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* Bitter Sushi Ladies ~ October * - Page 5

post #81 of 351
Oh, Enigo.
post #82 of 351
I'm so sorry for your loss Enigo.
post #83 of 351

De-lurking.

Enigo, I'm so sorry for your loss... My thoughts and prayers are with you

Hi ladies. I've been lurking for a while now, trying to decide whether I belong here or not. I have never had a miscarriage or a loss. The closest I've gotten to that kind of emotional trauma is my best friend losing her twins at 25 months, and helping her bury them after two years on the TTC rollercoaster. In comparison my own story is a lot less heart-rending. I've just been riding the TTC rollercoaster for a very long while. I was in denial for a while, telling myself we've only been actively trying since February, but I'm finally admitting that I should've gotten pregnant last year or the year before when we weren't preventing. My five year old asks me every day when God is sending his little brother. I finally made an appointment with the RE to see what's going on. (Appointment is Nov 5) Hoping to find some support here. The last straw came last night when (yet another) close friend who's been trying for only 2 months and just got of B/C two months ago told me she was *surprise* pregnant. You all know the feeling: Trying to feel happy while you're dying inside, and then the guilt you feel over feeling sad about someone else's little miracle...etc...etc... After a good cry and a pity party, I just felt I needed the support of someone who understands. Thanks girls.
post #84 of 351
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nanette56 View Post
Hi ladies. I've been lurking for a while now, trying to decide whether I belong here or not. I have never had a miscarriage or a loss. I've just been riding the TTC rollercoaster for a very long while. I was in denial for a while, telling myself we've only been actively trying since February, but I'm finally admitting that I should've gotten pregnant last year or the year before when we weren't preventing. My five year old asks me every day when God is sending his little brother. I finally made an appointment with the RE to see what's going on. (Appointment is Nov 5) Hoping to find some support here. The last straw came last night when (yet another) close friend who's been trying for only 2 months and just got of B/C two months ago told me she was *surprise* pregnant. You all know the feeling: Trying to feel happy while you're dying inside, and then the guilt you feel over feeling sad about someone else's little miracle...etc...etc... After a good cry and a pity party, I just felt I needed the support of someone who understands. Thanks girls.
We havent all had losses, though many of us have... this is formerly the TTC 6+ months thread but we felt that since many of us have reached 12+ month mark and didnt want to leave we would just change the name lol.

You are certainly more than qualified to be hanging around here!

Good luck with your RE appointment, hopefully all that is needed done is an HSG to clean out your pipes! LOL I hear a LOT of good comes from them!
post #85 of 351
Enigo, I am so so sorry. sending love and caring thoughts to you and your family.
post #86 of 351
Oh if I was bitter before, you should see me now!!

I'll be OK eventually. They took 11 vials of blood! Lemme just say I hate having blood drawn, but I also want to find out what's going on. Just wait until I get pregnant again. I was a basket case this time around, imagine the next? Ho..man, now I have to wait for something to happen.
I was going to quit if I found out I had lost the baby....but now I'm pissed. This means war!
post #87 of 351

and again, longest post alive

Nanette- I have been not so secretly stalking your charts every cycle for months now, and aching for you. I'm glad you decided to come here, it's a supportive place. Seeing the daily announcements in some of the other threads is too much for me now, I just have a few stalkees that I check on a few times a week in there.

Court- to you and your DH. as selfish as it seems, I remind myself that our child(ren) will be that much more loved and appreciated, bc we've waited so long to hold them. Not that other parents dont love their children... but well, you know.

Tear- to you too... we needs lots of these this week, it seems. I know you like taking your temp, but have you considered maybe just temping a few days after O to confirm it, and then just leaving the thermo in a drawer until like 16 DPO? its just a suggestion, and maybe it will help you stress less? you can take it or leave it, i just hate to see you so upset. I want you to be happy again about makin' a little bean.

