We just had our baby September 25th and at nine days out I am feeling all weepy when I think about all I have to do, get done, or when I spend time with DD1 who is 7, you can tell she is upset about DD2 but keeps telling me "I'm fine". Clearly she is not as we both had a meltdown tonight which ended up with her telling me she does not like her sister. I feel like I am betraying DD1 by spending any time with DD2 who is BF so naturally I am with her a lot. Also, I don't really feel the connection I did with DD1 and that came almost instantly with the first daughter. Why not the second? I am afraid to gush or coo at the baby or even to give her kisses too much in front of DD1 because everyone is already making such a deal over the new baby that I feel like that is contributing to my first feeling left out, abandoned and forgotten. Even though she has not used these words, I am very tuned in with her and feel as though this is how the situation is affecting her. I ended up in the bathroom just sobbing as I don't know what to do. I love them both but can't really speak to anyone because I will just cry. I don't have feelings of wanting to hurt either of them but I do have feelings of wanting to just "get away" from the whole new atmosphere at our house right now. I can't really reassure DD1 when I feel so unsure right now and I feel as though hubbie just doesn't get it. I do see a therapist and will be seeing her Tuesday. I don't know much about PPD and did have what I called the baby blues with my first right about this time. The two pregnancy's were completely different with my first being a classic textbook pregnancy and my second being a very harsh reality check with many physical and emotional battles. Also, I feel guilt-major guilt. Like I keep asking myself "What have I done? Why did I have another child when we were doing fine before?" This leads to guilt because I want my second baby, I love her and I could enjoy her if I didn't feel so depressed and guilty. Help me to understand this...
post #1 of 3
10/5/09 at 2:14am