Waiting to Adopt NON DDC ~ October 2009 - Page 2

[lamamax3]

I will be thinking about you this week Erin

Nothing is going on here as far as the adoption is concerned. Next month will be a year since our final home study meeting...our social worker told us then that she couldn't imagine us waiting longer than a year She has one month left to be right about that.

Good luck to all of the waiters here!

[BeckC]

We had to say no.

The amount that she needs is technically within our budget but beyond the amount that we're comfortable risking (since if she changes her mind, we can't recover the money we spent). In addition we would have to pay it all now and hope for the next 7 months that she didn't change her mind. Our profile wouldn't be shown at all during the match.

I can't believe I just said no to a baby.

[SundayCrepes]

Originally Posted by BeckC

We had to say no.

The amount that she needs is technically within our budget but beyond the amount that we're comfortable risking (since if she changes her mind, we can't recover the money we spent). In addition we would have to pay it all now and hope for the next 7 months that she didn't change her mind. Our profile wouldn't be shown at all during the match.

I can't believe I just said no to a baby.

I would have made the same choice. How I would have "rationalized" it to myself is, if this is YOUR baby, she will think about you for a very long time and will contact you later in the pregnancy. If this isn't YOUR baby, this would have fallen through and you would have been out all that money on top of it.

We were working with an agency for awhile. We had a lot of problems. When we went our separate ways, I didn't really worry about it because I know things always work out if you honor your gut. Our daughter was born 7 months later. I started nursing her at 6 hours of age. She looks just like me and our bio son. Had we continued with the other agency, we wouldn't have been where we needed to be for our daughter.

I''m sure it's hard to say "no" to a baby, but your baby is out there waiting for you.

[crl]

Originally Posted by BeckC

We had to say no.

The amount that she needs is technically within our budget but beyond the amount that we're comfortable risking (since if she changes her mind, we can't recover the money we spent). In addition we would have to pay it all now and hope for the next 7 months that she didn't change her mind. Our profile wouldn't be shown at all during the match.

I can't believe I just said no to a baby.

It really sounds to me like you made the right choice. I know exactly what you mean about saying no to a baby. It's so hard. But I think it's very important to only proceed when you are comfortable with the situation, whether that's from a financial angle or health risk factors or degree of openess or whatever.

Catherine

[Whistler]

Beck, I agree with PP... go with your gut. This just wasn't right for your family. And it wasn't saying no to a baby, it was saying no to a situation you weren't comfortable with. There was a lot more involved than just the baby, but I know what you mean. Still, the right one will come. *hugs*

[lamamax3]

I have a problem with an agency trying to match emoms with adoptive families so early in the pregnancy. I really like that our's doesn't show profiles until the emom is eight months along. There are too many variables and all of the financial risk is squarely on the adoptive parents. I think you made the right choice, but I understand how hard it is

[leahcar]

Hi there. I just found this community yesterday.

My husband and I have been talking about adoption for several years. We moved from a "someday" plan to a "now" in May. We spent 6 whole (9 am - 4 PM) Saturdays in the required classes this summer and our home study was approved in late July. We are hoping to adopt an older child (a girl). We have no other children. We currently have "expressed interest" in 3 girls across the state (we live in Floida) and are waiting to see how that goes. We actually got a call from one of the girl's guardian ad litem last night, which we're very excited about! We are going to a matching event in a couple weeks that this girl and the guardian ad litem will both be at.

The agency doing our classes and home study didn't do the best job of explaining how long the process takes and how much waiting is involved. We are adjusting, though (what else can you do, right?!).

[SimplyRochelle]

I am having a super bummed day. After we went to the inquiry meeting last night, got all our paperwork, sat through an hour and a half of explaining what foster parents do, etc... my husband told me he had changed his mind and really didn't feel ready for this. It's not like he even wants to do this soon. He said maybe 3 years from now. That seems like a lifetime away for me. I've been ready to be a mom since the day we got married and after my loss from last year, I'm just so tired of waiting. It sucks to be on such totally different pages. I understand where he's coming from, he has more schooling ahead of him after he graduates, I don't. I don't have a single doubt that we could do this, and I feel like he's just so afraid we'll fail. I've spent the whole day depressed, mourning like I've actually lost a baby again. I am just so disappointed. I wish he would have voiced his concerns before we'd gone to the meeting, before he let me get my hopes up. So I guess you can go ahead and take me off the list, at least for now, but I know I'll be back eventually.

And of course, just because I'm already so frazzeled, my CASA case has just blown up. Less than a week before court and trial home placement, the mom is sabatoging their return and I'm dealing with a gazillion people calling me and texting me all day long while I was in class.

[SundayCrepes]

Originally Posted by SimplyRochelle

I am having a super bummed day. After we went to the inquiry meeting last night, got all our paperwork, sat through an hour and a half of explaining what foster parents do, etc... my husband told me he had changed his mind and really didn't feel ready for this. It's not like he even wants to do this soon. He said maybe 3 years from now. That seems like a lifetime away for me. I've been ready to be a mom since the day we got married and after my loss from last year, I'm just so tired of waiting. It sucks to be on such totally different pages. I understand where he's coming from, he has more schooling ahead of him after he graduates, I don't. I don't have a single doubt that we could do this, and I feel like he's just so afraid we'll fail. I've spent the whole day depressed, mourning like I've actually lost a baby again. I am just so disappointed. I wish he would have voiced his concerns before we'd gone to the meeting, before he let me get my hopes up. So I guess you can go ahead and take me off the list, at least for now, but I know I'll be back eventually.

