Help! to pacify or not?

[StrongFeather]

DH is pushing to use a pacifier. I don't want to, but after ANOTHER day of crying most of the waking time, (you know when not on my breast..) I am starting to doubt myself.

Do you use one?
How? When?
Do you limit the use in some way? Can you?

I have to admit when Sam is screaming and DH can't soothe him any other way but with his pinky in the mouth, I can see how DH would think it's a good idea. What are the negative impacts to me giving in?

[2boyzmama]

As long as breastfeeding is well established, his latch is good, he's gaining weight well, your supply is good, then I don't see a harm in it. I know some hard-core people will say that your breast should supply all his sucking needs, but sometimes when you're at your wit's end, and baby STILL needs to suck, then a pacifier is NOT a bad thing.

Try it...I say it can't hurt

[2boyzmama]

Oh, I didn't answer your other questions. I tried it with both my boys, but neither took to it real well. It would get me another couple minutes in a pinch, but that was it.

I did have a "rule" that I didn't want them to learn to sleep with it. My sister did that, and if she ever lost her paci overnight, she'd wake up screaming. My mom ended up fumbling around in the dark looking for a paci. So if one of my boys fell asleep with it in his mouth, I'd take it out.

I'd use it in the car a lot. I'd also sometimes use it to hold off a hungry baby for just two more minutes so I could turn off the stove or finish a phone call or whatever, but I tried to never use it in place of a feeding, just to hold one off another minute or two.

And you should try finding a pacifier that looks the most like your nipple. So not the ones that are "molded" on one side. You don't want the baby to learn to suck differently. You should still see him wrapping his tongue around the bottom just like he does on your breast.

[Tashakittie]

My mw recommends them after 3 weeks, i've read on kellymom.com after 6 weeks is preferred. i don't have experience exactly; my first DS wanted nothing, and i mean NOTHING but a boob in his mouth. as early as we can remember, he'd yank the paci out of his mouth. he refused a bottle and then sippy cups too. i was his pacifier. with ds2, we will cross that bridge when we get to it. as of right now, he does not spend much time using the breast as a pacifier and does not freak out when i take him off the empty breast when he's just sucking away. i'm not against them at all- if it makes baby happy and provides some sanity/ relief/ peace for the parents, how can it really be bad?

[confustication]

I don't have a problem maintaining my supply, and though I SWORE I would never use them, I've used them with each child. If I let them comfort suck as much as they would like I'd have even worse oversupply issues.

We use the Soothies pacifiers, and they work really well for us.

FWIW, dd gave them up on her own at about 5 months, ds 1 still uses his at bedtime and in the night (but he gets it for himself, and uses it for about 3 minutes before dropping it out of his mouth), and DS 2 is the least 'pacifiable' of my kids, he's a deeply boob-attached baby, but when I can get away with it to give my nipples a break I do.

I know some people consider them taboo, but they work well for us. If I were struggling with supply I'd probably make a different choice, but the one thing I've realized is that sometimes you just do what works, and try not to overthink/overguilt being a parent. If using a pacifier helps to save my sanity so I'm a less frazzled mom, that's good for everyone. You don't have to be perfert to be the perfect mom for your child.

[KayleeZoo]

all 4 of mine have loved their binkies. we started offering a pacifier within the first week with all of them and never had trouble with nipple confusion or with my milk supply (i bf 3 out of the 4). honestly, they are just really oral kids who derive a lot of pleasure/calmness from sucking and i'm really glad we did it. i did have to try several different shapes/types, though, to find the one that dd#1 liked. then, i bought different ones for each subsequent baby and they all refused each different kind the nuk silicone ones are the only ones they like(d). it's been really useful when i leave them with dh as infants; he can help them soothe without having a boob and with dd#1 having colic and ds having horrible reflux (and now camry having severe reflux, too) it saved my sanity. sometimes all they would do is suck furiously on the binky and it got us through the really hard minutes.

[BekahMomToOliver]

DS was super reflux-y, and we found a paci really helped. Actually, I remember reading somewhere that they stimulate saliva production and are therefore quite soothing. Maybe if you Google "reflux and pacifiers" there might be some info.
DS gave it up himself when he was about one (he was teething big time and I guess he found it felt funny), so it's not always a big struggle to get rid of them, either.
Good luck!

