If you don't celebrate Christmas...

[Barefoot~Baker]

What do you do/say when your children want to? We are Christians but don't celebrate religious holidays, for various reasons. My children are now 5 1/2, 4 and we have a 2 month old. The older 2 have showed interest in Christmas but we def don't want to celebrate it.

I guess I'm just looking for advice and your experiences with this issue to give me something to think about when questions arise.

Thanks

[InMediasRes]

My opinion might not mean much because we do celebrate Christmas.

We have some friends that throw a solstice party every year. People of all religions are invited. They have wonderful food (very non-traditional foods for the holidays). At the end everyone sits in a circle and passes the candle and talks about something they loved about the year or what they or thankful for or whatever they want to say. It's a really fun trandition and everyone feels included.

Maybe you could pick up some of the themes of Christmas, like giving and charity, and work from there? My ILs do charity work (like work at the homeless shelter for a half day) on both Thanksgiving and Christmas, and they also typically invite someone over who does not have a family to share a meal with (even if it's just that their family is out of town, they've had a lot of students over ). Another family I know has the siblings make gifts for eachother in lieu of buying gifts.

I guess I'm not sure if you mean that you don't want to celebrate ANYTHING, or if you just don't want the commercial-xmas-with-santa-and-reindeer sort of Christmas. I heard a broadcast on NPR last year about how people have celebrated SOMETHING in the winter months for eons, usually including light, because people need that pick-me-up during the drab and dark season. Maybe you and your kids could invent your own holiday?

[KristaDJ]

Christians here who don't celebrate holidays except thanksgiving. I just answer them honestly like I do any other question they ask me. My oldest is 7 and he never asks about christmas as we've already talked about it. I let them know that holidays are for religions and spiritual beliefs and that since we don't share those beliefs we don't celebrate those holidays, pretty simple and that goes for any holiday.

[Serenyd]

My parents belonged to a christian religion that did not allow the celebration of traditional christian holidays (we celebrated old testament holy days instead). Thanksgiving was always a big deal, with lots of family, and family members who felt obligated to give gifts during the season gave "thanksgiving gifts" instead. My parents had pretty solid reasons for not celebrating christmas/easter ect. mainly because they are based on old pagan holidays and do not come from the bible. I'm sure you could find a book on it if you wanted to talk to your kids about it from that point of view.

[josie423]

Christians as well, and we don't celebrate the major holidays. This rankles DH's family to no end, but oh well! Our little ones are too young to understand, but we'll simply explain that it doesn't fit into our beliefs and its unnecessary. They get gifts from DH's family, which I am not crazy about but not sure how to get them to stop.

[jillmamma]

Originally Posted by SactoMommy

Maybe you could pick up some of the themes of Christmas, like giving and charity, and work from there? My ILs do charity work (like work at the homeless shelter for a half day) on both Thanksgiving and Christmas, and they also typically invite someone over who does not have a family to share a meal with (even if it's just that their family is out of town, they've had a lot of students over ). Another family I know has the siblings make gifts for eachother in lieu of buying gifts.

I guess I'm not sure if you mean that you don't want to celebrate ANYTHING, or if you just don't want the commercial-xmas-with-santa-and-reindeer sort of Christmas. I heard a broadcast on NPR last year about how people have celebrated SOMETHING in the winter months for eons, usually including light, because people need that pick-me-up during the drab and dark season. Maybe you and your kids could invent your own holiday?

We DO celebrate Christmas and other holidays, but I love this idea! You could always do Festivus instead, right?

[Honey693]

Originally Posted by jillmamma

We DO celebrate Christmas and other holidays, but I love this idea! You could always do Festivus instead, right?

Or a snow party! When the first big snow happens have a huge day with sledding, family and friends over, cocoa, winter movies, etc.

[KristaDJ]

What is with the push to celebrate something? She didn't say "what could we do instead?" why do people assume that we need something to celebrate at that time? I'm not trying to be snarky it's just that this seems to be the reaction from people and I don't get it. For me celebrating winter isn't any better as that is pagan too.

