I don't get it...belly rubbing.... - Page 2

[MaterPrimaePuellae]

Here's what I just posted in my DDC. I think for some people, pregnancy makes them want to just embrace the whole world. Personally, pregnancy makes me feel very private and anti-social. I don't even want to go out to the grocery store most day, just because being around so many people kindof annoys me

While pregnant, I am a lot less tolerant of touch period, and I don't like ANYONE rubbing my stomach. Not friends, not family, nobody. This is partially because, yes, right now my stomach is mostly just flabbiness-- but even when it gets bigger and more "toned" seeming, I view the belly-rubbing as just one more way that society stops viewing mothers as personal agents and more as just... vessels, or something. I mean, if a stranger (or even a friend/family member) came up to me non-pregnant and rubbed my stomach? Totally inappropriate and weird. Pregnant, and it just seems "cute" to people If Dh just walks by and pats me as says, "How's the baby?" then that's great and cute-- but the guys you see on baby story sometimes who spend the whole OB appt or lamaze class or whatever just rubbing and rubbing and rubbing the wife's stomach? Not cool with me at all.

Now, once baby is kicking, I certainly expect that my mother/sister/etc will want to feel some kicking, which (though, still, I find it weird!) I don't mind if they ask.

Oh-- one exception. I don't mind children touching my stomach at all. DD I don't mind (of course!) but a little boy on the playground reached up and patted me when he heard me say I had a baby in there, and that just seemed cute.

[limette]

I put other.

Belly rubbing has no relevance to me at all. I don't think anything of it when it happens and it certainly doesn't dwell on my mind.

It's clearly a personal space issue for those that hate. Some people don't want to be touched by others. No biggie. For me, if it makes you happy to touch my pregnant belly then go right ahead. I really don't care.

[HappiLeigh]

I put other. Friends and family are welcome to rub my belly. Strangers are just NOT.

[Maela]

I don't mind if it's someone I know and they specifically ask beforehand if they can feel the baby move. I love sharing the baby's movements. I do not like just random touches or rubs unless it's Dh or Dd. It's my stomach! I don't know it just feels like an invasion of my personal space. I have a couple of people in my life who touch/rub my stomach every time I see them. and if I'm resting my hand on my stomach, they immediately come over and starting touching it too so they can feel the baby move - when usually he's not even moving. I would just like to be able to touch my own stomach without that being an invitation for every one else to do it. I'm too passive to say anything about it to them, because i'm afraid of looking cranky.


Whew, sorry I guess I needed to vent.

[Mama Lo]

I didn't mind people touching my stomach, but my father in law would touch and linger, which creeped me out. It would put his hand on my stomach and just stand there rubbing, made me feel slightly violated. Dh finally said had to say something to him about it! After those experiences my rule was "no lingering".

[her_story]

After having a 2nd trimester loss and a subsequent miscarriage, I would maybe stare a little too long at pregnant women in the grocery... but I would never touch their belly. To co-workers I would ask if I could touch their belly, but wouldn't linger (then the tears would come)...

With this pregnancy I am sure to proudly display my growing belly. I don't mind lingering stares, instead I greet them with a smile! So far only one touch from a co-worker which was unexpected, but comforting...

Just remember that many women (and men) have been touched by loss and are jealous of your growing bump. Sometimes a touch is the only thing they have to connect them to the little one that they have lost.

[sunshadow]

The first person, other than my husband, to tough my belly when I was pregnant with my daughter was my brother's girlfriend. She lives in Mexico and she told me that there it is considered good luck if someone rubs your belly when you are pregnant. So, even though I am a very private person and must have my personal space, I always remember that when someone touches my belly and enjoy.

[november]

I *hate* it. But only because I am NOT a touchy feely person at all when I'm not pregnant so random people touching my belly just icks me out.

[notjustmamie]

I chose "other." I hate it if it's a stranger--if you don't know me well enough to give me a hug, you have no business rubbing my belly. I don't particularly like when friends/relatives do it, but I don't hate it as an invasion of space like I would a stranger. I would prefer if ANYONE would ask, then a gentle pat if I give permission.