[Julia24]

I second (or is it third?) binkies helping with reflux - not only to help soothe and uncomfortable baby, but bc of the sucking/saliva production thingie. My first two REALLY liked theirs - and I put NO boundaries on it in the beginning, our rules come at one year ish of age.... I just make sure to have MANY ( I probably have 20, not kidding) And my kids have all liked the Mam ones - they look just like the NUK ones once they're IN there mouth, but there's no 'right side up' and no handle. (they always just yank it out accidentally and then cry). Oh - and I have solutions to all the issues that 2boyz mentioned - like keeping a particular spot for it in their bed, and having several there, so you never have to go searching for the one they lost, just pop a new one in....and once they get to be 5ish months old - you gently guide their own hand there to find a new one if they want it in the middle of the night...in a couple of weeks you never have to go get one again...they have plenty and know where to get another

TOTALLY use it! It's a life saver.

Charlotte won't use it for a second. She's just not a big sucker. *shrug*

[cristeen]

I was adamant (and still am) that I will not use a paci. I don't want to risk interfering with my supply, and I would rather he suck on me if he needs sucking. But then my little guy came out sucking on his own fingers, so he's good even without a paci. BFing vs paci isn't just about supply either - there's also tongue movement, taste, texture, etc., that babe has to learn to differentiate, and some babes have trouble with it.

But, when he spent 2 nights in a row screaming bloody murder and nothing would soothe him, I went out and bought a paci (2 of them, actually). He absolutely hated them. So I have 2 pacis sitting in the changing table that have been in his mouth once or twice. They're for daddy if he's desparate. I will still pop a boob in his mouth if need be.

All of that being said - if you've already ruled out reflux, since he's only screaming at night, have you tried the 5 "S's"? As silly as it sounded when my MW told me about them during pregnancy, I didn't bother looking them up. And I wound up having to call her at 1 am during a screaming fit to come over and teach me how to do them, and he calmed right down. My little guy loves having his body/legs swaddled (but doesn't stand for having his hands swaddled) - but it has to be a proper swaddle (we tried those "swaddling wraps", and they suck). Side lying (most babies hate being on their backs), shushing, holding him firmly (rather than just like a sack of flour) and movement... Together they've managed to calm any screaming fit since.

Is he rooting while screaming? Could he be going through a growth spurt (which means he needs to eat more often)? And remember that so long as he's screaming, he cannot eat (physically)... you have to calm him down first. My guy rapidly lost weight those 2 nights screaming because he didn't/couldn't eat. I felt horrible when I realized that he physically cannot suck when he's screaming.

Anyway - hope some of that helps.

[onelittleone]

I didn't use a paci with DD and she was intense!!! I am not against them, but wouldn't consider it until 6 weeks when your milk supply is established. I nursed DD constantly and she also had really bad reflux and allergies ... but sensory issuse as well. Try turning on the vacuum next time Sam is screaming, that saved our butts. We also used to run the shower while shhshhhshhing and swaying DD to sleep. It eventually got better ... but man that was tough! I also would nurse her in the bath if she was screaming so much and couldn't latch on ... DH would run the bath and once we got settled in the warm water she would nurse ... Good luck mama!!!

[StrongFeather]

Well, let's see.

He DOES have reflux issues.. so that is a pro for paci use

I have over supply at least on one side, so I can't see him not sucking so much hurting it. Actually reading this makes me wonder if his constant sucking has made my over supply worse?? Possiblitiy?

I like the idea of not letting him sleep with it. Taking it out slowly after he's fallen asleep. This of couse would only be for naps, and with Daddy, since we co-sleep and he sucks/eats all he wants at night.

I guess I am off to Babies R Us...

Thanks again for your wisdom Mommas!

[KayleeZoo]

omg julia, i had forgotten about having to buy 20 of them for the crib/middle of the night retrieval!!! that's the only reason i put a bumper pad in the crib- to help keep the binkies from falling out and then we pile them up in one spot so baby can learn where to grab one

[dosergirl]

we don't use one and i won't even consider it til at least 6 weeks.even then i don't really agree with them. i think babies should learn to self soothe. that being said, that is for a normal baby not one with issues like reflux.
i am lucky to have a really great baby. she does not scream or even really cry so i haven't had this come up yet. we do have two paci's from our shower, they are the silicone newborn kind.

good luck mama, i say, whatever is right for your baby is right!

