Help! Balancing a 3.5 yo and a newborn!!!!!

[Tashakittie]

I have to start off by saying how wonderful it is that this forum exists. I feel a real sense of community, as I do not know many people who parent in such ways.

Anyway, DS2 was born 3 weeks ago, and as in any PP situation, we are undergoing a great deal of change. DS1 is amazing. He has not a drop of jealousy towards his younger brother. He is, however, an extremely high spirited, energetic, inquisitive 3.5 yo. He is very much an "alpha male" sort of person. He is very intelligent and independent. The problem lies in my ability to balance the two, in addition to dealing with my pp mood swings. Sometimes I just feel awful! I feel that I often expect too much of him b/c he has proven over and over again how smart and capable he is; but really he is only 3.5, not a miniature adult! I find it so hard to keep him happy, while maintaining house, taking care of DS2- in a day! DS gets frustrated, then I get frustrated, and it just sucks! I don't want to be freaking out all the time. I don't want my son unhappy and frustrated and bored either.
We are really limited at the moment, not only because I am a SAHM with an itty bitty, nursing on demand baby, but as a family we have 1 car, DH works days (and soon nights in addition)- so we are not leaving the house much these days.
Anyone have any wisdom or ideas about how to be a more gentle-minded mama?

[everything to one]

Afraid i dont have any tips, but want to say that what you described sounds very familiar- I can see myself there in another 4 months! I'm only pregnant with my second and my DD is 20 months. But i can already relate to everything you described! Hang in there!

[puddleduck]

I have a 5 year old, 3 year old and a 6 week old baby and my advice is to take it easy, relax your standards round the house and involve your ds1 in everything you do. its ok to change the pace and not do much for a few months. We do playdough, reading, walks to the local park, invite friends round to play. any toddler groups in walking distance? Board games? I tend to pop the baby in a sling and just get on with things. And if it gets too much and i need a break dvd's or story tapes.
Good luck, it gets easier every week.

[francesruben]

A year ago I was in a similar position, except that the age gap between my kids is only two years. I found that the second baby was a really big adjustment, in a totally different way to the first. Staying calm is something I'm still working on because it is stressful trying to take care of the needs of a baby and a child.

The sling was the best thing for me- I let the baby spend most of the day there for the first few months- it allowed me to focus on DD during that transition time. I don't think I left the house for the first 6 weeks either, and after that we did really small outings in the stroller to the park or library. I've found that after a while at home DD seems to care less about going out and starts to play more creatively.

I used the tv/ dvds when I needed time to nurse the baby or put him to sleep- I found that if the tv didn't go on at other times of the day DD was happy to watch it and i didn't feel too guilty about her watching too much either.

It takes a while but it does get easier! Good luck

[foreverinbluejeans]

It's really important to get out of the house and do things. If you are stuck at home without a car you could end up getting PPD. I would! Could your husband ride the bus or get a ride to work some days and you pick him up? Could you drive him and pick him up?

[Erinz]

I can offer you nothing but sympathy as I came here searching for the same answer. I have a 3.25yo and a 4 month old and it is super hard. I'm at the verge of tears most of the time because I'm exhausted and spent and have to find more of myself to give away when I feel my bucket is empty.

Hugs from another mama in your shoes.

ps we live in the country and my new son hates the car seat... so we're homebound much of the time too. Not to mention the car means guaranteed scream and kick fest from my older son. Life isn't super fun lately.