or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › Stay at Home Parents › Help me understand why
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Help me understand why - Page 2

post #21 of 83
Quote:
Originally Posted by suebee79 View Post
I'm sure this was just an oversight on your part, but PLEASE think twice before you compare using childcare to spanking.
how was she comparing using childcare to spanking? she was just mentioning other parenting choices that she doesn't understand.
post #22 of 83
It didn't sound judgemental to me either....just puzzled.

Quote:
Originally Posted by KristaDJ View Post
You know what, mama? You didn't sound judgmental to me at all.
post #23 of 83
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by suebee79 View Post
I'm sure this was just an oversight on your part, but PLEASE think twice before you compare using childcare to spanking.
I'm not comparing, I'm saying it's just another parental choice that we make. Not saying they're comparable, just in that they're both choices.
post #24 of 83
Quote:
Originally Posted by ShwarmaQueen View Post
My honest thought is, "why have kids if you're going to send them away?"

For me - this was the quote that took me back. Homeschooling is a choice, if it works for your family that's great... however it doesn't mean the rest of us are "sending (our kids) away" or doing them some disservice by obliging their desires and needs for socialization and learning.

Maybe you don't "get it," but you don't have to. You also don't have to assume that someone's kid says the F-word because they're in school, or any other batty correlation you could make about it.

You could be a good friend, acknowlege your differences & be fine with it.

My daughter loves her preschool. She started at 2 1/2 for 2 hours 2 days / week because that is what worked for our family. She LOVES school. She is SO sad if she's unable to go (for the first year she was sad any day it wasn't a school day!)

Maybe a better place for you to post your judgements about Stay At Home Moms who don't choose to homeschool their children would have been in the Homeschooling forum.
post #25 of 83
I am puzzled by this response here because the OP's original post was wondering about a SAHM sending very young kids (18 months, or 2 yrs) to full time daycare. Not a very part time, part week, enjoyable educational program. I never read any judgements against SAHMS who don't want to homeschool.

I would also be very puzzled by a SAHM using full time daycare for a child this young, unless she was trying to work from home. Not preschool, or mother's day out, or some other way to get a break or get something done once in a while. Full time daycare. I thought that is what the OP was asking about.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Carley View Post
My daughter loves her preschool. She started at 2 1/2 for 2 hours 2 days / week because that is what worked for our family. She LOVES school. She is SO sad if she's unable to go (for the first year she was sad any day it wasn't a school day!)

Maybe a better place for you to post your judgements about Stay At Home Moms who don't choose to homeschool their children would have been in the Homeschooling forum.
post #26 of 83
Quote:
Originally Posted by llp34 View Post
I am puzzled by this response here because the OP's original post was wondering about a SAHM sending very young kids (18 months, or 2 yrs) to full time daycare. Not a very part time, part week, enjoyable educational program. I never read any judgements against SAHMS who don't want to homeschool.

I would also be very puzzled by a SAHM using full time daycare for a child this young, unless she was trying to work from home. Not preschool, or mother's day out, or some other way to get a break or get something done once in a while. Full time daycare. I thought that is what the OP was asking about.
Exactly what I've been thinking. To me, there's a big difference between sending an 18 month old child to full time daycare vs sending a 2.5 or 3 year old child to preschool. I can understand needing/wanting a break but I just don't understand why someone would choose to be a SAHM yet send their very young child somewhere else for 8 hours every day. I'm a SAHM so that I'm the one who has the most influence on my children's lives in their early years so, for me, it would make no sense for me to send an 18 month old to full time daycare. Obviously, not everyone is a SAHM for the same reasons though, it's interesting to see other people's point of views.

DH is a teacher and has students constantly ask him why our kids don't go to daycare. They wonder how our kids will learn anything if they don't go to daycare, as if they can't learn anything at home. They probably think we're doing our kids a disservice by not sending them to daycare.

I didn't see that the OP was passing judgement, just asking for help to figure out what she wasn't understanding. I don't recall her putting down anyone or their decisions. Just because someone doesn't understand or even agree with someone else's decisions doesn't mean that they're judging that other person harshly. It seems like she's trying to understand the other point of view.

So now I'll get my fireproof suit on and await the flames.
post #27 of 83
Quote:
Originally Posted by gillibean View Post
To me, there's a big difference between sending an 18 month old child to full time daycare vs sending a 2.5 or 3 year old child to preschool.

