Photography

[CageFreeFamily]

One of our friends happens to be a fairly successful freelance photojournalist for the NYT, Time and others. He's very talented and a truly different kind of person.

He documented our journey toward a simpler life for the NYT in 2008, traveled with us in our RV for several weeks and has become one of our best friends.

Last night he asked if he could be present to photograph the birth of our third baby; my first UC.

I'm torn.
The idea seems to go against the romantic, sensual, solitary feeling of UC, but I can't seem to help but feel that if I say no that I might miss out on a truly, exceptionally beautiful gift for myself and this baby. We're talking professional quality beauty, captured by a person who's job and passion it is to relay the beauty of even the most ugly moments.

I feel like I can't make a decision. I worry both that it will inhibit me and also that I could regret saying no. In truth, it is nothing more than lacking physical self confidence that makes me feel uncomfortable.

Thoughts?

[HisBeautifulWife]

Can he do pregnancy photos and then after the baby comes? By pregnancy photos I mean maybe pics of you guys setting up the birthing area, or listening with a fetoscope, or whatever you all do in this pregnancy as part of your UC?

Just an idea, though perhaps not a good one.

Or maybe early labor photos and then come back when the baby arrives so you can have privacy?

[Serenyd]

I'd do it, but I'd also make sure he understand he was to leave your birthing space immed. if you wanted or needed him to.

[reducereuserecycle]

since you have doubt then i say, don't do it. you don't need anything to hinder you....even some photos are not worth what hinderance can do.

maybe right after the birth...that is still a magical time. we didn't get any pics after my uc until like 24 hours afer the birth cause we were so busy with the baby and the cleanup. we kinds just didn't get around to it and i wish i had some photos from the first day. so i agree with the pp that maybe some pics before and after would be perfect

[Adasmommy]

I would do it--but only if you are comfortable with that. Can you agree on the condition that you can send him out of the room and call him back in on a whim?

[lia_joy]

I'd ask that he be on-call, with the understanding he might be invited into the labor or maybe just after the baby is born, and that he might be asked to leave at any point... I wouldn't commit to anything and just see how i felt when the time came. Personally, I don't think i'd mind a photographer during labor, but thinking about it ahead of time, stressing about when to call etc, might get to me so I'd want to have a really flexible arrangement.

-Lia

[Zenful]

I would have him photograph the birth because I regret not having more quality pictures taken when my son was born (UC) nearly 3 years ago now. I only have one that my partner took a few minutes after he was born, but it's not very good quality. I know that I would have really treasured having amazingly beautiful and captivating photos (which it sounds like is what you're definitely going to get).

Since he's your friend and also sounds like a kind person, I'm sure he won't mind if you decide you need some space during labor. It sounds like even if a good chunk of the time you don't want him around, he will probably still get some good shots in. Something that always seems to help me feel less inhibited is being totally honest about how I'm feeling. Not sure if you have that kind of bond with him, but if you're comfortable with it, I urge you to share how you're feeling and what your concerns are. Even if he doesn't have any new suggestions, simply sharing what's going on inside of you will more than likely help you come to terms with feeling inhibited.

[gillibean]

I'd totally do that but that's me. I have a friend I'd love to have film my labour and birth but I don't think his wife would be cool with that. We'll be going with our home video camera.

[gossamerwindweb]

I had a good friend here to video tape and photograph our UC. BUT... she has been a friend for a long time who has seen me naked before, so that wasn't a concern. Also, she has had her own UC so I knew she wouldn't panic about our method of birth. She ended up being more support than I ever thought I would need as my labor went on for many hours. Anyhow, I think if you have misgivings about his presesnce at your birth, don't do it. But I DO love that I have so many pictures and stuff of my UC, so if you think he would be respectful and you wouldn't feel shy around him, by all means do it.

[mcgee]

Peeking in from the homebirth board... I would do it, as long as you talk to him advance about how you envision the birth going, what you see his role as being, how comfortable or uncomfortable you are with certain things, and his willingness to step outside the room if you need/want him to do so. I would work out in advance with him how the pictures are to be used, if they're to be published, if you'll have any control over which photos are published, whether you're comfortable with more "graphic" shots, etc.

We are having our homebirth photographed by a professional photographer, and I am SO looking forward to it!

[CageFreeFamily]

Thanks everyone!
I think I'm going to go for it.

He told me that he believed a positive birth experience to be the most important birthright of a woman.
When I began thinking of what kind of person he is I became more comfortable with it. I was remembering when we first got to know him...
he was documenting our journey to donate all of our things and move onto an RV for a year. He was with us nearly every day. On the last day we had to go to my father's house to whittle down the already small stack of boxes of things that seemed to sentimental to give away.

We went through the boxes over and over and couldn't figure out how to reduce the very last of our belongings into a tiny closet. I finally laid face down on the floor and cried for a little while. This was the only time of the process that I felt emotional and the only time that he did not pick up his camera. Not once. Not one photograph. It was almost midnight, he'd been there with us, playing with the kids, for hours and surely this would have been a killer moment to capture, but he didn't do it.

He just gave me the space, no words, no cameras, no comments. Just space.

After he began traveling with us he proved himself to simply be that kind of person: capable of being a person rather than a journalist and knowing when that time was. So, I'm feeling like I can trust the same from him in this case.

[zoebird]

for me, photography was definitely something that i couldn't go for. even if i felt completely comfortable with someone, even if my husband was doing it, i knew it wasn't right for me. i am so grateful that i don't have any photographs of labor or birth.

for me, the camera is an observer, and an observer is a hinderance. what happened at my birth is truly exceptional, life changing. i believe that i needed the cloistered privacy that my husband and i created.

of course, i am not saying this because i think that you should do the same or different from me. if you think that this will add to your experience one way or another, then definitely do it.

[zoebird]

btw, i love your handle (name).

[MandyB]

If it were me, I would do it. He sounds like an exceptional person and photographer and I'm sure he would capture the most amazing photos that you'll cherish forever. My midwife is also an aspiring photographer, and a very "hands off" type of midwife. I can honestly say that I did not ever notice her taking pictures during my daughters birth, because I was so in the "birth zone". I was so amazed by and grateful for the pictures that she was able to get. Of course, I'm also a photographer, so I may have a more biased slant on the subject!

[Zenful]

Originally Posted by CageFreeFamily

He just gave me the space, no words, no cameras, no comments. Just space.

Reading this, tears came to my eyes. He sounds like a very sweet, respectful person. I wish you a wonderful labor and birthing experience and many beautiful pictures to cherish