* Bitter Sushi Ladies ~ October * - Page 17

[Pinoikoi]

I got back from the OB today.. good news! We saw a little heartbeat going like crazy.. It was so weird they could actually zoom in a bit at one point and I swear I saw the individual heart chambers.. My date seems right on, too. My edd by temping was June 21, by measurements they came up with June 20.

I thought since my last loss that I would end up all weepy or run to school and tell everyone I know, but mostly I have just kept it to myself still.

[enigo]

Yayyyyyyyyyyyy for heartbeats!!

[MaerynPearl]

Pinoikoi oh that is awesome!

AFM just a quickie before I grab a shower and hit the road again...

had a double decker bus (first time on one!) to Chicago, a train (first time on one!) to Kalamazoo, hung out in a gay bar (first time in one) to celebrate their win (anti-discrimination ordinance win, big win for the community!!!) then drove for several hours with DFs mother. We are in a hotel somewhere in Ohio ready to drive another 10 hours or so and get a hotel room in either Wilmington near the beach or Atlantic City on the beach. Votes?

[kel32brown]

Pinokoi! That is absolutely awesome! I rejoice at heartbeat news.

AFM - I have developed an intolerance for the "we've been trying for 3 whole months, WHY is it not my turn, I've been TTC for so long" line. Three whole... months. 90 days?

I've waited longer for a garden to grow. ::sigh::: Three years now, thankyouverymuch. I really should take some tylenol for this headache.

[Nanette56]

Pinokoi

SOOO HAPPY FOR YOU! What a relief!!! Next on our agenda...are we celebrating with Pinks and Yellows or Blues and Greens?

[HulaJenn]

deleted

[LZP]

HulaJenn- thanks for stopping by to our little thread here. First, I find that you have a lot to offer here at MDC, and have even given me some good advice, and I really appreciate that! While some of our comments might not be PC, for those of us who have been waiting SO long (read: a time longer than 6 months and most of us longer than a year) this thread is a safe place to vent those feelings, and support each other.

everyone is entitled to vent their frustrations no matter how long the road has been.

That's right, we're entitled to vent our frustrations.. And we do. RE: comments regarding 3 months- we have each tried for 3 months, at least 3 times over. Some of us have been waiting that long to even be ABLE to TTC. Our journey is LONG, our journey is different. And we acknowledge that some women are blessed with quick, uneventful conception and pregnancy. that doesnt mean that we have to be overjoyed every time we hear of such an experience. Our own journeys have been pointed with tests, pokes, prods, loss, grief, and intense confusion- something that a person who hasnt experienced it just can't understand, nor can they judge.


Please read the first post in the thread- the "disclaimer" if you will:
Most of us are former TTC 6+ Month ladies. And at this point, many of us are at or past 12 months, many have had losses, many are dealing with various forms of infertility, and some are just in a waiting period until they can TTC again.

The name? Well... we tend to be a little bitter sometimes. So read with care . And due to everything, our emotions run a little raw . This TTC business is something that seems to "just happen" for so many... but we just can't get "it" right. So this is where we can "be together", share and express anything.

We request that if people would like to post in this thread, they understand the spirit of it, and understand the purpose here: to offer support, encouragement, and a safe, NON JUDGING place. And those who can't offer supportive, constructive comments, then well... they dont have to offer up anything at all. The title says it all, and those who arent really "getting" our general mood around here are free to avoid the thread, without comment.

[enigo]

Sing it sister!

You know now I have the issue of trying to decide whether I should wait a few months or not. Last mc I waited a cycle or two to TTC again and then it ended up taking forever! It still ended in another mc. I may as well have tried right away. I am actually thinking about TTC as soon as I O again. I had thought I would wait 3 months and pump myself with vitamins. (If you saw my counter you would freak!)