I have NO idea where her friend is comming from, but I don't see a difference. What I see is a parent's choice - that's not "no apparent reason," KWIM? Maybe she feels the same way I do about my daughter's preschool - she gets a break & her kids get the benefit of socialisation. Children at school (or any type of "daycare") get constant attention all of the time - many people feel that's important to development & don't feel they can provide that at home. There's no "right" or "wrong" in parenting.

I'm giving my perspective as someone who's experienced the "why have kids if you're going to send them away?" argument from judgemental (*home/unschoolers). I've never been able to form a solid relationship because of this... besides Facebook, these former "friends" and I don't have any close contact. Who wants a friendship in which they are going to be judged so harshly?

Maybe the OP doesn't let her thoughts that would be hurtful for a mother to hear (I think most mothers would be put off by any question beginning with "Why have kids if you...") interfere with her relationship. That's excellent. My message was that she doesn't have to understand, and if she wants to keep a friendship peaceful she could work on self-talk to let her judgement/"opinions" go. If she doesn't let her thoughts interfere then she already does that. Awesome.

*DISCLAIMER: Yes, I realize that most homeschoolers are not judgemental of those who choose not to homeschool
post #28 of 83
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by gillibean View Post
To me, there's a big difference between sending an 18 month old child to full time daycare vs sending a 2.5 or 3 year old child to preschool. I can understand needing/wanting a break but I just don't understand why someone would choose to be a SAHM yet send their very young child somewhere else for 8 hours every day. I'm a SAHM so that I'm the one who has the most influence on my children's lives in their early years so, for me, it would make no sense for me to send an 18 month old to full time daycare. Obviously, not everyone is a SAHM for the same reasons though, it's interesting to see other people's point of views.
Thanks- this is exactly what I mean.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Carley View Post
Maybe she feels the same way I do about my daughter's preschool - she gets a break & her kids get the benefit of socialisation. Children at school (or any type of "daycare") get constant attention all of the time - many people feel that's important to development & don't feel they can provide that at home. There's no "right" or "wrong" in parenting.
Yes, you might be right about how she feels, but a "break", IMO, is a few hours a couple/few times a week, I specifically said full time, all week long. 6 or 9 hours is nothing compared to 40+, kwim?
post #29 of 83
KristaDJ never leaves her kids "ever." She clearly has a different opinion on what "break" is... for her. She also posted "Different strokes for different folks."

That is all I'm saying. You don't have to understand or feel the same way your friend does. Thinking "what's the point of her having kids" isn't the same as "different strokes for different folks."

I also have to say I'm totally shocked I saw "I wonder what she does all day" written in the SAH forum by a SAHM. As most of us Stay At Home Parents (aka Home Managers) know, there is ALWAYS work to do in order to keep a household running. My job isn't just "Mom." When my kids are all in school full time I'll probably be busier than I am now, being that I'll have no "excuse" to play Connect Four for an hour at 10am.
post #30 of 83
I have never gotten the point, either, OP. Just don't get it.
post #31 of 83
Quote:
Originally Posted by Carley View Post
I also have to say I'm totally shocked I saw "I wonder what she does all day" written in the SAH forum by a SAHM. As most of us Stay At Home Parents (aka Home Managers) know, there is ALWAYS work to do in order to keep a household running. My job isn't just "Mom." When my kids are all in school full time I'll probably be busier than I am now, being that I'll have no "excuse" to play Connect Four for an hour at 10am.
I don't really see what is shocking about that statement. Sometimes I get everything done and have nothing really to do besides hang out with my kids and most of what I do during the day takes me four times longer than it would if my kids weren't around. If I was home all day by myself I would have everything done everyday and have nothing to do.
post #32 of 83
Quote:
Originally Posted by Carley View Post
*DISCLAIMER: Yes, I realize that most homeschoolers are not judgemental of those who choose not to homeschool
Several of your posts sound judgemental of homeschoolers. Apparently, we don't care about our kids' desires, needs, socialization, or learning.



At any rate, I personally do not consider living life with a 2yo to be "homeschooling." I do not believe that children that young need to be "schooled."
post #33 of 83
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamasaurus View Post
I went through a period of time as a SAHM with a baby and toddler where we had a nanny.

Yes, a NANNY. For a SAHM.

DH totally supported this, and it really helped us both maintain our sanity.

She worked about 35 hours a week. The hours varied. Sometimes during the day, sometimes in the evening, so DH and I could have a date night. She was naturally an early riser. So she would come over around 7am on some days, and she would take over the baby (who had kept me up all night nursing), and the toddler, and then I took a long morning nap.