[LauraLoo]

Every year in December for the past four years, my ds has wanted to celebrate Hanukah. We are not Jewish. So every year, we get books and learn a little more about the Jewish faith and culture. We don't really celebrate the holiday like a Jewish family would, but we learn and do enough for ds to be satisfied. I see it as an excellent way to expand his knowledge of different religions and different cultures.

Have you asked your dc's about why they want to celebrate Christmas? Have you discussed with them the reasons that you don't want to celebrate religious holidays?

[josie423]

Originally Posted by KristaDJ

What is with the push to celebrate something? She didn't say "what could we do instead?" why do people assume that we need something to celebrate at that time? I'm not trying to be snarky it's just that this seems to be the reaction from people and I don't get it. For me celebrating winter isn't any better as that is pagan too.

All she asked for was ways to explain not celebrating Christmas to her children.

[snoopy5386]

Originally Posted by KristaDJ

What is with the push to celebrate something? She didn't say "what could we do instead?" why do people assume that we need something to celebrate at that time? I'm not trying to be snarky it's just that this seems to be the reaction from people and I don't get it. For me celebrating winter isn't any better as that is pagan too.

Because almost everyone else does? And you don't want your kids to feel left out or miserable? Because you can't "escape" from the holidays in December - they are everywhere - on tv, in the stores, the schools, the library, neighbors homes are decorated??

[claras_mom]

Originally Posted by Mrs. Turner

What do you do/say when your children want to? We are Christians but don't celebrate religious holidays, for various reasons. My children are now 5 1/2, 4 and we have a 2 month old. The older 2 have showed interest in Christmas but we def don't want to celebrate it.

I guess I'm just looking for advice and your experiences with this issue to give me something to think about when questions arise.

Thanks

Originally Posted by josie423

All she asked for was ways to explain not celebrating Christmas to her children.

No, the way it was worded could have been about actions - "doing" - as well.


I'd say you have to handle it as you do anything else that's value based--values parents are trying to instill in the child. In an age-appropriate way, explain that it's not what you do in your family.

And be prepared for fall-out and saying it again.... As Snoopy5386 said, it's pretty hard to avoid the winter holidays and for a kid it can look like a lot of fun.

[smeisnotapirate]

Originally Posted by snoopy5386

Because almost everyone else does? And you don't want your kids to feel left out or miserable? Because you can't "escape" from the holidays in December - they are everywhere - on tv, in the stores, the schools, the library, neighbors homes are decorated??

I disagree and here's why.

Children don't crave Christmas or Chanukah or Easter or Halloween. They couldn't care less about any commercial holidays AS LONG AS they have traditions of their own to embrace.

OP, maybe the question to be asking yourself is "does my family have meaningful traditions throughout the year for my children to look forward to? Are these traditions that reflect our values and our family's outlook on life and the cycle of the year?"

I can guarantee that it's not Christmas specifically that your children crave. It's the love and attention that children get during that season and throughout the year at various holidays. If you don't like the ones that are offered, really make some traditions your own.

My parents went apple-picking every fall when I was a child. I remember circling the date on the calendar in January (when we got our new calendars) and looking forward to it all year. We would get bundled up, drive to the orchard, pick until our hands were numb and we were tired from lugging apples around, and then drink hot apple cider as we plotted what to do with the apples. That night, we would be professional apple processors, as we froze pies and tarts and made cider.

THAT is what children crave. So maybe, if your children mention it, tell them that there are more important things than Christmas. Talk to them about things that they love doing and values your family has. Let them help you come up with amazing, unique traditions that the whole family will love, and at significant times for you.

Good luck.

[philomom]

Children do crave ritual and tradition. To fill that need/possible void... I invented Soup and Solstice. A big no gifts party that has all our friends come over on the Dec 21st for soup. Every year there is a different crew of friends and neighbors who are still in town at that time of year. We decorate sun cookies... sing silly songs about the light or sunshine and just enjoy being together.