Oh I dunno now...Maybe we should just BD at O time and let it figure itself out. I wish there were a way to know if any more mc were in my future. That way I could just give up and go hide in a corner

[HulaJenn]

Originally Posted by LZP

HulaJenn- thanks for stopping by to our little thread here. First, I find that you have a lot to offer here at MDC, and have even given me some good advice, and I really appreciate that! While some of our comments might not be PC, for those of us who have been waiting SO long (read: a time longer than 6 months and most of us longer than a year) this thread is a safe place to vent those feelings, and support each other. That's right, we're entitled to vent our frustrations.. And we do. RE: comments regarding 3 months- we have each tried for 3 months, at least 3 times over. Some of us have been waiting that long to even be ABLE to TTC. Our journey is LONG, our journey is different. And we acknowledge that some women are blessed with quick, uneventful conception and pregnancy. that doesnt mean that we have to be overjoyed every time we hear of such an experience. Our own journeys have been pointed with tests, pokes, prods, loss, grief, and intense confusion- something that a person who hasnt experienced it just can't understand, nor can they judge.


Please read the first post in the thread- the "disclaimer" if you will:
Most of us are former TTC 6+ Month ladies. And at this point, many of us are at or past 12 months, many have had losses, many are dealing with various forms of infertility, and some are just in a waiting period until they can TTC again.

The name? Well... we tend to be a little bitter sometimes. So read with care . And due to everything, our emotions run a little raw . This TTC business is something that seems to "just happen" for so many... but we just can't get "it" right. So this is where we can "be together", share and express anything.

We request that if people would like to post in this thread, they understand the spirit of it, and understand the purpose here: to offer support, encouragement, and a safe, NON JUDGING place. And those who can't offer supportive, constructive comments, then well... they dont have to offer up anything at all. The title says it all, and those who arent really "getting" our general mood around here are free to avoid the thread, without comment.

Sorry you are right Lyndzies. I wouldn't normally frequent this thread, but Mae directed those that wanted to hear about her travels over to this thread. Hence my thread crashing.
My apologies for what seems inappropriate in this thread. I was not trying to be hurtful.
Like I said I was defensive because of my own situation and took the comment as a personal "attack" of sorts on my own situation which is quite unreasonable on my part.
ETA: I will remove my post

[Jane]

When I miscarried in April, I gave myself the salve that, as long as I was pregnant by my due date, December 5, I'd be okay. That's also my 12 month ttc date, ish. December feels so fast approaching. I feel bitter now some days, that's new for me. Previously, I could really be joyful when holding newborn babies and be there for my clients experiencing unplanned pregnancies. Mostly that's still true, but I'm feeling the edges of dark and bitter sink in. I guess I should join the bitter ladies now.
Part of it is inability to plan things. I can't plan a reasonable maternity leave when I'm not pregnant. Will I ever be pregnant again? I just turned down a huge job offer because it's not compatible with my childrearing goals and ideals. But, should I be grateful for the opportunity to make ivf money? Arggh. My ability to pretend to be zen about the whole thing is rapidly falling apart.

[Tear78]

Originally Posted by Apricot

When I miscarried in April, I gave myself the salve that, as long as I was pregnant by my due date, December 5, I'd be okay. That's also my 12 month ttc date, ish. December feels so fast approaching. I feel bitter now some days, that's new for me. Previously, I could really be joyful when holding newborn babies and be there for my clients experiencing unplanned pregnancies. Mostly that's still true, but I'm feeling the edges of dark and bitter sink in. I guess I should join the bitter ladies now.
Part of it is inability to plan things. I can't plan a reasonable maternity leave when I'm not pregnant. Will I ever be pregnant again? I just turned down a huge job offer because it's not compatible with my childrearing goals and ideals. But, should I be grateful for the opportunity to make ivf money? Arggh. My ability to pretend to be zen about the whole thing is rapidly falling apart.

Apricot, I've been following you with empathy on the One. You are most welcome here, although I'm sorry you're going through this bitter journey. I agree with LZP and enigo, and everybody...this little crew is a safe haven for bitterness that we don't want to direct AT others, but that is still building inside of us. There's nothing wrong with letting it out in a safe way, surrounded by people who "get it," so that you are able to continue on with your regular life. I remembered that you work with newborns and I admire your courage to continue as your desire for your own little bean grows. Several of us here have been through m/c and passing due dates. My heart goes out to you, and I hope that you, like myself, find some sense of peace as that date passes. The bitterness doesn't go away, but regular life asserts itself more I think as that milestone is no longer staring you in the face like a deadline. I hope you're pregnant before you hit it. Sorry for the ramble. The bottom line is, welcome.

ps - sorry for my absence. My hubby is back and I'm so happy to spend time with him! I'm 5dpo and this progesterone seems to be working (my temps are sky high)....OR I'm coming down/fight off H1N1. I'm surrounded by it all day at school, so it might be the latter. argh!

