Ugh! I thought I already did this?!

[GinnyMama]

I thought I had worked through all my doubts about my body working properly.

Apparently not. And I'm not really sure where to go from here. Congrats and thanks to anyone that actually makes it through this post that completely lacks logic.

It's a very small nagging, but it's definitely affecting me. All sorts of really stupid scenarios that I'm sure most people never even THINK of are manifesting themselves, and it's not helping me to feel peaceful these last few weeks of pregnancy.

I began having some consistent contractions about a week ago. Not too intense, but my body was definitely gearing up! During my first birth, I followed the ever-stupid "rule" that you should go to the hospital if you've been having contractions 5 minutes apart lasting a minute for an hour. My ctx were 3 minutes apart then, though not intense. Very long story short, 36 hours later my little girl was cut out of my abdomen, as I was diagnosed with failure for my spooty OB to wait... er... I mean failure to progress. During the "labor", I tried everything I could... I actually concentrated on making each contraction as painful as possible, I was so desperate. Back to the present: The contractions I had a week ago were the same type that I prematurely went to the hospital with with my daughter. But I knew better this time.

Yesterday morning, I began having more intense rushes. I was having a hard time talking through them, and I knew my body was getting ready to birth this baby! (just for any reference, in case anyone is wondering, my daughter was "born" at 37 weeks and she was 8lbs, long fingernails, no breathing or latching problems, etc. etc. I think I cook them fast) They sort of stayed the same intensity all day, then when I went to bed, they got a bit more intense. I was even nauseous and started shaking for a little while. It felt like a hormone overload that caused that bit. I was planning on letting DH sleep longer while I labored in the living room. I eventually fell asleep, and when I got up this morning, the ctx were still going. Not as intense as the shaking part, but I could still feel them, definitely.

Then this afternoon, they stopped. Just *poof*, stopped. And while I thought I was prepared for this, and I'm quite content to wait until this baby is ready to come out, now I have these dumb things going through my head. Can a body get "resistant" to oxytocin? I mean, if you take any sort of drug for any amount of time, you have to take more and more for it to "work", right? Why should it be any different with oxytocin? What if the receptors in my body are numb because I burnt them out and now this baby will never come out? (I told you it was stupid) What if I'm just a freak that has to conciously make the decision to have this baby? No relaxing for me! I just have this feeling that if I had stayed up instead of going to bed last night, then I'd be a lot closer to having this baby. But silly me, I thought that I'd get as much rest as possible while my body would still let me. What if, by relaxing, this baby will never come out, and I'll end up one of those people with a 13lb dead baby at 46 weeks that has to be cut out of me?

Am I supposed to be helping this along? I thought I'd just chill and let it happen when it happens, but now the doubts about my body's ability to work are sinking in. What if it just won't happen if I don't "make" it? And now I'm freaked out that the baby was *supposed* to come last night, but by my laziness, he's still stuck in there.

*sigh*

Really though, there was actually a question that I wanted to be answered in there that got lost in the mix. Am I supposed to be helping this along? What did everyone else do? Just settle down and wait for it to happen? Or walk, or any sort of "help" at all? This question seems so silly to me... but now that I'm here, I just feel like if I don't do *something* to nudge it along, it just won't happen. Do you have to *do* anything to stay in labor? (dear goddess, that sounds so naive... I already know the answer to this, but my STUPID brain won't stop thinking about all the dumb things previously mentioned!)

PS- Nobody lecture me about how early it is. Lol! I'm aware. I'm not anxious to get the baby out at all, I'm just trying to follow my body's cues, not what the medical model says.

[HisBeautifulWife]

Well the most recent UCer's that I know have all had long labors that seemed to stop and start over a period of days, or even weeks in some cases. Though the intensity of the labors may not have been ideal, everything has been fine.

