Really frustrated with parallel care!!!-LONG

[Youngfrankenstein]

I started seeing my hb mw at about 28 weeks. When I talked to the head CNM at my traditional practice, she recommended doing parallel care to keep my OB chart up to date so that in case of transfer there would be no raised eyebrows, I'd just be a regular patient. This made sense to dh and I and even doing parallel care would be a cost savings for us.

I am totally regretting that now. I seem to have no guts when it comes to getting my way because I don't want to be mean.

I am 33 weeks pg tomorrow and measure 35 cm. This has been normal for me all pregnancy: measuring 2-3 cm ahead. I started at 200# (lost a lot to puking) and today I weighed in at 199.75#. Gaining fine but not a lot. My blood pressure and urine are always fine: I'm healthy.

My second baby is listed as a big old "shoulder dystocia" in my OB chart even though my hb mw says it wasn't a true dystocia. (based on me being on my back, complete induction with an epidural and 'no heroic measures')

The mw tells me today that they will order an ultrasound at 39 weeks because of the SD and I have "big babies". ARG! I have read and learned so much in the last several months that shows all evidence, even the crabby ACOG, that "big baby" isn't a panic button.

I would do anything to assure a healthy baby, but I pay over $300 to have an ultrasound (because of my insurance) and I don't want to pay that if they will tell me I have a big baby and offer me a C-Section (which is policy). There is a .0000001% chance I'd opt for a section....

I just don't want to argue and fight anymore. I know that when I refuse the ultrasound, I will be bullied. Even today I got the "well if the head comes out and the body doesn't that's a horrible situation!" Of course it is!! Does an ultrasound tell me that won't happen? Are there greater risks to have a C-Section? Um...YEP! Would they tell me that???

I'm rambling...I need an emotional boost here....I just feel like this whole maternity system is utterly doomed. I knew it was majorly in trouble when I signed up for a homebirth, but there is no way to escape the vortex!!!!!

[Gena 22]

Grr. That does suck, momma. It's good to have the warning, but try to take things calmly. IF your OB does request a u/s, just politely say no. The tough thing with parallel care is having a thick skin and sticking to your guns. You can do it!

As much as you can, put your feet up, have some tea, and think about your growing babe. Deal with the annoying HCPs when they come and be firm!

[nummies]

I would go to your 38 week appointment. Schedule your 39 week appointment and then call and cancel. That way you are still technically a patient there, but you don't have to be bullied.

[ShwarmaQueen]

Can you dump the OB?

[Lineymom]

Originally Posted by nummies

I would go to your 38 week appointment. Schedule your 39 week appointment and then call and cancel. That way you are still technically a patient there, but you don't have to be bullied.

I second this! That is exactly what I would do.

I'm a fellow Nov HB mom who has big babies, too!!!

[vegasgrl]

When I went to the OB for the genetic counseling a couple weeks back, they wanted me to do a BPP or an NST or something. My copay was $185. I immediately refused because I couldn't afford it, but then I started asking why they wanted to do it. "Well, because you're 33 weeks." WTF?

It was no big to refuse, but my new OB's office is fantastic. I like the other advice you've gotten. I had planned on doing dual care, but I really couldn't handle what you're describing, on top of I can't take so much time off work.

We're almost there. Hang in there!

[Mi_LuBelle]

What exactly do they think they'll be able to determine with the U/S? Last I researched, U/S was notorious for being inaccurate at determining size, weight, etc of a baby at birth.

If I were you I'd be researching and asking the OBs office to provide you with research studies proving the effectiveness of an US to detect shoulder dystocia, prior to shelling out $300 and going through the hassle. Asking for them to provide you with evidence to support their test isn't being rude, it's being smart. You can be polite and still stand up for yourself and your needs

If they can't provide you with the information, I'd go with what the PP said and schedule... then cancel Whoops I just couldn't make it... and leave it at that. No conflict or confrontation to deal with. As long as your HB midwife is ok with your decision not to U/S and you're confident in your decision as well.

[Youngfrankenstein]

Originally Posted by Mi_LuBelle

What exactly do they think they'll be able to determine with the U/S? Last I researched, U/S was notorious for being inaccurate at determining size, weight, etc of a baby at birth.

If I were you I'd be researching and asking the OBs office to provide you with research studies proving the effectiveness of an US to detect shoulder dystocia, prior to shelling out $300 and going through the hassle. Asking for them to provide you with evidence to support their test isn't being rude, it's being smart. You can be polite and still stand up for yourself and your needs

If they can't provide you with the information, I'd go with what the PP said and schedule... then cancel Whoops I just couldn't make it... and leave it at that. No conflict or confrontation to deal with. As long as your HB midwife is ok with your decision not to U/S and you're confident in your decision as well.

You are exactly right. I guess I become a chicken while I'm in the room. DH always says "Why do you need them to LIKE you? You are the consumer."


Thanks for the pep talks, everyone. It's nice not to be alone in this. It's so frustrating to know what you want and be convinced and then get those "you idiot" looks!

[smeep]

Originally Posted by Youngfrankenstein

It's so frustrating to know what you want and be convinced and then get those "you idiot" looks!

Which is the look THEY should be getting! Thinking a u/s can predict dystocia or accurately determine if a woman can birth a baby of a certain estimated size. What a joke.