Insensitive comments......

[beatgirl]

Last night DP made the most insensitive comment that I took dd upstairs and didnt talk to him for about 3 hours!

We NEVER fight...seriously we have had some communication issues but last night I swear I came really close to biting his head off!

I was making dinner and he was playing with our 4 month old dd in the dining room and we were talking about how lucky we are, how sweet she is...blah blah...usual parent gushing. Then out of nowhere he says "I really hope she grows up to be mentally stable" I said "why wouldnt she?" and he replied "Well...you DO have to take medication...I just hope that she doesnt inherit that".....I was FUMING!!!!!! WTF?


All I could say was "Wow.." And I went upstairs.

he came up a few times and told me dinner was ready and I ignored him and then finally when he came to bed..he asked if I was still mad "What do you think? I struggled for a long time about whether I should go on Zoloft or not and this is the support I get? I just think you should think before you talk"

He apologised but I am still a little mad today.

Thanks for letting me vent

[Al Dente]

Gotta say I'd be pretty upset too. First of all, it's an insensitive thing to say...secondly, kids pick up so much and I would NOT want my child hearing that out of my partner's mouth. (My brother, a truly miserable human being, used to tell his daughter he hoped she'd grow up smart like her daddy instead of stupid like her mother. Now the little girl has absolutely zero respect for her mom.)

Anyway, people do tend to say things off the top of their heads sometimes, so maybe this is a real fear of his and it just sorta 'popped out'. I'm glad he apologized and just want to offer you


Rachel

[arthead]

If you struggled with the idea of going on meds in the first place, then made the decision to go on it, to feel & BE better... doesn't that make you a pretty mentally STABLE person? Sorry he said that to you, hopefully you won't start thinking about it too much, some people have fears about what they don't know & maybe he is just fearful of your med b'c it's not happening to him, & he doesn't fully understand. Could four months after birth be some post partum chemistry imbalance?

hope you feel good again very soon, hug



** oops!, didn't realize i was in the PPD forum having just clicked the "new threads" button. some of my post won't be appropriate i'm sorry!

[gilnikche]

Personally, I would have a huge problem with this. In my opinion; this shows a serious lack of knowledge on his part.

Would he make this kind of comment if you were a diabetic? Not likely.

I have struggled for years to accept my "condition". I read a book that was of tremendous help:

When Words Are Not Enough

One of the chapters addressed the hereditary factor.
On one hand; it is comforting to know that it is inherited. On the other hand; there is the guilt that you may pass it on to your children.

I had huge guilt about this. Finally; I have realized that my kids have the
advantage of having me as a knowledgable/empathetic person to rely on.


My baby is getting seriously ticked off at me now. So I will come back & check on this thread later.

Here is the link to the book; if interested:

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg...15048?v=glance

[Jish]

I totally agree with Carla, it sounds like your dh is simply very ill informed about what PPD/depression is. My psychiatrist once told me that he hates the term "depression" because it simply doesn't describe what the illness is. Having that name attached gives people the totally incorrect idea of what the disease is. Thus, so many people think you should just be able to "snap out of it" because when they feel depressed, they get over it. That thinking is so naive and misinformed.

Depression is a brain illness dealing with the chemicals in the brain. Like Carla said, it can be compared to a diabetic who needs insulin. Some of us need medication to get our brain chemistry back on track. Most of us won't need it forever. For many of us (including myself) depression doesn't even feel like "depression." Mine manifests itself in anxiety (health anxiety in my case) then couples with a feeling of complete apathy about everything. I'm never truly "depressed" about anything. Thus, labeling what I deal with as depression gives people a very wrong idea about what is going on.

I second Carla's suggestion about reading up on the topic. I would also hope that your dh would care enough to read also to find out what you are really going through. I have a hard time considering what I have to be a "mental illness." I prefer to think of myself as "chemically challenged.":LOL

On a side note, I'm guessing that while you may have passed on the tendency toward depression to your kids, I'm guessing that your dh's gene pool isn't pristine in anyway either.:LOL

[beatgirl]

Thanks for the understanding ladies....

This is still bugging me days later because I feel like a big wall is thrown up now.

I should also explain what my situation was like before I was pg with my dd.

About a year before I met my dp I was having severe panic attacks out of nowhere. Never had them in my life. I saw my doctor and after we had a few visits she determined that I was suffering from post traumatic stress disorder. I had been a victim of a violent crime months earlier (whole other story) and was trying not to deal with it. Therefore it was manifesting itself into extreme anxiety. I went on Paxil (only 10 mg) and it made a world of difference.

When dp and I got more serious, I explained to him that I was on meds but it was probably temporary to get me over this bad time in my life and he was fine with it. And if any of you have ever been on Paxil you know how hard it is to wean yourself off with the zaps and all.

Anyhow, when I found out I was pg I went off Paxil...even though my doc said it would be okay...I still didnt want to risk it since research can only tell you so much. After all the children born to Paxil taking moms arent grown up yet. The drug hasnt been around long enough. So the withdrawals were awful but I survived and had a normal healthy pregnancy. The anxiety attacks were pretty much gone.

After she was born I did suffer the usual weepiness and lethargy that I did with my other two children and it probably would have passed but 8 weeks postpartim I had to have emergency abdominal surgery. So after recovering from a vaginal birth I felt like I had to recover from a c section! talk about feeling cooped up! i was so bummed because I couldnt exercise or do anything I wanted to do. i just wanted to feel 'normal" again.

now my dd is 4 and a half months and I am finally feeling normal physically but mentally I am a little anxious again.

I agree about the whole depression word being attatched to my condition, because if anything I feel like I cant calm down.

Thanks again for understanding ladies.

[gilnikche]

I agree about the whole depression word being attatched to my condition, because if anything I feel like I cant calm down.

This sounds similar to me. I have a problem with being "too edgy". Things rattle me way too easily. Even at my worst; I was climbing the walls. Definitely not lethargic or sleeping a lot. I like the analogy I heard of depression.

It is a two sided coin. Depression on one side; anxiety on the other.