YYYM- your DH confuses me too! Maybe he means, if it happens, it will be wonderful, but he doesnt want to PLAN to make his life any more chaotic, esp since you've expressed that he doesnt thrive in chaos like some of us do! I hope you have a reaction too, but that it's not too painful!! try using them before you're fertile time, just in case! so then, you can not use them (darn) when you are fertile!

Lis- hello? How are you?

KellyTTC- cant wait till you post those pics- seeing the drywall makes it so real- when you can see the rooms that will hold your family and your memories. YAY!!

kel32brown- hi! hope your tests go well.

Beloved- wow- the dance was awesome- and you were great! thanks for posting that.
and--- hottie! seriously- i hope that you are not trying to lose 15 lbs from THAT.

Carlyle- how you doin? seems like your FP is keeping you quiet too, hun.

Kiya- I can't believe the trip is in only 3 days now!!! that is awesome. please let us know when you start that flickr thing so we can follow along. great plan with the digi test- those things make me NOT want to POAS! at least, if you're vacationing, any news will be easier to digest- it's all better on vacation. have a great time.


jessica - you out there?

ETA: Mae- I'm sorry that weekend visit to DHs parents' house was so tough. It sounds like you have a lot of good plans to keep yourself busy at least through October! once you have a definite date, we can all brainstorm ideas for what you can do to pass each day of November before he comes home..!

AFM, I dont know what is going on. Dh and I were doing great, and now that i think i am f-i-n-a-l-l-y Oing today (yup, false alarm 3 times now) he is in Dallas from this morning until Thursday. and we got in a fight last night. Because he says he wants to be "involved" in the process of TTC even while we're NT/NA, he wanted to know what was going on with the cycle, and he claims to have done reading/research etc... but apparently involvement = having sex with me. nothing more. i TOLD him yesterday morning that i though O was immiment- and he FORGOT by last night.... and i wasnt going to be all pushy, bc i keep track of everything else involving TTC... so he could have that TINY bit of responsibility to at least initiate - and what does he do?! nothing. when i finally reminded him, i was so mad at him for forgetting that i wasnt in the mood anymore. and I already regret it. i shoudl have just sucked it up and laid there. so now, we have YET ANOTHER useless fruitless cycle. and i am having GUSHES of EWCM, of course, to remind me.... i am so starting to be over this entirely.

in other news... we have been car shopping, one of the things that reminds me every day that I have no need for a larger, safer car. that i dont need the LATCH system, that i dont need to care about side curtain airbags in the back, or multi-stage, weight sensitive airbags in the front. Or leather seats that wipe clean, plastic seatbacks that keep off little footprints.... I need none of it. I may as well get a Vespa with a basket in front so i can carry my booze home from the store. bc of course i will be able to drink forever too... (see, there is an upside.)

OK... and THIS is why i shoudl just lurk.....

There are some good things- car shopping is exhausting, but it's fun to drive all the different ones. I ordered some things online to start some christmas gifts, and bought fabric to start those projects. i ordered some herbs and teas that i've been wanting for years and finally splurged on! I'm making my own red wine vinegar. I have a roof over my head, a husband who loves me despite how bad he is at showing it at times, food on my table and in my stomach, and a job. So, things are really pretty good. I just make it out that way to be all dramatic.
post #88 of 351
LZP,

is there the chance you may have some swimmers in there from an earlier BD? If not, I am sorry you missed your chance Though it sounds like the break is doing you good. I am glad you are still hanging out

Yay for a new car

and to answer your question, I gained almost 20 lbs after those pics were taken, so I want to be back there (and I will do it, nothing tastes as good as being thin feels) I have to keep reminding myself that.


afm, I just made an appt with a nutritionist to help me regulate my diet. I stopped eating all meat and have eliminated most animal products, and have been tracking my nutritional intake, I have been getting low protein and iron (and I tend towards anemia) I have added things like lentils, pumpkin seeds, stuff high in protein, but am needing I guess motivation and a plan. I think my insurance covers it (but not my D&C )

If I am going to be pregnant, I want to get the best nutrition, and don't want to gain all of this weight. I feel miserable when I am heavier, my ankles and knees hurt, and my clothes are tight which puts me in a foul mood.