[Julia24]

Kayle - it got to the point with Grace that Maddie even kept a stash in the cupholder of her booster; so when it got lost SHE could just hand Grace a new one funny, funny. I WISH I could get Charlotte to use one. I think it really HELPS them to self-soothe, and it would make her happy, I just know it A baby will generally come up with SOME 'aid' to help them 'self-soothe', so I'd rather pick it/control it. I've had several clients who's babies want a blanket/burp cloth OVER THEIR FACE to self soothe - makes me crazy!!!! Then you have the finer/thumb suckers...it's really all the same, imo.

Also, strongfeather, I just wanted to put out there....while you may have great success not letting him sleep with it, don't stress out about it if that doesn't work out - there's a lot of research about sucking and it's relationship to social, emotional and cognitive growth. Babies are DESIGNED to suck, yk? So, he's getting good feelings when he's sucking. And, of course, there's that SIDS angle as well. Though I don't quite undestand that one.

[lisa_nc]

I don't use them but I just read today that they are thought to reduce SIDS. It just seems odd to me that that would be the case, but it came up in some article I was reading. Then they also said not to cosleep so I pretty much just ignored it.

[greeny]

As long as breastfeeding is well established, his latch is good, he's gaining weight well, your supply is good, then I don't see a harm in it. I know some hard-core people will say that your breast should supply all his sucking needs, but sometimes when you're at your wit's end, and baby STILL needs to suck, then a pacifier is NOT a bad thing.

totally agree

[hipmummy]

Originally Posted by onelittleone

I didn't use a paci with DD and she was intense!!! I am not against them, but wouldn't consider it until 6 weeks when your milk supply is established. I nursed DD constantly and she also had really bad reflux and allergies ... but sensory issuse as well. Try turning on the vacuum next time Sam is screaming, that saved our butts. We also used to run the shower while shhshhhshhing and swaying DD to sleep. It eventually got better ... but man that was tough! I also would nurse her in the bath if she was screaming so much and couldn't latch on ... DH would run the bath and once we got settled in the warm water she would nurse ... Good luck mama!!!

: the same for my ds. With this guy I am hiding one in the car in case of meltdowns. we never owned one with ds but I wish I had one for the car. He just screamed non stop. We received on on a gift bag last week (natural latex) and I could have ##%# my husband as I walked out the room from putting ds down I noticed ds2 had the thing in his mouth!!!!!!! Ay four days old I was livid. He had the most difficult time nursing that night. He used it two times for a total of 45 min. I hid the thing ASAP. Proof + it does addect nursing when used too soon.

[hipmummy]

Originally Posted by cristeen

I was adamant (and still am) that I will not use a paci. I don't want to risk interfering with my supply, and I would rather he suck on me if he needs sucking. But then my little guy came out sucking on his own fingers, so he's good even without a paci. BFing vs paci isn't just about supply either - there's also tongue movement, taste, texture, etc., that babe has to learn to differentiate, and some babes have trouble with it.

But, when he spent 2 nights in a row screaming bloody murder and nothing would soothe him, I went out and bought a paci (2 of them, actually). He absolutely hated them. So I have 2 pacis sitting in the changing table that have been in his mouth once or twice. They're for daddy if he's desparate. I will still pop a boob in his mouth if need be.

All of that being said - if you've already ruled out reflux, since he's only screaming at night, have you tried the 5 "S's"? As silly as it sounded when my MW told me about them during pregnancy, I didn't bother looking them up. And I wound up having to call her at 1 am during a screaming fit to come over and teach me how to do them, and he calmed right down. My little guy loves having his body/legs swaddled (but doesn't stand for having his hands swaddled) - but it has to be a proper swaddle (we tried those "swaddling wraps", and they suck). Side lying (most babies hate being on their backs), shushing, holding him firmly (rather than just like a sack of flour) and movement... Together they've managed to calm any screaming fit since.

Is he rooting while screaming? Could he be going through a growth spurt (which means he needs to eat more often)? And remember that so long as he's screaming, he cannot eat (physically)... you have to calm him down first. My guy rapidly lost weight those 2 nights screaming because he didn't/couldn't eat. I felt horrible when I realized that he physically cannot suck when he's screaming.

Anyway - hope some of that helps.

: as well