Not wanting DH while laboring

[cc_mama]

As I think about stuff more, I want DH present at the birth but I don't think I want him around while I'm laboring. Anyone else like this? I'm doing hypnobabies and am almost always alone when I practice. My mom and sister will probably be in the house but since I don't think either of them is necessarily supportive about the homebirth I don't think I want them in the room with me either. I'm birthing with a pair of midwives - one will act as doula if that's the support I need at the time.

[MsBlack]

Sure, some are like that....don't particularly need or want 'support' from their partner. Besides, you should get whatever you like in that department-you are the one having the baby!

have fun!

[ShwarmaQueen]

My DH is my whole world and I love him to death, but he is NOT a comforting person. I will call him and let him know if I need something, but I'm not requesting that he hang around and provide comfort. Just honesty.

[pjs]

I need my husband to be the gatekeeper and protect my peace bubble. Other than that I don't want him anywhere near me, and we're both fine with that.

[melamama]

Similar to above, I want dh there in the house, but I don't want or need him around me when I'm laboring.
It's just not his skill set (regardless of taking Bradley with our first), he is much better wrangling our kids and getting things for the mw.

[~Kristina~]

My dh is in the room for the whole thing, but I completely block him out and use my bff to comfort and support me. He doesn't do anything for me until baby is out and then he's at my side.

[lastrid]

When I gave birth in the hospital I got in the shower and kicked everyone else out of the bathroom until I was ready to push (or thought I was, not really). I fully expect to be like this again. I think my DH was a little hurt, but he got over it.

[Gracerenee]

I would die without him! LOL. During one of my hospital births he let go of m hand to answer the phone and it was a wrong number... I had a wicked contraction and I was like "HANG UP AND GET BACK OVER HERE NOW!!!

I would rather kick out the midwife than my husband. Ha. But I can totally see it if your husband wasn't the type that would bring you comfort in that situation.

[Peony]

I don't like Dh around while I labor. He leaves me alone and comes in once in a while to see if I need anything. It works well for us.

[FreeRangeMama]

I don't want ANYONE near me when I am in labour. I get very antsy if I am not completely alone. When I am by myself I can tap into my own power, other people just get in the way of that for me. I prefer solo UC (though I like dh in the house to care for the other littles and clean up after the birth......and bring me LOTS of food). I can't imagine doing it any other way

[*MamaJen*]

I didn't want anyone immediately around me, I just wanted to zone off into laborland. Michael Odent is big on the need that a laboring woman has for privacy.
I do wonder if it would be different for me with a different guy? XDP and I got along well and still do, and we understand each other pretty well, but we weren't really intimate. I could see, with another guy that was more of a partner to me, wanting him more in labor. But I do think my labor was a lot easier because I found that private, trance-like space to slip into.

[sunshadow]

I haven't decided if I was DH there or not. At my daughters birth he was just at a loss for what to do even though we took classes and I had very specific things I needed for support that I discussed with him before hand many times. In the moment he just locked up and didn't want to do the wrong thing or wasn't sure. I was too out of it to instruct him on what to do. I think this time we will both have different expectations. But, I still don't know. I don't want to be in that place again where I am feeling hopeless and expect him to do something, anything and then getting upset when he doesn't. I guess that's what doulas are for!

[mwherbs]

lots of women don't need much if any support they usually don't mind quiet company.
I labor like this myself, it is more of an inward journey for me. I mostly just told DH that I needed to focus and I would tell him if I needed anything- like something to drink and eat or another towel- I found that to be the most help- I also had to warn that if I was in the middle of a contraction to just wait to talk to me

[jojoboy]

For birth #2, I thought I was still in pre-labor (I kept telling myself this at the end of my pregnancy, just so I would stay relaxed). I went upstairs by myself to relax in the tub, and relieve the contractions.

When it got more intense, I always had someone in the room with me (either hubby or my sister), but mostly because I needed someone to push on my back during contractions. I really didn't need emotional support. It was better when they didn't try to "comfort" me in any other way, and just let me be in the moment.

Do what you want. Be prepared that you might totally change your mind once you're in labor. Never can tell with these things.

[terrabella]

Originally Posted by Gracerenee

I would rather kick out the midwife than my husband. Ha. But I can totally see it if your husband wasn't the type that would bring you comfort in that situation.

My DH *is* my doula.

And he's my other half. I would hate to labor without him by me. Makes me just thinking about it.

[Noelle C.]

My fiance is wonderfully comforting, but I've already let him know not to take it personally if I want time alone, and he understands. You're not alone in maybe not wanting him there.

[limette]

My dh was pretty useless during the first birth. For the second I had a doula and he just spent most of labor hanging out with dd1. When she fell asleep and I hit the pushing stage, he joined in with the cheerleading and was awesome.

[BanditaMamacita]

With dd, my first, i really had no interest in having dh around... I kept finding myself sneaking off to rock and moan in private. He was determined to be this great labor partner, but i felt more comfortable alone. He was actually really hurt that i didnt want to hold his hand while i was pushing or anything, but i just didn't.

With ds, i didn't feel that way as much. I had back labor with him, so counterpressure helped a lot, and i liked the company while i walked.. and walked... and walked. Talking to someone helped me relax between cxns. And i actually did involuntarily grab onto him while pushing. So it was totally different. I think every labor is diff and every woman is different and it's ok to feel however u feel at the time

[Belle]

For Dd1 I couldn't have done it without him. I also had a hospital birth and some of the people there (not all, I can't speak highly enough about the nurses I had) did their best to annoy me.

For Dd2's homebirth I did need him, but only to bring me food and drink. Mostly I just wanted to be left alone. It worked out great. Our tiny bathroom is a great place to labor.

[itsajenism]

When laboring with DS I was mostly annoyed by people being around me so I'm fairly certain that I'm not going to want DH, or anyone else, around me while I'm laboring this time. I've known since my last birth (almost 5 years ago) that if/when I have another child, I want somewhere that can be MY space. I'll be setting our bedroom up as my "peaceful space" where I can be left alone while I'm in there. If I come out into the living room, I'm fair game for questions and talking.