[Jane]

Thank you Tear. I appreciate it deeply.

[enigo]

This last mc, I got pregnant ON my due date for the first mc. Gawd, I hope I don't have to wait until May to get pregnant again.

I just did a spin class at the gym. Incredible! Dark room, loud loud music with music videos...I needed that. Then...there was a video by Fuel called Hemmorage...let's just say there is a scene where a woman is lying on the ground holding her stomach. I almost hyperventilated. I'm such a fricken mess

[jessica_s]

Originally Posted by enigo

Then...there was a video by Fuel called Hemmorage...let's just say there is a scene where a woman is lying on the ground holding her stomach. I almost hyperventilated. I'm such a fricken mess

AHH!! I cried at work today because someone I kinda knew a long time ago had a miscarriage. I probably would have passed out or thrown up at that video, not sure which.

[enigo]

Yeah thankfully it was dark so no one saw me choking back tears!
It occured to me last night that if I continue to do the spin class, I will have to see that video every time. Funny the lead singer looks like a grown up version of my 3 yr old son with white hair and bright blue eyes.

[kel32brown]

My dear friend sent me an email to let me know she passed her baby in a miscarriage, the night before the scheduled d&c. She said, she thought that since it was her second one it would be easier, emotionally. And she has 4 living children.

It doesn't get easier. It doesn't matter how many children you have (adopted, born, or stepparenting).

Every little pregnancy milestone is a treasure, but now it's fraught with (BUT.. I miscarried that one when I was this far too.. so I'll hold out until we pass that additional milestone).

I wish I had the innocence I once had.. that solid knowledge that a bfp becomes a baby, and you just have to endure aches and pains and nausea and irritability for 9 months, then poof.. you deliver a live child and live happily ever after.

In the meantime, I take great consolation in the fact that I adore snuggling other people's babies and I smile when I see roundly pregnant women looking like a pear waiting to be picked off the tree. I still find joy in their pregnancies and I pray I get a chance at one more before old eggs knocks me out of the game.

[YummyYumYumMama]

congratulations praying4baby!!! wishing you a happy and healthy pregnancy!

Originally Posted by Carlyle

Oh YAAAAAAAAYYYYYY!

Originally Posted by enigo

Go YYYM!!!!!!!

Originally Posted by Nanette56

YYYM I had a feeling those condoms would go out the window! Yay for DH finally coming around! I'm psyched for you

thanks ladies! nanette, i would forget the fertility monitor (i wrote "ferget the fortility monitor," oy) even with temping! at night before bed, i started laying a stick out on top of the toilet or by the sink so that i'd remember to use it.

Originally Posted by LZP

i'd much rather be "inconvenienced" by a pregnancy than put it off only to wonder "what if this was the cycle?"

you are definitely right. maybe i won't take vitex this month, since it may be what's responsible for making my ovulation date a bit earlier the past two months... but i'm undecided on that still. i'll probably blather about that later.

Originally Posted by LZP

and I'd be delighted if you could take over the thread... would you mind?

Originally Posted by lisko15

Anyway, YYYM I'd be thrilled if you took over the thread!

okay, i think this month i would be a terrible threadmistress, as i keep NOT logging on. i started this new p/t job (and i bring DD with me), so i've been having a little bit of trouble remembering how to give myself "me time." i can't promise i'll be any better any time this month. so... anyone else? anyone? bueller?

Originally Posted by LZP

(Not that I'd mind not being able to drink wine at Christmas dinner this year - or Thanksgiving, for that matter!!!!) I'll take MS while making holiday cookies this year- GLADLY!!! I"LL TAKE IT!!!! PLEASE!!!

: that we will both be drinking juice on new year's eve!

Originally Posted by LZP

Now i am feeling the (ill) effects, and am actually excited to get back on the wagon of eating healthy, cooking at home, and just generally taking care of myself again.

oh, and my neighbor went in yesterday to "have the baby" I think she was either induced, or had a CS. I'm not sure, and obviously, they didnt tell me about it. DH overheard the neighbor's husband talking to another neighbor about it loudly outside.

