or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Talk Amongst Ourselves › Personal Growth › I need help having a talk w/neighbor---NEW UPDATE POST 45
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

I need help having a talk w/neighbor---NEW UPDATE POST 45 - Page 3

post #41 of 66
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2cutiekitties View Post
I hope you keep us updated. I am curious how it turns out. IMO, you are hosed. If they are in their 's 50's, they have no clue what you are going through with a little one. And from your post, they do sound inconsiderate.

I am going through something similar. In our cul-de-sac there are about 13 kids and they play on our property, especially in our backyard, under our bedroom window. They wake up my 2 yeard old from his nap, it takes me forever to put him back down. We have spoken to all the parents and they simply do not care. The kids run wild and my only recourse is police involvement. But honestly, I dont want my house burned down. So we are moving. Did I mention these are elementary kids?

Bad neighbors suck and they dont change, IMO!

We were thinking apt after this, but after all these stories, I am thinking townhouse with a garage only!
That's terrible! I'm sure you've probably considered this but can you not block them out with a fence rather than moving? I can't believe their parents would be so uncaring!!
post #42 of 66
Thread Starter 

Semi Update

Ok here's what's happened. Last week, I was talking with my next door neighbor (she's a sweety) in the hall and she asked me what was going on with the noise upstairs. I quickly checked from my terrace to make sure the upstairs neighbors car wasn't there so I could speak freely .

I told her it was pretty bad, that one day I even had to go to work very late because I kept getting woken up all night . I told her I didn't know how much more I could take. So we chatted a bit more and then moved on to other topics. I went inside my apt. and heard footsteps above . Someone was home after all! Now the way our small building is set up, there is just about NO way I was not heard . Oh well. I'm not usually ever passive aggressive.

But, since that day,the noise level has gone down, yay! It's still not great but most definitely tolerable. Of course, now that I'm actually posting this, I'm probably jinxing myself . So there is still some shoe wearing but not too late, very little dropping things, and it seems like they are actually sleeping at night! Whew... For now...
post #43 of 66
Quote:
Originally Posted by Latte Mama View Post
I went inside my apt. and heard footsteps above . Someone was home after all!
Eeek, I hate when that happens! It's so shocking. It sounds like they may have gotten the point, though...I hope the trend continues!
post #44 of 66
Yikes how embarrassing, but great for the results, heres hoping you didn't jinx yourself
post #45 of 66
Thread Starter 

UPDATE,grrrrrr.

So for the past few weeks all has NOT been well on the noise issue . My DH spoke with them briefly and nothing changed. Then just this morning, after being woken up at 6:30 a.m. by shoe clicking and thumping, I had had it. I spoke with them in the hallway as they were leaving.

I started off with a decent enough approach, said that when I lived upstairs I never put my shoes on until I was seconds from walking out the door. I told them that the floor/ceiling construction here was very thin and could they work with us on this issue. Wife replied "We're not consciously doing this you know" Um I hope not!

I told them about being awakened multiple times nightly, the babe being woken, etc. Then THEY said that our TV was too loud. I told them that we purposely lower it when we put DS to sleep however it could be too close to the wall and I would move it. FTR, I hear their TV also but it doesn't bother me. Then the husband SCOLDED me for leaving a tied bag of garbage right outside my door. If our garbage gets full, I can't bring it downstairs because I have DS at night until DH gets home. I leave it in the hall right next to my door until DH gets home. Whatever, I can put it on the terrace since my small bag of garbage keeps him up at night .

So as typical with most humans, they deflected onto what WE were doing. I told them that if at any time there is something that is interrupting their ability to sleep, please let me know . I really was pleasant I promise!

So it ended fairly well and we'll see. This will be the last nice convo I have though. The wife actually comes across kind of funny and I can see this not being resolved.
post #46 of 66
I think the best thing to do is figure out a better living situation for yourselves. It seems like there is somethings they could do to help like taking off/putting on shoes when leaving but I do understand when you're getting ready and your brain isn't really in that mind frame of oh I have to be quiet.

I think you want them to make less noise but ultimately the problem is their movements are creating noise. I bet 75% of the noise is average noise that comes through much louder downstairs. They probably don't understand when you say it's nosy all the time and at the same time it's awkward to say can you try to stop dropping the remote at night. Those thumps and clicks that wake your baby up aren't them throwing bowls on the floor. They could simply drop a remote or kick a shoe out of the way as they stumble out of bed to the bathroom.

You have a right to live in peace but in these types of buildings you really can't control it.
post #47 of 66
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rosedotcom View Post
I think the best thing to do is figure out a better living situation for yourselves. It seems like there is somethings they could do to help like taking off/putting on shoes when leaving but I do understand when you're getting ready and your brain isn't really in that mind frame of oh I have to be quiet.

