17 month old hitting...what do do??

[APToddlerMama]

My 17 month old has been hitting many times a day for the past month or so. And by many times, I mean 25-50 times a day. More than half the time, I am not aware even that he is angry until he slaps me across the face. For instance, I answer the phone....slap! I pick up my water to drink (which he very much prefers drinking out of GLASS)...slap! Other times are more predictable...taking him away from the stove, staircase, etc. What I have been doing is repeating "we don't hit mom, we touch mom gently" again and again and again, and also reflecting his feelings ("I see you're feeling frustrated that you can't walk down the steps alone"). Usually as soon as I say this, he swings once again. I hold his hands to stop him from swinging again and repeat the mantra. Usually he fights to get free and then swings again...and so it goes. Often times, I will set him down after all these warnings for anywhere from 10-30 seconds, and then ask him if he's "ready to touch mom gently" and pick him up again. He usually is, but then 10 minutes later, back to hitting. I am not sure if setting him down like this is the right thing to do. Thoughts/suggestions? I do not want to allow this behavior to continue. Someone I know with a phd in psychology told me to hold him facing outwards on my lap and restrain him until he "surrenders" and then let him go. She said also to make very little eye contact with him (which is the opposite of what I do), and told me that what I am doing now is reinforcing his negative behavior. Ugh. This all goes very much against my natural instincts and I don't agree with her, but I don't know hold to stop the behavior, and what I'm doing isn't working. Any suggestions? Maybe he'll outgrow it once he has more language?

[AngeliqueW]

I feel your pain mama...

[holothuroidea]

I somewhat agree with your friend.

A 17 month old does not understand what you are trying to tell them, they only understand that hitting you is a guaranteed way to get eye contact and words from mommy. I don't think you need to hold him down until he "surrenders" but no, you should not give eye contact.

This is what works for me, when you get hit put the baby down. Do not look at them, turn away from them. Let them have a tantrum if they must and wait for their behavior to become acceptable and THEN give them attention.

It is not cruel or unloving to ignore them for a short period of time. It is the clearest way to tell a child who is not verbal, "This behavior is undesirable."

Of course once they are verbally communicative, eye contact and clear instruction like you mentioned are very important. Your baby is not ready for that kind of communication now, though.

[foreverinbluejeans]

This is really common behavior. I help care for my grandson who is 13 months. He has just started hitting his parens. I care for him several afternoons a week and he hasn't hit me.

They used to live with me and I've always been involved with his care. He has just be diagnosed with a genetic immune deficiency disease that I have and his father has. I have been afraid he would have it and have been very sad about the diagnosis. He only has a 64% chance of surviving to age 20.

I have always felt like he has this fragile soul. When I shared this with my youngest son (not the father) he said he knew exactly what I meant. I thought he would say I was crazy. I don't know if he treats me different because I am so gentle with him.

My grandson has a dog and I have 2 dogs. My DIL works long hours so my son and I take care of my grandson most of the time. It started as a joke that the baby was getting "almost as smart as a dog." We have smart dogs. So we have trained the baby to do some things like you would trained a dog. Just for fun. The baby and dogs think it's fun.

If a dog jumps on you when you get home you turn your back and ignore the dog. When the dog doesn't jump on you then you pet the dog and act all happy. You can train a dog very quickly to not jump or not bark. So my son is trying to train the baby not to hit by turning away. It hasn't worked yet. But a 13 month old baby isn't equal in development to a smart dog.

Anyway, here is what Dr. Sears thinks

http://www.parenting.com/article/Tod...itting-Parents