I am actually a bit excited about it, which is strange. i wish i knew if it was a boy or a girl...! it'd be nice to make something for the little one. maybe this is more of what I need... her PP horemones surging around in the neighborhood to get me knocked up? Oh how i wish I could just stop thinking about it.

good for you - sounds like a great outlook, in terms of taking care of yourself and also in terms of thinking of that new baby on the block as some extra baby dust your way.

Originally Posted by lisko15

AFM - I've been super sick.

i hope you're feeling much better!

Originally Posted by BelovedK

I will also say that it is a year for me now. even though the dream is lost, I still get a bit upset that we passed the year mark with great timing every month and no baby to show for it (but 2 heartbreaks) I know you ladies understand and many of you have also passed that year mark. I think that is why I am so emotional

Originally Posted by Pinoikoi

I got back from the OB today.. good news! We saw a little heartbeat going like crazy..

Originally Posted by enigo

You know now I have the issue of trying to decide whether I should wait a few months or not. Last mc I waited a cycle or two to TTC again and then it ended up taking forever! It still ended in another mc. I may as well have tried right away. I am actually thinking about TTC as soon as I O again.

they say you are more fertile right afterwards, but just do what feels right to you. i think that trying right after or not trying right after, unless your doctor has a differing opinion, really only depends on what you feel most comfortable with.

Originally Posted by enigo

Then...there was a video by Fuel called Hemmorage...let's just say there is a scene where a woman is lying on the ground holding her stomach. I almost hyperventilated. I'm such a fricken mess

oh my god, i haven't seen that video in years, but i vividly remember it.

Originally Posted by Apricot

I guess I should join the bitter ladies now.

Originally Posted by kel32brown

I wish I had the innocence I once had.. that solid knowledge that a bfp becomes a baby, and you just have to endure aches and pains and nausea and irritability for 9 months, then poof.. you deliver a live child and live happily ever after.

In the meantime, I take great consolation in the fact that I adore snuggling other people's babies and I smile when I see roundly pregnant women looking like a pear waiting to be picked off the tree. I still find joy in their pregnancies and I pray I get a chance at one more before old eggs knocks me out of the game.

sending good vibes your way! and i hope your cyst is going away.

tear, that this month's progesterone works fine without any issues whatsoever, and that those lovely temps have nothing to do with swine flu!

afm, nothing exciting. on CD4 and wondering if i should take soy CD5-9, take vitex until O, or not take either one this month and just see what my body does on its own. a year ago i was hoping i'd be able to either have a baby or at least be pregnant by DD's 2nd birthday (which is in just over a month), so this month is the last shot. i hope we make it, but we'll see.i'd love for that to happen, but i know that it might not, and even knowing that i already know how disappointed i will be if it doesn't work out. which is silly, because it's such an arbitrary date, and if it doesn't happen by then it will still happen SOME day. so we'll just see. i am just glad that the condoms are out of the picture!

oh, and vitex question for anyone out there - my bottle says to take all month long except during AF, but i read somewhere else (and maybe from some of you) that it isn't meant to be taken like that. either it should only be taken until O, or something else entirely that i can't remember. thoughts?

[Nanette56]

YYYM When I took Vitex, I was told to take it until O, and to discontinue after O, and then pick it back up again after AF ended....and I put the sticks right in front of the toilet, so hopefully that will help- if DS doesn't move them when he uses our potty (he's got his own, and he still uses ours!!-gah!)

AFM- My appointment with the RE is tomorrow at 8am EST. Nervous as hell. Wish me luck...I will report back tomorrow afternoon and let ya'll know what happened. It's a first appointment, so doubt that anything substantial will be resolved, but at least we'll have a "plan."

Have a great night ladies

[Tear78]

Originally Posted by Nanette56

AFM- My appointment with the RE is tomorrow at 8am EST. Nervous as hell. Wish me luck...I will report back tomorrow afternoon and let ya'll know what happened. It's a first appointment, so doubt that anything substantial will be resolved, but at least we'll have a "plan."

Good luck today! We have our first fertility appointment on Monday. ahhhh!

[Lauren31]

Originally Posted by Tear78

Good luck today! We have our first fertility appointment on Monday. ahhhh!

ahhhh!!!! Excited for you!!! I get my rhogam shot on Monday. Let's hope we both have GOOD appts. I hope you get all the answers you are looking for