I think you want them to make less noise but ultimately the problem is their movements are creating noise. I bet 75% of the noise is average noise that comes through much louder downstairs. They probably don't understand when you say it's nosy all the time and at the same time it's awkward to say can you try to stop dropping the remote at night. Those thumps and clicks that wake your baby up aren't them throwing bowls on the floor. They could simply drop a remote or kick a shoe out of the way as they stumble out of bed to the bathroom.

You have a right to live in peace but in these types of buildings you really can't control it.
It's not noisy all the time. It's the loud noise early in the morning and at night that is very bothersome. And I can promise that it's not average noise because after 35 years of apt. living, I can pretty much discern the difference. I know they are not deliberately making huge amounts of noise. But it IS more than just stumbling into a shoe. See, they are up and awake when this stuff is being dropped. You can hear them walking (which isn't bothersome) back and forth and the muted sound of the TV up until 2 or 3 in the morning. Every so often, a huge clatter,crash, etc. will come down on the ceiling.

About the waiting to put shoes on, I don't think it's such a big deal. Seriously, I should have to move and they can keep being inconsiderate? Asking them to make a minor change which will make a huge difference in the quality of my family's sleep is too much? What happens when they do this to the next mama that moves in? Someone has to speak up.

FTR, since I posted the update, they've actually been a LOT quieter. We'll see if it lasts but it would be nice if they really did hear me.
post #48 of 66
But really, if it were you that lived upstairs, and them downstairs, would it be reasonable for them to say to you that your children are making too much noise while they are doing everyday children's stuff. Or if you have a baby that has colic and screams constantly? There are some things that we sacrifice living in close quarters. I don't think that you can make them not wear shoes in the house. Or not be clumsy at night. If these things were such a huge deal to me, yes, I would be the one moving. In fact, we did. We lived in an apt, a duplex, one up, one down, and we lived up. For the first two years, we had an elderly downstairs neighbor. He was virtually silent. Then, he passed, and we got a lady who LOVED her Sunday morning gospel. And a dog that barked at passing cars while she was at work. It was obnoxious to us, but we really couldn't do anything to change it, so WE moved.
post #49 of 66
Quote:
Originally Posted by mommy2maya View Post
But really, if it were you that lived upstairs, and them downstairs, would it be reasonable for them to say to you that your children are making too much noise while they are doing everyday children's stuff. Or if you have a baby that has colic and screams constantly?

Everyday children stuff implies its DURING THE DAY. A colicky baby that screams all the time cannot be controlled. Taking your shoes off while walking through an all-wood-floor UPPER apt, is very easily controlled. thats apples and oranges.

Just sayin.
post #50 of 66
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by mommy2maya View Post
But really, if it were you that lived upstairs, and them downstairs, would it be reasonable for them to say to you that your children are making too much noise while they are doing everyday children's stuff. Or if you have a baby that has colic and screams constantly? There are some things that we sacrifice living in close quarters. I don't think that you can make them not wear shoes in the house. Or not be clumsy at night. If these things were such a huge deal to me, yes, I would be the one moving. In fact, we did. We lived in an apt, a duplex, one up, one down, and we lived up. For the first two years, we had an elderly downstairs neighbor. He was virtually silent. Then, he passed, and we got a lady who LOVED her Sunday morning gospel. And a dog that barked at passing cars while she was at work. It was obnoxious to us, but we really couldn't do anything to change it, so WE moved.
I did live upstairs for 3 years in a 1 bedroom in this same building before we moved downstairs to a 2 BR. I KNEW how loud shoes on a the wood floors were so we never wore them indoors. We also bought area rugs. It's not hard to throw your shoes on right before you walk out the door.

We had the chance to take their apt. but didn't because I did not want to have my baby over someone. But if we had, it would have been during normal daytime hours. I certainly wouldn't have allowed him to bang pots and pans at 1 am! I don't complain about them doing everday adult stuff. It's when it is 1 or 2 in the morning and there are literally loud crashes above your head, well it's not unreasonable to ask someone to tone it down. Apparently my landlord agrees with me so I am not in the wrong here. The owners prefer a peaceful building.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Barbie64g View Post
Everyday children stuff implies its DURING THE DAY. A colicky baby that screams all the time cannot be controlled. Taking your shoes off while walking through an all-wood-floor UPPER apt, is very easily controlled. thats apples and oranges.

Just sayin.
Thank you. I don't know how many times I can say that I am not complaining about any daytime noise or any regular, expected noise at all. There is a reasonable amount of noise when you live in an apt. building, I know this! I just don't think that my family should be woken up at 7 am on a Sunday morning, EVERY week or at 1 am. 4-5 nights a week. I don't bang on their ceiling when they are sleeping.