I am pretty excited about it (I just got off the phone with the nutritionist.)

Anyway, I am moving from zen, to to and obsessed. WTH is wrong with me???!!!??? I am 7dpo and want to test tomorrow even though I know that is dumb :-/
post #89 of 351
beloved- the last time we DTD was Friday night... and while I did go right to sleep after, I dont have high hopes that they'll live that long... barring some kind of a miracle, which FOR THE RECORD, UNIVERSE, I DO BELIEVE IN!! <shouts upward>

OK, I'm glad you're not all distorted body-image type. getting back to where you were in the vid is a good, and attainable goal. I want to remind myself of what you just said earlier- nothing tastes as good as being thin feels. bc seriously, i think i eat sometimes like i'm never going to eat again! its bad. that will be one of my new mantras.

you're right, a nutritionist will be able to help you come up with ideas to add protein and iron to your diet. do you like Quinoa? it has lots of protein (for a grain at least) and is filling, a bit nutty tasting, and satisfying! i'm sure you know about this ancient wonder-grain. yum.

i'm glad to see you're not beating yourself up over the weight gain- you've been through quite a bit, and it's OK that one part of your life slipped a little while the rest was less than stellar. the 1-2 lbs per week loss would be great!

OK, off to eat my boring, un-filling lunch now!

i need to do some more make-aheads for the rest of the week.

to all
post #90 of 351
Nice. I have a 48 mm cyst on my ovary so I'm on a rest cycle. It wasn't even induced by meds, since I had the missed miscarriage in July, then waited out August, then September.. now October. I'm not getting any younger, that's for sure.
post #91 of 351
Quote:
Originally Posted by enigo View Post
No heartbeat, no baby, we lost him. Thanks everyone for your support
oh no, oh no no no, honey I'm so sorry I'm grieving with you
post #92 of 351
nanette, I'm glad you joined us. I've been stalking you too, since I got to know you on the One. Welcome!

ladies, I can't respond well right now. DH is leaving tomorrow for Germany for 12 days. to be with his family while his sister gives birth and and cause I can't be there. I just want to be with him right now. Love you ladies!
post #93 of 351
Enigo
post #94 of 351
Quote:
Originally Posted by BelovedK View Post
(and I will do it, nothing tastes as good as being thin feels) I have to keep reminding myself that.
Mines nothing tastes as good as the look on DFs face when he sees me 20 pounds lighter than he left me will feel!
post #95 of 351
enigo......... i am so, so sorry to hear that. thinking of you and sending you healing vibes.

tear and court.

nanette, just wanted to echo that you are welcome here - as for me i haven't had a loss but joined because of the 6+ months thing (okay i may actually have joined at the 5 month mark but whatever) and because i'm feeling really bitter in general about my body and my husband continually getting in the way of my baby-making plans for the past year. it's just nice to have a place to vent that is reserved for the bitter side of TTC, even though the things that have brought us to that state of bitterness may vary widely.

kel... that really, really blows.

: beloved!

have fun, kiya!

ladies, i am impressed by your healthy choices and weight loss stuff... i am so far off the wagon. i need to lose weight and eat healthy, and i just DON'T.

Quote:
Originally Posted by LZP View Post
I may as well get a Vespa with a basket in front so i can carry my booze home from the store. bc of course i will be able to drink forever too
liz, i'm totally sorry, but this mental image made me burst out laughing. i'm still laughing now re-reading it. and - i have so done that, the fight during O time and then the regret/anger about missing the boat. i hope that there are still some sperm hanging out in there!!!