And of course, just because I'm already so frazzeled, my CASA case has just blown up. Less than a week before court and trial home placement, the mom is sabatoging their return and I'm dealing with a gazillion people calling me and texting me all day long while I was in class.

I'm so sorry.

[SimplyRochelle]

Thanks. We actually talked about it for a long time last night and wrote down all the reason he doesn't want to do this now. And yay, compromise! He said he could see us fostering in a year, as long as x, y, z happens. I can at least get on board with this one and he agreed to help me fill out paperwork so we can get into the PRIDE training, but I think if we do this now, we might end up having to get our background checks renewed. I'm not too sure yet. But I am just so thankful we talked about it. My hubby is pretty awesome!

[ftlmom2001]

Erin, Have you heard anything yet. I'm praying for you girl.

[someonenamedleah]

Erin, I've been praying too. Hoping that no news is good news.

[Polliwog]

Erin started a new thread. The baby came home and she'll post details when she can!

[mamadebug]

Originally Posted by BeckC

We had to say no.

The amount that she needs is technically within our budget but beyond the amount that we're comfortable risking (since if she changes her mind, we can't recover the money we spent). In addition we would have to pay it all now and hope for the next 7 months that she didn't change her mind. Our profile wouldn't be shown at all during the match.

I can't believe I just said no to a baby.

I am sorry. We also said no to a situation, and felt really sad about it. During the pre-adoption workshop we did, the woman running the workshop kept repeating that the right situation eventually does come along for everyone....it can be so hard to remember that, though. I hope you guys are at peace with your decision.

[tiffani]

Originally Posted by someonenamedleah

AFM, can you change my status to Domestic Transracial Infant Adoption, MATCHED with an emom expecting twin boys in January!

congratulations on your match!!!

Originally Posted by ftlmom2001

Our baby is due on less than 2 weeks.

how exciting! congratulations, and I hope everything goes well for all involved!

Originally Posted by BeckC

I can't believe I just said no to a baby.

I'm so sorry, that must have been so hard... but your baby will come along sooner or later, hang in there...

Rochelle, glad to hear you guys talked about it and came to an agreement!

Originally Posted by Polliwog

Erin started a new thread. The baby came home and she'll post details when she can!

As for us, we're solidly back with Uganda, which is exciting because it could be fairly quick, sad because we won't likely be adopting from Rwanda (which is shaping up to be a great program, in my humble opinion -- if anyone is looking for an increasingly stable program in africa with very reasonable fees, check out Rwanda), and scared that we're making the wrong decision, though I'm feeling better and better about it all the time... I felt quite sad to be leaving the Ugandan "program" (ha!) for Rwanda, but Uganda is still pretty topsy turvy. somehow, though, I feel like our kids are there, and we need to find them there... even though most of me feels like adoption is 99.9% chance and circumstance, there is that .1% miracle that has drawn us back to Uganda...

so we shall see...

our homestudy is on the verge of being completed, we've found an affordable lawyer in Uganda who also seems pretty great, from what we can tell, and we're waiting to hear about kids there. oh, and USCIS stuff is ready to be mailed monday -- we had heard that USCIS only takes about 2-3 weeks to approve families for adoption, but then I heard someone else say it took them 3 months, so I'm incredibly scared now... It depends on which office you have to apply to, I think, and I'm hoping ours (in Bangkok) is fast!!! we were counting on them to be fast!!

[crl]

Tiffani,

Yea for progress. Approval time from USCIS does vary hugely. I remember when we were adopting DS, some office in Utah was taking like 2 weeks. Ours took about 8 weeks, as I recall. And there were others that were taking even longer. I hope your office is a speedy one!

Catherine

[Whistler]

Hi all! I'm still here reading about everyone who is waiting and thinking about al of you! Life has suddenly become a lot busier (hehe) so I haven't been able to post on the DDC but I am still lurking!

[tiffani]

copied and pasted from a tribe thread...hurrying to get to the bank and to send off our I-600a app (fingerprints included, as we're overseas, so we don't have to wait for that)... I'm sure you all understand!

We are waiting for our referral of two little ones from an orphanage in Uganda that I didn't even know about until this week, assisted by a lawyer I didn't know about until last week, and all of our paperwork is coming together -- we may have our kids home by christmas!!! I will save the for later in the week when we see their little faces (girl under 18 months, boy 2-4) and know who it is we've been working so hard for all these years!!!

off to the bank to wire money to the lawyer!! hopefully next time I'm back it will be with photos of our kids!!

[someonenamedleah]

Oh wow Tiffani, what great news! What a wonderful Christmas present that would be!

[Whistler]

Oh, Tiffani! That would be fantastic! Keep us posted.