[chaoticzenmom]

I would remind them that every day is special. Tell them that they're lucky not to have to wait all year for special gifts. And remind them of special things that you do as a family.

We do celebrate Christmas and I'm jealous of those who don't. I'm not Christian, but it's more like the holiday has a hold on everyone around me and it would inconvenience everyone for us to opt out. I really,really would like to opt out. I prefer to buy nice things for people when I see the perfect thing that would please them...no matter when it is. I remember a story of a boy who was killed right before Christmas and his parents were so upset that he never got his presents. Every day is special and gifts are more special when they arrive when someone is truly thinking of you, not when they have to fit you into their budget.

[Barefoot~Baker]

Thanks for all of your advice and ideas!

I guess I mainly am looking for advice on how to deal with my dc's interests in the holiday without celebrating it or anything else. We do look forward to Thanksgiving and birthdays and have lots of fun with those days!

[Barefoot~Baker]

Originally Posted by claras_mom

I'd say you have to handle it as you do anything else that's value based--values parents are trying to instill in the child. In an age-appropriate way, explain that it's not what you do in your family.

And be prepared for fall-out and saying it again.... As Snoopy5386 said, it's pretty hard to avoid the winter holidays and for a kid it can look like a lot of fun.

This is great, thank you

[gabysmom617]

Originally Posted by Mrs. Turner

Thanks for all of your advice and ideas!

I guess I mainly am looking for advice on how to deal with my dc's interests in the holiday without celebrating it or anything else. We do look forward to Thanksgiving and birthdays and have lots of fun with those days!

Yeah, I deal with this too. My oldest child is 4 years old, and he loves the lights and everything associated with christmas, and he gets excited about it even though we don't celebrate it.

I haven't tried this but this is what I'm thinking about doing. Find out exactly what it is about christmas that your kids like. Is it the gift giving? Is it the decorations? Is it the lights? Then allow them to do it any time of the year. Since my kid likes the lights, I was thinking about waiting until the christmas lights go on sale and let him decorate his bed with them or maybe use them as night lights. (Maybe? I had a friend who did this sometimes. I hope they don't use up to much electricity. If so, I'll have to come up with a suitable alternative...) The lights are pretty and don't have to be confined to christmas.
We encourage gift giving all year round. And if it's the decorations, then he is free to decorate his room or the house according to the season. We can do generic winter type decorations if he wants whenever he wants. Most traditions and customs associated with christmas that kids enjoy can be done any time.

[KristaDJ]

Originally Posted by snoopy5386

Because almost everyone else does? And you don't want your kids to feel left out or miserable? Because you can't "escape" from the holidays in December - they are everywhere - on tv, in the stores, the schools, the library, neighbors homes are decorated??

I don't do ANYTHING just because most people do it. My children are not left out and miserable. And since we don't watch television, shop at big department stores or send our kids to school most of the social pressure to conform is alleviated. I don't need to make up a day to celebrate so that we fit in better, we're just fine with being different. I just really don't get why other people try to insist that we need to do something. Do people try to pressure Jews to eat something like pork? "Here have turkey bacon, you simply must have some sort of bacon" ??? It's just weird to me that this is done all. the. time. about the holidays, like people don't get that it is a spiritual belief.

[caro113]

Here's my problem. I don't like christmas at all and would prefer to not celebrate it. Maybe that's because it's right around my birthday, but I've never cared too much for christmas.

Anyhow, as with everything else, my family doesn't understand that and refuses to respect my wishes to not celebrate it and not receive gifts. They also believe it is incredibly rude for me to not celebrate it. DP's family is the same way. DP did agree not to celebrate it but deep down, it really depresses him. He really wants to celebrate it.

I hate christmas. With a passion. We finally came to a compromise that we would do solstice. I'd rather do nothing at all, but that's the only option. I can't make him miserable by missing it and he can't make me miserable by doing it.

Now if only our families could learn to respect our wishes.