Toxic job

[Ceinwen]

What do you do when you're in a position that you have to work at a job that is literally sucking your will to live?? I'm a registered nurse and a single mother to two girls. I have lots going for me, but lots to work against as well.

Even though I'm a nurse, I can't do twelve hour shifts, or even shift work for that matter. I have little in the way of outside physical support (lots of emotional support and emergency help from my parents) and am stuck working within daycare hours.

I'm networking like mad, and trying to come up with something that won't be so stressful. I stepped into a junior management position at a private home health care company, and they're literally throwing me to the wolves. I don't feel supported or trained at all. Even worse, there's no union or protection, so I could be let go at any time.

Anyone btdt? Any advice or commiseration??

[Caneel]

No advice on the nursing front expect is there a home health agency where you live? My mom worked at one (business office, not nursing) and the nurses seemed to have pretty good hours and earned a good wage.

I have so been there with the toxic job/work environment. DH and I were in counselling several years back and one of the first things the counsellor told me to do was find a new job. The former one took over my life and the stress spilled over at home.

Can you start formulating a plan to switch jobs like getting your resume together? Have several versions, one to target each of the type of jobs you might want to apply for. For example, if you are interested in straight nursing like a dr.'s office, get a resume ready to that. If you are interested in the same type of job (as you already have) prepare a different resume hightlighting those skills.

I was suck and spinning my wheels. The stress and depression beat out the ambition to look for a different job. Doing the resume thing got the ball rolling and gave me the push I needed to star planning leaving the old job. It took a couple months but when I starting seeing want ads for things I was interested in, I was ready to go.

[laohaire]

If you are let go, that could be a blessing. You could file unemployment and have lots of focused time to look for the next job. So consider removing that thought as a stressor for you.

I don't have any more advice, though. I do have commiseration, though. DH was working a toxic job and we finally bit the bullet and he quit. Obviously you can't just do that and I'm sorry. But you will at some point be free of this, and you will feel much better. Since DH left his toxic job it's been almost bliss (still, a year and 3 months later). But during the job, it was just awful, awful, awful.

[dawningmama]

I, too, have been there. I agree with Caneel that starting the wheels turning on getting out can be a big help. Knowing, planning for change can sometimes help take the edge off the current situation. Check with your local employment office. I know here in the NY state, the services there are not only for those receiveing unemployment. Everyone can use their information and services.

Again,

[Ceinwen]

Thank you so much! I was just really needing some feedback I guess... I'm going to start working up my resume and various cover letters, etc. The first step to getting out of here is going to be finding something to jump into. Hopefully it won't take forever and a day!

[Caneel]

My toxic job was in my degree field but it was highly specialized. I had an on-going pity party for myself that I would never be able to leave because I wouldn't get another job in that field, won't make as much money and so on.

Then I started thinking about what type of job I would take versus the type of job I wanted. This is where prepping different resumes really paid off. In focusing on how my skills and education would apply to different (finance, in my case) jobs, it was like lifting a veil and I was all of a sudden much more hopeful.

[LoveOhm]

Are you opposed to shift work or is it solely the childcare delima keeping you from shift work?

While I don't know much about nursing I do know two seperate single nurse mom's who work shift work. Both of them use college students for childcare...

Mom #1 ~ Room Exchange 4 Childcare
She allows a college girl to stay in her home rent free (but does not provide food,etc.) and in exchange the girl babysits when the kids are not in school and the mom has shift work. The mom has a two bedroom duplex (so no additional bedroom for the student) so she converted the dining room into a somewhat private space for the student.... just by hanging some curtains. There are clear house rules that apply to the student --- no male visitors, no smoking, etc.

Mom #2 Reduce price for childcare
This mom pays a flat amount each month to the student who watches her two boys while she on shift. The college student likes it because after picking the boys up from afterschool care it is really only a couple hours before bed and the student gets plenty of study time. The mom likes it because she pays this student less than 1/2 it would cost if she paid hourly (rember the boys are asleep or at school / after school care the majority of the time) and because she works shift she has more time to be involved with her boys.

That said, I hear shift work is REALLY hard but I do know these two single moms who do it and it seems to work for them.

[LoveOhm]

Also is there a Mother's & More Chapter near you.... or can you post an AD in a local hospital break room.

You could look into swapping shift work with another single nurse mama.

Just throwing out ideas.... like I said I don't really know anything about the demands of nursing. I just could not read and not respond.

[Ellien C]

I've been thinking about this thread a lot (especially since the OP sent me a really nice PM!)

I'm so sorry about the job. Nursing often sounds like such a rough profession sometimes. I was in the Army Reserves with a lot of nurses and many were like "Nurses eat their own!."

I've been in jobs that were dull and one I really hated, but I don't think it was quite that bad. For the dull job, I was also in grad school at night and the job was paying full tuition for my MBA. If I left the job "early" I'd owe some of the tuition back. In the last year I made this rolling spreadsheet of how much I was getting out of the job. I had a bunch of payments that rolled off the books at different times - a different payment for each class. So it was this complex spreadsheet that helped me keep my eye on the prize. For every day I stayed employed, I think I owed $27 less in tuition.

At the same job I worked with a yeller who was dating my boss and a lot of their issues bubbled into work. I wrote about this recently in the single-parenting forum. At some point in that last year, I figured I could go to school full-time for the final semester and I resolved that if she yelled at me one more time, I was just flat out walking out of that place. And this of course, was the point where she sensed my boundaries and strength and she never yelled at me again. Eventually I got a new job and negotiated a tuition pay-back for what I would have owed.

I don't know - somehow you just get through it. For awhile, when my job was dull, I had this little mantra "chop wood, carry water." I think it's a buddhist proverb that says something like - before enlightenment, you chop wood and carry water, but after enlightenment ...





you chop wood and carry water. It reminded me that there was meaning in the everyday. You just do the job you're given because you have to. But this was a dull job - not a toxic job. I'm not sure I could be so zen in a toxic job.

[meandmine]

I am sort of there. I work in an incredibly high stress school and folks slip into negativity pretty easily. We are all working flat out and yet many folks seem quick to criticize each other -- it just snowballs ...

I am hoping (as I did last year) that when the Spring transfair opens there will be a smaller school, closer to home. Last year there wasn't anything that was what I wanted.

If I didn't have that to look forward to, I guess I'd be actively looking for another job.

As you say it is not fair to your family or you to stay put. I struggle with my loyalty to my students and colleagues and my general work ethic vs. my responsibility to have something leftover for my children and me.

M

[Ellien C]

Originally Posted by meandmine

I am sort of there. I work in an incredibly high stress school and folks slip into negativity pretty easily. We are all working flat out and yet many folks seem quick to criticize each other -- it just snowballs ...

ah yes. The beatings will continue until morale improves. Been there - but only briefly.

[meandmine]

Originally Posted by Ellien C

ah yes. The beatings will continue until morale improves. Been there - but only briefly.

Someone used that phrase to describe the culture last year. What surprises me, though, is that it is also colleagues getting down on other colleagues and yet we *all* , with a few exceptions, are doing our darndest ... it just makes a tough situation even tougher when staff turn on each other. I am not too worried about what people say about me, but I don't like hearing what folks say about other people who I know are just as whipped, just as dedicated, and just a fallible as the critic.

I have been in a much more positive school and look forward to the day I can move on.

For the OP and anyone stuck in a toxic place -- just know that it doesn't have to be that way and there are other, healthier places.

M