er, sorry if i missed anyone, i'm technically not even supposed to BE HERE on MDC. i told myself no logging back in until i'm working on babymaking, but i'm a crazy stalker so here i am. the most recent condom left me with an awful reaction. we have one brand left in the house and it's a polyurethane condom. once my vaginal irritation subsides, we can try that. if it causes the same issue, DH will have some stuff to think about! if not, well, i can always use a safety pin to poke holes in them. i mean, what?
post #96 of 351
Quote:
Originally Posted by YummyYumYumMama View Post
but i'm a crazy stalker so here i am.
join the club... we really should have our own thread wish-we-could-ttc-and-are-living-vicariously-through-the-rest-of-you-as-stalkers
post #97 of 351
Enigo --so so sorry. You'll be in my prayers.
post #98 of 351
Beloved- so awesome of you to post your dancing, I wanted to say something cheesy like, "well, hello HOT mama!" but I wont Anyways, very cool, looks like it's good for the core. I'll post a video of me vogue-ing later, cause that's about all I can do, lol.

Tear - sorry about the temp drop hon. and about dh being away, ugh. I hope you plan something girly or fun just for you. (and come get me and take me with)


I'm gonna try to do more personals later....

I have a gyno appt. tomorrow, so I'm super nervous, and I'm writing out my list. I'm gonna try to score a hsg, since my insurance will pay for it at this place and not the RE.
post #99 of 351
I'm really far behind - I'm out here!

Oh Enigo I'm absolutely heartbroken for you War is right - ok you motivated me to get my butt going and get my vials of blood taken.

JustKiya - you can do it!! One test, that's a good idea I hope it works!

MaerynPearl - Wishing a safe trip and November to come quickly for you

Court - AF BOOOO and man I know what the calling-to-tell-you-we're-pregnant-without-trying feels like, not good.

Beloved - Wooo nice!

Pinoikoi - those numbers sound good. I like to know what's going on too!

Tear - a big middle finger smiley to your temp drop, we need one of those :/

Nanette - Welcome!! Happy and sorry to have you here, IKYKWIM!

LZP - You had me laughing, a Vespa with a basket! Get a car you love, you deserve that!

I know I'm missing someone, I'm sorry!

AFM - I'm here. It's BDing time but feeling unmotivated. I'm just blah. Not fired up at all. Maybe this is the year slump hitting me. We're BD'ing anyhow and hopefully the planets will align and a miracle will occur but I'm not holding my breath!
post #100 of 351
Catching up after being away for anniversary celebration over the weekend, sorry if I've missed anyone…

Pinoikoi: Congratulations!

Mae: Sorry to hear of the difficult trip to DF’s home. I don’t know exactly what you’re going through, but for what it’s worth, my brother is a Marine who did a tour in Fallujah from 2006-2007. So I know something of how difficult it is to have a loved one over there. (Tangential side note: I lived in Grand Rapids for thirteen years; what area is DF from? My family is in Cascade.)

Beloved: Awesome performance! Is your core style American Tribal, or fusion? I’ve studied the former for about five years! Hope your back is 100% soon.

Tear:

Nanette: Hello!

LZP: Sorry about the DH issues—I hate it when that happens.

KelliSue: Ack—I hope that cyst disappears immediately!

AFM: As I mentioned, DH and I celebrated our anniversary--by totally splurging on a weekend trip to a resort and then getting lost in the woods and having to be rescued (not kidding). And, well, I guess I should share my news. Contrary to all my expectations, the thing I really thought wouldn’t happen actually happened: two days before our tenth anniversary, I got a BFP.

I’m happy…but I’m not over the moon. I can’t go there yet. I didn’t post here about it right away, nor have we told a soul except a server at the resort restaurant, because I don’t feel like I want congrats and --I just can’t bear to go there right now. I so need to stay grounded and maintain some level of nonattachment, because if I lose this one, I just don’t know what I’ll do. I’m trying to be optimistic but stay centered at the same time…and not let myself focus on how scared shitless I am. The time to let myself get excited and, well, attached, will be the first week of December when I make it through the first trimester for the first time. Does that make sense? I feel weird saying that, but it's the truth. Getting pg is just the first step; the scary, difficult part comes next.

Pinoikoi again: I got a BFP the same day you did…I guess we’re pretty darn close cycle-wise. Sending you sticky vibes...
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