To each her own, I say...
Oh my. This right here is my idea of what heaven must be like! I am so insanely jealous of this

But yes, I agree with some of the PPs. I am a WAHM and while I love it, when I go back to work after my new baby is born next year, I'm definitely hiring someone to come in and watch them a few days a week while I work and have some me time.

I know quite a few SAHMs who are just overwhelmed by all that entails. Not just the children, but keeping house, getting groceries, paying bills, etc. Being a SAHM is a BIG job and maybe your friend feels like she can't give her children as much attention and interaction as they're getting at daycare. There have been days where I veg in front of the tv while DD plays on her own, and on those days I think to myself "my kid would be SO much better off in daycare today!"
post #34 of 83
Quote:
Originally Posted by KristaDJ View Post
Sometimes I get everything done and have nothing really to do besides hang out with my kids
Please come to the decluttering/ organizing forum and tell us your methods for accomplishing this! Seriously. I'm always looking for good advice and I know a lot of others there are, too.
post #35 of 83
I'm late in replying, so this might be off-topic to where the thread has gone, but since the OP asked.... I am a SAHM to two kids. My older one goes to daycare two days a week. She's almost three so it isn't even preschool. I can understand why it would seem odd, and DH and I rethink it every few months or so. But for now she's there and this is why:

a) she loves it. She's very social and loves her teachers, all the activities, and playing with kids her age.
b) It allows me to help out with DH's home business, do the laundry, and ... yes .... get a moment or two to myself. (But just a moment or two, not a whole day!)
c) Maybe this is most important - it allows me to spend one on one time with DS, who is 13 months and a much shyer personality than DD. When DD is here she dominates. I try to balance my attention, but she is so verbal, so big, so extroverted, so playful compared to him that balancing is hard. When she's out of the house I can focus completely on him and he thrives on that.
d) It is a great daycare, they have a long waiting list, and keeping her there holds her spot until I return to work full time.

Some may judge, but it works for us, and no, I don't feel lazy. I'm still pretty busy while she's away!
post #36 of 83
I have no idea. I sahm so that I could be with my kids sending them away defeats that purpose. We filed bankruptcy when dd was about 2 so that I could continue to sahm so for me specifically being home with my kids was everything.

I dont buy into socialization honestly since when I was a child everyone stayed home until they had to go to school legally and the only ones we had to play with where kids in the family if there where any and we all managed somehow.

Neither of my kids played with same age kids until they started school dd got to play with kids on rare occasions who where many years older than her and until ds was born she had no one younger my ds same thing he has only had dd to play with and didnt even know a child his own age or even close until the first day of school and yet they had zero difficulties fitting in and acting appropriately. I realize not all kids are like mine but I think the majority probably are but since they where "socialized" early it dosnt get to be seen.

This is just my opinion on things
post #37 of 83
Well, I can answer for myself. I send my kids to a two-day-a-week preschool at age 3 because I need a freaking break. My partner lives hundreds of miles from us more than half the time for work so, aside from preschool, I literally NEVER get a moment away from my kids and am the sole caregiver for them 24/7. I do keep them at home full-time until age 3, but after that, I have just got to have some time to breathe. As it is now, my 4-year-old is in two-day-a-week preschool, so I have just my 2-year-old on those days. You wouldn't believe how much it helps me recuperate to just have one child to take care of for a few hours instead of three. She may have similar feelings.
post #38 of 83
I totally get the part time daycare, preschool arrangement. Heck, I fantasize about it. I think the OP was asking about full time though ? I was thinking that was 5 days a week, and most of the day.
post #39 of 83
Oh, I answered why I use part time daycare. That's a different thing. I don't get the full time daycare/preschool either. Maybe there's a good reason. I just don't know what it is. Even if I had the money (it makes me laugh to think this, we're so far away from having that much money), I doubt I'd do it. I like my kids with me most of the time.
post #40 of 83
Quote:
Originally Posted by lolar2 View Post
Please come to the decluttering/ organizing forum and tell us your methods for accomplishing this! Seriously. I'm always looking for good advice and I know a lot of others there are, too.
My husband helps me fold laundry on his days off and after dinner he often does the dishes and helps me clean up the kitchen. I was a single mom with several kids for a while though and still got everything done and had a day or two each week that I had nothing to do. Maybe I just have more lax standards
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Stay at Home Parents
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › Stay at Home Parents › Help me understand why