This is the first day of my first post-miscarriage period. I was only 6 weeks pregnant at the time, so I don't feel worthy of posting in the pregnancy loss board where many women have just lost their full term babies. I didn't really expect to get pregnant this cycle since we've always needed drugs and IUIs to get pregnant, but that little part of me, that little part that as IFers we just can't kill, that little part believed this would be our miracle month. And it wasn't. As usual, it wasn't. And we have to wait out this cycle too as we wait to join a new clinic.
In some ways I'm happy about waiting. DH and I have a 10th anniversary trip planned this month and there would be certain things we couldn't do if I were pregnant. Still, you know how it is. Each month of not being pregnant feels like failure, even if you weren't really trying.
And maybe I really didn't work through all the loss feelings. And I'm lonely about it. Very few people even knew I was pregnant to begin with. My best friends knew, but then one of them lost her dad at the same time as my m/c, so I never really got any sympathy. I know, that's awful. Her loss was worse than mine. Still, I wish that one of them, in the 4 weeks since, had asked how I'm feeling about the loss. They know how hard it is for me to get pregnant. I HATE TTC!!!! I was so happy that it was over.
Maybe I should be posting this in Pregnancy Loss, but the emotions are all tangled up in IF, too.
I just needed to vent.
to us all.
In some ways I'm happy about waiting. DH and I have a 10th anniversary trip planned this month and there would be certain things we couldn't do if I were pregnant. Still, you know how it is. Each month of not being pregnant feels like failure, even if you weren't really trying.
And maybe I really didn't work through all the loss feelings. And I'm lonely about it. Very few people even knew I was pregnant to begin with. My best friends knew, but then one of them lost her dad at the same time as my m/c, so I never really got any sympathy. I know, that's awful. Her loss was worse than mine. Still, I wish that one of them, in the 4 weeks since, had asked how I'm feeling about the loss. They know how hard it is for me to get pregnant. I HATE TTC!!!! I was so happy that it was over.
Maybe I should be posting this in Pregnancy Loss, but the emotions are all tangled up in IF, too.
I just needed to vent.
to us all.
I am so sorry for your loss.
,
Your feelings seem very normal to me. A loss is a loss and I would feel it strongly at any stage esp. after IF.
