Sinking deep into depression...

[honey-lilac]

I don't know if it's hormones or what, but I'm having a very, very hard time dealing with my not-yet-two-year-old weaning. She's fully weaned now. I lost my milk and she has zero interest in even looking at it now. For a week I've tried to encourage her in a last ditch effort to keep it up, but it's clear to me that it's done. I've been crying for the past three days, and it's seriously not cool! My husband is convinced I'm going crazy and I'm pretty sure there's some truth to it.

I thought it would be therapeutic to write a letter to her, as I've seen some other moms do for their weaning children. I thought I would share it here since there is exactly ZERO understanding in my real-world community who would understand that I'm not totally about having my boobies back for myself. They think I'm crazy for nursing past six months, never mind a year and a half. But I didn't want to stop yet.

Anyway, here's the letter, with some photos. I have lots more photos than that but these were the most public-friendly.

http://alpinesanctum.blogspot.com/20...-daughter.html

[DogwoodFairy]

I cried. That is a beautiful letter, and a very honest, loving point of view. Your daughter will be honored when she is old enough to read it. Thank you for sharing it...I need to go blow my nose now.

[honey-lilac]

Thank you very much for your kind words. I'm at a slightly better place right now. It's bittersweet to be done. DD still comes up to me a couple of times during the day and asks to nurse, so I lift my shirt and she nuzzles in, gives a kiss to the boob and then says "all done" and leaves. I always get my hopes up that she's going to actually nurse but she doesn't, and I know it's pretty much over at this point.

I'm a tiny teensy bit surprised that over a hundred views have happened but only one reply. I guess in my paranoid mind I'm worried that people thought that it's not possible to have a child under two wean, but didn't want to say anything negative. Paranoia, yeah, I blame it on the hormones.

[Meiri]

Well done to have nursed her until she was done.

[BellaClaudia]

Thank you for sharing your beatiful letter.
I cried to as it conveyes emotions and feeling
of anyone who is was or will be ever
at the end of the nursing stretch.

For us is is not over yet at 4.4 mark.
I can relate to your grief as although
I never ended nursing oftentimes I was
getting blues only thinking about the end
of nursing. Someone once said about nursing
"no one told me it hurts so much to begin
and no one told me it hurst so much to end"
It was somwhere in some main stream baby magazine..
but so true that even thought of it hurts.

On the other hand the hormons are defenetely
not making it any easier. I noticed that
any changes in nursing pattern here makes
huge impact on my mental state. Ability to
deal with being upset over anything.
I get super emotional. Even simple hormonal
shift that was bit challenging during menstrual
cycle before having my child nowdays is a big issue.

At the same time I feel that my body is giving up
on me and I am having aches and pains where I
was not so I feel that it is time to gradually let go..
it is sad to think about it because my DD is
very attached to nursing and it hurts to think
about doing it and yet I think I gradually have
to head this direction.

I am trying to look back with pride and joy
at the last 4.4 years and take comfort in this.
I am the only one that I know in person that did this
and I did this at the expense of actually relationship
with most of family because their attitude towards
my parenting choices - nursing being most
offensive to them - was so hostile and so untactful
that at the end I just gave up on them so I could do
in peace what mattered most.

In any case, I send you lots of blessings and carma
and congratulate on the time you went strong.
Hugs and kisses

Bella

P.S. If you ever will feel like trying again..
and I know that it probably is not good idea
but trying to go back to good night and wake up
nursing might work because they sometimes
are just more intersted at bedtime and waking up.
I know it is like going backwards but then again..
if you ever want to give it a try then this might work.

[honey-lilac]

I keep offering, and last night I even snuck in there to see if she would like some nurses while she was asleep. No go. She woke up, looked at me, giggled, and said "go sleep mommy" and rolled over and instantly went back to snoring, the little devil. At this point it seems like I'm almost harassing her, and I'm starting to feel like a mental case for not letting go. I don't want to press her more, it seems more for me than for her and that doesn't sit well with me. We also tried taking a bath together and all she did was splash me. And she asked to nurse twice today but seems to have forgotten how to latch. She puts her lips up to it and then scampers off without even trying to get any milk out. It's what I hear described about older kids who weaned...

[Happily Blessed]

I did not go to your blog as I am an emotional mess today. But my son is going to be 3 in January, and weaned a year ago. We had the same where I kept offering. I asked him if he was done and he said, yes, he was done. So we weaned. It was that easy. As far as stopping. But I still miss it. Even a year later.

So, enjoy the relationship you shared, rejoice in knowing you gave your daughter the best, and you will have the strength to move on with grace. Many hugs.

[AbigailGrace]

I went into depression, too, when my 18 mth old weaned. And it was my idea. I even regretted it afterwards. (go figure!) So you are not alone!