The funny thing is, I'm generally an especially touchy-feely type person, but I get picky about who touches me and how when I'm pregnant.

[*Erin*]

i don't mind it,myself, either, but i may feel differently if it had happened a whole lot?

[staceychev]

Honestly, I find my belly to be a very intimate part of my body, and just because there's a baby there doesn't mean it's any less my body. There's something really irksome, and I almost have a physical aversion to it. I actually find people touching it to be quite invasive... it doesn't help that it's never people close to me (other than DS or DD), but rather colleagues who I don't have a close relationship to, or friends of friends, etc. I even had a completely random stranger come up and touch my belly at the mall when I was pregnant with my first.

[gcgirl]

I put other just because I don't think anyone has touched my belly or even ASKED to touch my belly, so I can't really relate.

[DeChRi]

It's funny, as I have NO personal space issues when not pregnant. But when pregnant I cannot stand to be touched anywhere in the belly region. I can tolerate my kiddos or DH okay, but honestly, I really close off around my midsection when pregnant....protective maybe? I am normally I toucher.

[cocoanib]

I don't mind belly rubs at all. People mean well and I like feeling the love from folks.

[Sailor]

I don't mind my mom or dp rubbing my belly. Well, I don't have a belly yet. But, I wouldn't mind having them rub it.

However, I'm an introvert and a recluse and asocial. I hate having other people touch me. My personal space is my own, and the last thing I want is strangers or acquaintances trying to touch my belly. It's mine - hands off, darn it!

[staceychev]

One thing that's interesting is that many PPs who don't mind it have said about people's good intentions or feeling the love, or something like that. I guess if you don't feel this way it's hard to understand, but my muscles actually tense and cringe when someone touches me that way. Sure, I can feel, emotionally, that they're doing it out of love and happiness, and I can, on an intellectual level, totally get it. But it's hard when my body has an actual phsyical reaction to it.

I wonder why some of us who have posted feel this physical aversion, and others don't? Very interesting.

[SunShineSally]

Originally Posted by staceychev

One thing that's interesting is that many PPs who don't mind it have said about people's good intentions or feeling the love, or something like that. I guess if you don't feel this way it's hard to understand, but my muscles actually tense and cringe when someone touches me that way. Sure, I can feel, emotionally, that they're doing it out of love and happiness, and I can, on an intellectual level, totally get it. But it's hard when my body has an actual phsyical reaction to it.

I wonder why some of us who have posted feel this physical aversion, and others don't? Very interesting.

I was thinking the same thing. what causes some to love and I know a girl who almost craved belly rubs then others like myself get negative physical emotional reactions? Or just cannot stand it?

Also I wish I loved when someone family or not touches my belly but I feel that physical tenseing up for my body and emotionally I get nervous! Honestly as I said in my PP that Ds and my little nephews are the only ones who I do not react that way to. Maybe because they are so innocent? The oddest part for me is that I am a cuddley touchy feely person except when pregnant I become very very much an introvert and anti social my sister had the same reaction with her boys odd huh?

[stephanie95]

I don't get why people need to touch my belly. You wouldn't touch it if I wasn't pregnant so why do you feel it's OK to touch it now? To me it's about as random as rubbing my ear. You wouldn't walk up to anyone and rub their ear, no matter how good of a friend they are. Even if they did have beautiful earrings in to admire. You still wouldn't touch their ear. Why is the pregnant belly different?

[Mommy2Austin]

I think it might have to do with feeling like your body has been taken over by the wee one inside you and then to have people infringe on your already "crowded" space can just set some people off.

It annoys me when some people (strangers and family/friends alike) do it to me. I have no problem if a person *ASKS* to touch my belly or feel the belly, but someone not asking and just rubbing up on my abdomen is uncomfortable, ackward and just not nice!

[ann_of_loxley]

I wonder why some of us who have posted feel this physical aversion, and others don't? Very interesting.

Yes - this is turning out to be a very interesting thread! hehe

Thanks for all the replies so far