Apparently this turned into a rant somwhere along the line, so please forgive me.
I feel a little beat up these days. I am fine and don't even think about it one minute and the next I just feel like lying down all day. Luckily for me I have a 3 year old who won't even let me sit! We went to a local botanical garden/park yesterday with my friend who was pregnant at the same time as me both times. So she has a daughter my son's age and a new daughter that would have been about the same age as the first one I lost. We had a lot of fun, I ran all over with the kids, but when I got home I felt like crap.
The waiting for action is the worst thing ever. At least with the last mc, even though I had already lost the baby, I didn't know until the bleeding started. This time I know he's gone, but I have to wait for blood. I swear I'll never be able to stop looking at toilet paper! I've been looking since I conceived my son! Isn't that weird? The last mc was so absolutely horrible that I still can't talk about it. (It's even tough to write that!) I had thought I would get a d+c this time, but I can't bring myself to do it. If in 2 wks when I go in again nothing has happened, I suppose I'll have to do it.
I don't even know if I can do this again. I mean if I get pregnant again and have yet another mc? Oh man I can't even tell you. I'd have to be institutionalized! My poor son is still talking about his baby brother in there and trying to look in my belly button (He wanted a brother bad, since I figured I had a 50% chance on having a boy, I figured I wouldn't say anything until we knew for sure
). I would rather never be pregnant again if I knew I couldn't keep it...
Another thing that has really upset me...when I saw the doctor on Tuesday, she told me "I would have told you he (I hate using "it") wasn't going to make it at your last appt." Can you imagine? So she didn't see me last time, just the nurse who gave me false hope for the past 2 wks, even when I knew
something was wrong, she told me they were seeing just what they should see. They knew it was a lost cause 2 wks ago!! I would have been all the way to crazy and back by now!
Plus they took 11 vials of blood to test for everything on the planet, and no call back. (The girl told me she has never taken that much blood from one person before) Can you imagine? I know they are busy, but if you take that much blood I should F'n get dinner out of the deal at least! I know they only call if they find a problem, but come on!