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Do you and the kids ever stay at your ILs without DH? - Page 2

post #21 of 46
I'm still pregnant, but I still stay with my IL's even without dp. But, they don't live in the same state as my mom. So, when I'm staying with them it's because I'm in town on business or have something I need to do there. However, I love my IL's - staying with them is wonderful. Sometimes even better than with my mom, as my mom can't cook and my dp's mom cooks SO well. I always feel so spoiled when I visit - with or without dp.
post #22 of 46
Even though my in-laws can drive me batty sometimes (it's more just little annoyances than anything else) I regularly visit them without DH. It's the least I can do since they don't get to see our children very often in comparison to their other grandchildren. And since we did live with them for a year and a half before we bought our farm, I wouldn't think twice about staying overnight if the situation warrented that.
post #23 of 46
Yes, on several occasions. We live in the Seattle area, near my family, while DH's mother/stepfather and father/stepmother and grandparents all live in Salt Lake City. Typically we go to SLC for Thanksgiving. The last two years, DH was at a conference in California the week before Thanksgiving that ran through Saturday, so he arrives in SLC on Sunday. However, DD and I would fly up on Friday or Saturday because it was way cheaper to fly those days, so we spent 1-2 days on our own with the in-laws. The last time we did that I was sick as a dog with a cold and a sinus infection so my poor FIL spent the rest of the day watching DD while MIL hung around in the urgent care waiting room & then the pharmacy with me.

DD and I also flew up once on our own for 3 days with MIL. That was in preparation for DD's baptism, which was held at her church. I think DH was at a conference that time, too.

FWIW, DH also spends time with my family without me. He actually gets along with my family much better than his own.
post #24 of 46
[QUOTE=limabean;14460634]Since your parents live in the same town, it seems perfectly natural to me that you'd stay with your own parents and just have a dinner/zoo outing/etc. with your ILs. Would they really think that was strange?

Yes, this. My parents/in-laws are within 45 minutes of each other, so I always would stay with my parents if alone. However, if my parents were out of town or something (or not so close) I would feel very comfortable staying with my in-laws. I have done plenty of day-trips to their house without Dh.

My DD is older now (2.5), and BOTH families are much easier to be around now that she is older.
post #25 of 46
The kiddo and I will stay with my parents without my partner, but there's no way I'd stay with his parents. Then again, we also have a very bad relationship.
post #26 of 46
IME, staying with the in-laws without DH is a good way to make a slightly tense situation into a really tense situation, but that is just me.
post #27 of 46
I've stayed at my inlaws without DH but they don't live near my parents. If they lived in the same town I would just stay with my own parents.
post #28 of 46
We live several states away from both our families- our parents live about 20 minutes away from each other. DS and I have flown home several times while DH has had to stay behind for work. I have always stayed with my parents, and gone to visit the ILs. I have a good relationship with them and don't mind spending a day over there, but my parents still live in the house I grew up in and that feels like my home away from home. I'm not visiting when I stay there. Likewise, when DH has gone home with DS and I had to stay behind, he stayed with his family. I don't think anyone has ever questioned us.
post #29 of 46
We wouldn't stay with my ILs even *with* my dh (and he would never want to stay there). We have to severely limit visits with them (actually, we should have cut them out of our lives long ago but we don't want to have to do that).
post #30 of 46
I would never stay with my inlaws-even with my husband, so I don't think it's weird at all. I wouldn't even visit them without my husband, honestly.
post #31 of 46
I've stayed at my in-laws (his dad's house and his mom's) without my husband, but they are both very wonderful (as are their spouses) and they have a rockin' happy hour

Even if they weren't so cool, I would do it if necessary..
post #32 of 46
my kids have stayed with inlaws and went on vacations with them without my husband so i would totally allow them too becuase my mom lives in a different part of the state and has my sisters kids that she cares for very often so it would be alot for her to take my kids as well.
post #33 of 46
I have stayed with DH's family, just me and DS in the past. But usually we stay with my family simply because my family has the room for us. We all get along reasonably well so it's not a big deal.

But if you're not comfortable with it don't do it. That's my opinion.
post #34 of 46
I think that would be normal. I have never stayed there w/o dh and I never will unless its life or death. I hate going there period. He doesn't like it much either. So for me its not happening. But I think in your situation, yes a visit and dinner with them is fine but its not weird to me that you would stay with your own family.
post #35 of 46
I have, but I never will again. My MIL has decided that my baby is partly hers and that she gets to decide what decision we make about him. I'm so furious with her right now that I don't know what I'm going to do. The fact that my BF AGREES with her makes it 100x worse.

He actually said to me once, when his mom agreed with him about something, and I disagreed with both of them, that since it was 2 against 1 we had to do it his way.


Ok, I'm sorry to use your thread to rant about my own problems. Rant over.
post #36 of 46
Originally Posted by thyra View Post

He actually said to me once, when his mom agreed with him about something, and I disagreed with both of them, that since it was 2 against 1 we had to do it his way.

is your botfriend five?

that would not fly over here, at all..
post #37 of 46
Originally Posted by snoopy5386 View Post
I would also make sure the daytime hours are close to evenly spent. If the ILs know you are staying at your parents for a week and you only have dinner with them once, I could see feelings being hurt. I know mine would be.
Kind of. In your situation, I wouldn't split the time evenly, but I'd make an effort to go see them for a couple of hours most of the days that we were there. I think seeing them for just a dinner during the trip would be akin to a snub, and I would imagine their feelings would be hurt.
post #38 of 46
if they are in the same town it seems natrual you would stay with your parents if your husband wasn't with you.

i mean if I left town and came back I would totally stay with my inlaws (and I am not even married to their son any more) but if my mom lived here too she would be my first choice because its my mom....
post #39 of 46
Yes I have stayed with my ILs without my dh, but I love them, they are great to my kids, let me have lots of breaks, MIL makes really good food and have a really nice house. They live in the same town as my mom and dad (who are divorced) but my mom is a weirdo and my dad's house is tiny and cluttered with stuff, he's an alcoholic and watches too much tv. I do stay at my mom's house, it depends on if she's working or if MIL is working.
post #40 of 46
Originally Posted by mbhf View Post
If your parent slive in the same town and you get along with them, I can't see why anyone would expect you to stay with your ILs. I actually get along much better with my ILs, so I frequently stay with them without my dh (he can't get much time off work to travel with us) and just visit my parents for a few hours one day.
This is totally me!! My parents and in-laws live in the same town. My hubby was in the army and got shipped over to Korea. I stayed with the ILs for a couple months with son #1 before we joined hubby in Korea.

If anything, I need hubby as a buffer with my own parents.

But, I don't find it weird that you don't stay with them. If anything, I always get questions about why I'm not staying with my own parents. The other thing I sometimes do is arrange for my MIL or my own mother to spend time with my older son by themselves. I don't really think of it as babysitting, since I'm not looking for someone to watch my kid, but I find that they enjoy the alone time much better than if I'm there with them.
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