But if you are really not comfortable and having doubts, you can always go be induced to ease your fears. I don't know if I am being sarcastic, or if I am presenting that as a genuine option...honestly, I don't. I guess I am just trying to say, relax before your thoughts start to have a negative impact on the outcome.

I think my brain is overwhelmed today so I'll quit while I am ahead.

[GinnyMama]

If I wanted to hear about induction, I wouldn't have posted in the UC forum. :

And either way, even if I was insane enough to go get induced, it doesn't fix any of the "issues" in my head.

Uh... maybe I shouldn't have posted? I HATE it when someone posts something and then deletes it, so I won't do that, but apparently this was a bad post to make.

[HisBeautifulWife]

No, it was a good post because you have valid feelings. I was just saying you aren't going to end up with a 13lb .....as you put it, I really don't want to type that out.

So just ignore the second paragraph of what I wrote. Some people feel comforted that they have medical options should a UC not work out. I don't believe babies need to be induced but maybe I thought that someone would thought that it was a possibility that their baby wouldn't come out might find comfort in saying "oh yes, I can get help if needed". Or maybe I was being cranky and that was a real jerky response...like I said earlier, I don't know.

So ignoring that part, like I said, quite a few people have had labor seemingly start and stop over a period of days or weeks and their baby was fine.

[babykaoss]

I felt the same way starting at about 37 weeks. My first was born at 37 weeks too. This baby waited till 41.5 to show up! I think this is the part of the UC where you start conscientously 'walking the walk' so to speak. The anxiety you are talking about was definitely there for me, not an inner prompting to seek help, but a real, daily, or sometimes even moment by moment JOB of being mindful and working through the emotional state the end of pregnancy leaves you in. For me that brings a lot of those anxiety ridden thoughts as well. The best thing that worked for me in those last looooong weeks was to confront the thoughts head on. Hear them, address them, let myself self-talk about the what-if's, and then decide what my response to those what-if's would be. Even the scary scenarios! Part of the continuing work of choosing this path. Then, after doing that, if the thoughts came back, I could firmly send them away, telling myself we've been through that, and we have our game plan for the what ifs. Thank you very much, but now I'm going to go: distract myself. Get some fresh air, crochet a baby hat, eat some ice cream, sit in the sun with my eyes closed, listen to some music, read a book, anything!

HTH!

[violet]

After reading your post I had to smile at the title you gave it - you thought you dealt with the fears before but really, this is new territory for your body and you've never experienced this part in the road to labor before. KWIM? your last labor was cut short by the trip to the hospital. So now your body IS progressing as it wanted to last time and wants to this time, with some starts and stops, and you are mentally wondering if it is normal or not. It's apparently normal for you and many other women. Just different than your old OB's expectations. Does it need to be different from your expectations? That is up to you and your comfort zone. Yes, your dd arrived at 37 weeks fully developed, but maybe she would have been born at closer to 9 lbs (mine are) with some more hair at 38 or 40 weeks. After your body primed itself with some on again off again labor. I'll wager that the ctx will be back -- I don't think the birthing hormones are that easy to ditch But your mental state and where you choose to birth are gonna be up to you regardless.

[Astraia]

I don't have any personal experience with this sort of thing, but I keep reading birth stories from people who have on again off again contractions that are painful but not doing much, etc, and decide to take matters into their own hands. They do the castor oil, cohashes, nipple stim and finally get into a decent labour pattern.... that continues to peter out or stall, or that takes a long long time or they're just too exhausted by the end for it to be a good thing.

There are lots, of course, who do self induction and have great results.

Personally, if you're not past-due or have other medical reasons to get the baby out, I'd try to find a way to rest and get the contractions to slow or stop. Not because your baby isn't "ready"- there's a good chance everything will be fine- but because maybe your body isn't ready. Your previous labour experience could be telling you that it needs a lot of "priming" before active labour begins, but that it really shouldn't be beginning during these early stages.

Have some wine, a warm bath, something to help you sleep and hopefully relax contractions.

I wish you the best of luck