I always feel uncomfortable when I have to handle a situation with another parent's child when the parent is present (i.e. 3 feet away and watching/listening to what their child is doing). Yesterday evening was DD's 5th birthday party. One mother and child arrived early so were the only ones there. I don't know the mother very well so we started to chat and she was telling me what a hard time she has with her DD (4 yo), that she does not listen to her, etc. Her daughter is definitely "energetic".
Flash forward...I put out some snacks and drinks. It was to be a small party (2 families, with a total of 4 kids), so I did not have an unlimited supply of each snack. Her DD started to scarf down one of the bowls of nuts. Admittedly they are yummy and hard to put down. She was encouraging my DD to follow suit. I gently told my DD that the nuts were for everybody to share and she had enough. She stopped eating the nuts. The other girl's mother half-heartedly told her to stop eating the nuts as well, but she did not stop. I finally took the bowl, when it was half gone, and suggested putting some on plates for each of them, then put the bowl in the middle of the dining table, away from where we were sitting. Her DD climbed up on the table (!) and took the bowl and proceeded to pour the contents onto her plate. The mother, again half-heartedly, told her not to do that but did not move an inch to really stop her daughter. I took the bowl away and matter-of-factly told the girl that the nuts were for everybody to share. I felt funny afterwards, as her mother was right there. Though I did not raise my voice or speak to "sternly", as I was rather matter-of-fact in my dealings with her, I still felt like maybe I overstepped my bounds and should have just let her DD finish off the nuts? Besides from the issue of sharing, I was genuiunely concerned that it was too much for her little body to handle (but maybe she has a stomach of steel?).
Later in the evening, when it was time for cake, her DD wanted to blow out the candle. Understandable that a young child would want to join in the fun but it is also an opportunity to learn that it is another child's turn to be in the spotlight. Again, her mother was right there and said nothing. She left it to me to tell her DD that it was my DD's birthday and it was her candle to blow out and that she can blow out candles on her own birthday. I had to physically block her daughter's face from the candle, as she proceeded to try to blow out the candle before my DD had a chance. Another half-hearted exclamation by the mother followed.
There were a few more incidents over the course of the evening. And a couple of times after I matter-of-factly dealt with her DD, "It's good for her to hear others tell her like that". You think? I hardly had time to enjoy watching my DD enjoy her party as I was constantly dealing with this other little girl, which should have been her mother's job. And she wonders why she has trouble getting her DD to listen to her? She obviously does not even try.
Our DDs only recently became friends and part of me is sorry that they did as I already have started to develop negative feelings towards the girl (which I know should be directed at her mother as the little girl clearly does not know any better). Fortunately, we are moving this week and will no longer have contact with this girl and her mother.
Neverthless, I still feel like I was put in an awkward position and maybe I should have just let her DD do whatever she wanted/was permitted to do, as long it did not cause anybody else real harm? The only incident that was clearly beyond the bounds was the candle, which I cannot imagine handling any differently. But otherwise perhaps I should have just left her mother to "parent" her as she sees fit even if it is in my house?
Flash forward...I put out some snacks and drinks. It was to be a small party (2 families, with a total of 4 kids), so I did not have an unlimited supply of each snack. Her DD started to scarf down one of the bowls of nuts. Admittedly they are yummy and hard to put down. She was encouraging my DD to follow suit. I gently told my DD that the nuts were for everybody to share and she had enough. She stopped eating the nuts. The other girl's mother half-heartedly told her to stop eating the nuts as well, but she did not stop. I finally took the bowl, when it was half gone, and suggested putting some on plates for each of them, then put the bowl in the middle of the dining table, away from where we were sitting. Her DD climbed up on the table (!) and took the bowl and proceeded to pour the contents onto her plate. The mother, again half-heartedly, told her not to do that but did not move an inch to really stop her daughter. I took the bowl away and matter-of-factly told the girl that the nuts were for everybody to share. I felt funny afterwards, as her mother was right there. Though I did not raise my voice or speak to "sternly", as I was rather matter-of-fact in my dealings with her, I still felt like maybe I overstepped my bounds and should have just let her DD finish off the nuts? Besides from the issue of sharing, I was genuiunely concerned that it was too much for her little body to handle (but maybe she has a stomach of steel?).
Later in the evening, when it was time for cake, her DD wanted to blow out the candle. Understandable that a young child would want to join in the fun but it is also an opportunity to learn that it is another child's turn to be in the spotlight. Again, her mother was right there and said nothing. She left it to me to tell her DD that it was my DD's birthday and it was her candle to blow out and that she can blow out candles on her own birthday. I had to physically block her daughter's face from the candle, as she proceeded to try to blow out the candle before my DD had a chance. Another half-hearted exclamation by the mother followed.
There were a few more incidents over the course of the evening. And a couple of times after I matter-of-factly dealt with her DD, "It's good for her to hear others tell her like that". You think? I hardly had time to enjoy watching my DD enjoy her party as I was constantly dealing with this other little girl, which should have been her mother's job. And she wonders why she has trouble getting her DD to listen to her? She obviously does not even try.
Our DDs only recently became friends and part of me is sorry that they did as I already have started to develop negative feelings towards the girl (which I know should be directed at her mother as the little girl clearly does not know any better). Fortunately, we are moving this week and will no longer have contact with this girl and her mother.
Neverthless, I still feel like I was put in an awkward position and maybe I should have just let her DD do whatever she wanted/was permitted to do, as long it did not cause anybody else real harm? The only incident that was clearly beyond the bounds was the candle, which I cannot imagine handling any differently. But otherwise perhaps I should have just left her mother to "parent" her as she sees fit even if it is in my house?
I cannot begin to understand why they won't. No is not a bad word! It can be explained nicely but firmly - as you did. You can physically help them if needed - by moving the nuts or standing between her and the birthday candle.
You also gave the mom opportunities to parent her own child. It was your house and your rules. My DD is allowed to jump on our furniture but at other people's house's I respect their rules and parent DD accordingly.
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You could choose to focus on that. Perhaps you can more carefully monitor who your child makes friends with at your new home, if you think that would reduce your stress. However, now that I think of it, that might backfire too over the long run. 
A host shouldn't have to have a limitless supply of food for a party just in case one guest decides to gorge themselves.