FTR, my son was not colicky and rarely cries at night. When he does, we respond quickly at do our best to calm him as fast as we can. But still, he is a babe and no, I cannot control that!
post #51 of 66
Getting up and getting ready for work at 7am is a normal, daytime adult thing to do.
post #52 of 66
Quote:
Originally Posted by mommy2maya View Post
Getting up and getting ready for work at 7am is a normal, daytime adult thing to do.
Not with anyone I know. And that's not daytime to me, that's morning. Which is a huge difference.
post #53 of 66
I hope things go better now.

FWIW the normal time for most people to get up here is around 5-6am since they have to be at work at 7am. Not many 9-5 jobs here at all.
post #54 of 66
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by mommy2maya View Post
Getting up and getting ready for work at 7am is a normal, daytime adult thing to do.
I'm not debating "getting up and getting ready for work at 7 am". I'm asking them not to clomp around in heels and dress shoes at 7 am on SUNDAYS and even has occurred earlier on Saturdays. Many people are off on weekends and do not get up this early. It would be equivalent to me using a hammer for 20-30 minutes on a wall and disturbing them at an unreasonable time.

Most of the time during the week, we're up by 7, even though I'd really prefer not to hear that kind of noise that early, it's intrusive. I don't allow my toddler to bang that early either. How about I let him start his normal routine of tearing up the place whatever time he feels like it? It's a normal toddler thing to do right?

On the weekends and late at night, it is not unreasonable to ask them to tone it down a few notches. If they keep on being rude, I would literally get maybe 4-5 hours of broken sleep every night. Then I have to drive all day to visit my patients, come home and take care of my son. How about I crash my car from lack of sleep because they want to drop things all night? That's how tired I have been some days and a couple of days I've had to go to work several hours late due to being exhausted. I cannot drive safely when I've had only a few hours sleep.

This is not a frivolous, petty issue. It affects my livelihood and life quality and MINOR adjustments in their life will solve the problem. It's not too much to ask.

ETA: So far, nothing has been dropped loudly in the past couple of nights so that tells me that it CAN be controlled, whatever it was. I hope I'm not jinxing myself now.
post #55 of 66
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bea View Post
Not the home where I blew up at my neighbour, but another one, I could hear my upstairs neighbour having a pee, actually hear the tinkle sound when I was lying in bed reading in the quiet house at night. Poor guy would have been mortified if he knew.

OH MY GOD! You could?! WOW! Now I'm really scared! I hope that my neighbor never heard us having sex when we were downstairs!
post #56 of 66
Quote:
Originally Posted by mommy2maya View Post
Getting up and getting ready for work at 7am is a normal, daytime adult thing to do.
The OP has about written a BOOK to make sure her issue is clear and concise. Are you just not reading them?

She said 7am on a SATURDAY MORNING. I lived in an apt for a year in a half that was nothing like what shes describing, and have owned my own home for the past 7. But even though I have never been there, I dont think she is at all out of line for expecting (and will follow her own generaosity guuidlines) NO walking around in heels on a wood floor at all hours of the night and making a conscience effort not to DROP OR THROW THINGS onto the floor in the middle of the night.

My DS2 is a very crappy light sleeper. If that were my living situation, the neighbors would have surely gotten a tougue lashing by now. And I am not at all to embarraded to admit that I prolly would have already thrown things at the ceiling if my son had been disturbed. I have a pretty nasty temper when you screw with me sleep.
post #57 of 66
They're being jerks I'd start banging on the ceiling when they make noise that wakes you up or is at an inappropriate time.
post #58 of 66
I live in a Condo I can understand a bit and a noisy apartment but there is much better sound proofing where I am at.

Are they home all day? Do the work? Cause if the have jobs that would explain why there is no noise during the day.
post #59 of 66
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rosedotcom View Post
I live in a Condo I can understand a bit and a noisy apartment but there is much better sound proofing where I am at.

Are they home all day? Do the work? Cause if the have jobs that would explain why there is no noise during the day.
The wife is home during the day, but she doesn't drop so much then. She also doesn't wear her heels all day. only when she's getting ready to go out. I don't think she officially works but probably does stuff in the role of being a pastor's wife. So while we can hear her up there during the day, it's pretty much regular level noise.
post #60 of 66
the neighbours on the floor above us once rang us at 4am to ask us not to talk anymore - we were lying in bed having pillow chat. they bang on the floor if we switch our bathroom light (& with it the bathroom fan) on at night.

they wake our baby up hoovering at bizarre times of day.

next apartment i live in is going to be tooooootally sound proofed.
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Personal Growth
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Talk Amongst Ourselves › Personal Growth › I need help having a talk w/neighbor---NEW UPDATE POST 45