tell him "I'm busy cooking dinner now. You can show me later." Repeat as needed. IMO, it's better to snap at him for not listening when you told him something 5 times than it is to go along with him and then lose your temper the way you did (probably made worse by worrying about dinner burning while you were looking at his stuff.)

And stop dwelling on what already happened. Kids are amazingly resilient. You might have shaken his trust in you, but you didn't break it. As long as you're there for him, and do your best to control your temper in the future, he'll be fine.

[Theoretica]