Leaving my baby makes me want to puke

[NaturalMindedMomma]

I am not sure this is healthy... With my first DD I bottlefed formula and was so miserable I was HAPPY to drop her off with my mom for a night or two (sever PPD). Not that I think it SHOULD be like THAT, but I KNOW I am going to have to at least get a part time job in the near future and the thought of leaving my baby makes me sick, it makes me sweat, it gives me hives, and some major anxiety.

She doesn't take a bottle and is pretty adament about that. I fear she will think I have left her. She will not settle down for most anyone else, and night time, forget it. MOM IS IT!

I know she is young still but I did not really "AP" my older DD and I am nervous as to how this will all work out in the end.

I mean I have to work eventually. I need a source of income to some extent. I would eventually like a life again, but the thought of leaving her sickens me. It's like I can't pee and can't get off the pot...

Anyone have empathy, suggestions, understand this????

[sunshynbaby]

I'm sorry I don't have any suggestions, but I can relate. I'm going back to work full time on Friday, and I am dreading it. The only thing that makes it better is that DH is staying home with the baby and decided it would be a good idea to bring DS to my job so I can breastfeed in the car on my lunch breaks.

[Flower of Bliss]

I don't have any great advice, but I wanted to assure you that you're not alone. The idea of being separated from my 6 week old for any reason would make me sick. I don't know how moms manage to go back to work this soon. American maternity leave is HORRIBLE. And the idea of her drinking from a bottle? I wouldn't handle that well either. Barring some unforeseen circumstances, we won't be doing a separation for a long time, and I doubt we'll ever use a bottle, but my life circumstances in the moment are very different from yours.

All of that said, you have to do what is best for your family. I imagine in your case it will make sense. You can reassure yourself that getting a job is meeting the needs of your family.

You could look into a job where you could take your girls, or just your baby with you - maybe childcare? You could try different bottle nipples. Have you tried to give her bottles yourself or had someone else do it? Many babies won't take a bottle from mom, or even with mom in the room. You could also try having her caretaker feed her with a cup, spoon, or with a SNS taped to their finger instead of a bottle.

You can do it.

[wombatclay]

Big hugs. I went back to work at 8 weeks with DD1 and at 12 weeks with dd2. I know the feeling and the stress.

Have you visited the Working/Student forum here? The moms there are going to really understand your feelings, and may have some ideas.

For the feeding- try different nipples and try having someone else give the milk. Also, like Flower said, you can try feeding with a cup or spoon. And it's pretty common for a babe to reverse cycle... meaning they'll sleep more while you're out and nurse more when you're there, even if that means sleeping by day and nursing at night.

Emotionally- I found the first week or two really hard. Then I found my balance. If possible, start your new job on a Thursday or Friday so the weekend is close. See if you can have your babe visit in a lunch break. Find childcare that you're really comfortable with. Play lots of peek-a-boo games with your babe to reinforce the "always coming back" element. Set up a ritual for leaving and returning and stick with it. And maybe start with short trips away to introduce the idea?

Do you have the Baby Book by Dr Sears? It's great, and has a wonderful section on going back to work. One thing I took to heart was his advice to plan for work but then to focus on your babe instead of constantly dreading the fact that you'll be leaving them for a time. Sort of a "live in the moment" technique.

Hang in there...

ETA- and see if your library has anything by Ariel Gore, Bee Lavendar, or Ayun Halliday. Books like HipMama, Breeder, Mother Trip, and East Village Inky are all great in terms of balancing work and children in an AP style.

[Jilian]

Hugs to you, I can totally understand. I feel the same way. I wish I had some advice to offer. Is there any way you can find a job where you can take her? I know it is really rare. Maybe a nanny or childcare job?

[mamaheids]

What about child care at an athletic club? Most likely you'll be able to bring the babe along as well as your older DD and maybe get a discounted membership in addition to getting paid. My good friend does this a few days a week and brings her 3 year old and 1 year old along. Just an idea...
Oh and also, have you tried the adiri bottle? Molly did end up taking that one, picky as she is, but not from me!

[NaturalMindedMomma]

Thanks everyone... My situation has changed a bit actually since Jose left me.

I am with someone and he is supportive, we live together. I just can't ask him to pay my bills as well and because of recent legal situations involving my kids we will not get welfare anymore... All good, but not good for the financial situation. I used to work at a gym in a childcare and was not allowed to bring my daughter, but maybe at a different gym, maybe because I have experience?

I should see about taking another child in... hmmmmmm

I have a friend who might let me watch her daughter... THANKS LADIES!

[Jilian]

Post on craigslist in your area. I see ads for childcare all the time on craigslist. Good luck!