I pretty much feel like crap.....

[abbylotus]

and that about sums it up...........ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!! I feel like sludge is sloshing through my viens and my energy is so low I want to keel over and be put into a coma until I can "wake up and get everything together.

I'm 90 pounds over weight and the scale isn't budging......I had two babes in less than a year and a half and didn't/couldn't take off the weight from #1 and #2's excess is still here, too. Basically, I do not even recognize the girl staring back at me in the mirror. I am more than aware as to what one needs to to in order to lose weight......I eat healthy, that's not the problem, but I honestly can't find time to get to the gym and some serious sweating. It is FREEZING outside here so I will not take two babies outside for very long, and they only last around the block before one or the other is screaming holy hell. We don't have a car, as our poor 1987 buick (RIP) was totaled a couple months ago, and trying to orchestrate my husband's day class schedule/night work schedule, two babies and their bf, napping, eating schedules with my NEED to get out of the house and work out........needless to say, I haven't been able to make it to the Y in 2004 yet.

I'm sorry, I really just need to get this off my chest.........my DH is really understanding, but there really isn't anything we can do....anyway, when we talk about this it seems he is hearing , "You need to work less and make more money," and that, in turn, makes him feel like crap.

By 3pm everyday I want to crawl into bed and collapse.....yes, we are eating rice, beans, and veggies AGAIN...because that's all of a dinner I can muster. This isn't life. I love my family, but I feel like my spirit is being sucked out of me most of the time.....not to mention the sheer size of my ass makes me want to launch myself into outerspace......AHHHHHHHH!!! lol. I need help. I have actually thought of claiming I need some SERIOUS ppd help so I would HAVE to leave this house without the kids and let someone else worry about coordinating schedules, rides, babies, grocery shopping, diaper washing, meal making...............I feel horrible for feeling this way.

[Jish]

Do you feel like you have PPD issues, or are you just frustrated with some of the externals in your life? I know this is a hard time of year for those of us in the snow belt (I'm from Iowa and I know it sucks.)

I have actually thought of claiming I need some SERIOUS ppd help so I would HAVE to leave this house without the kids and let someone else worry about coordinating schedules, rides, babies, grocery shopping, diaper washing, meal making...............I feel horrible for feeling this way.

If you aren't suffering from PPD you still have every right to get out of your house by yourself. You shouldn't feel horrible about it at all. Our partners should be able to handle familiy affairs for an hour or two while we get a chance to go out and save our sanity. Being a SAHM socked inside by weather is enough to send anyone over the edge. If you can swing it, try to get outside at least 15 minutes a day to soak up some sunshine. Once a week I would try to get out for an hour or two to do whatever you want to do. You deserve it.

[gilnikche]

Heck, I have a car & live in So. Cal and feel that way most days! My hubby has been home for a year on workers comp & most days is driving me buggy.

I love my family, but I feel like my spirit is being sucked out of me most of the time.....not to mention the sheer size of my ass makes me want to launch myself into outerspace......AHHHHHHHH!!! lol. I

This nearly made me spew coffee all over the screen! I can so relate. Personally, I am starting weight training on Monday (20 minutes per day) and no matter how much my hubby pouts; I am going for a walk or the library (even the supermarket) by myself every day.

Can you take a sanity walk(drive, timeout, etc...) as soon as your hubby walks in the door (the car will still be warm)? Do you have any pals in a similar situation to talk to on the phone?

BTW, the weight training is www.joycevedral.com if you are interested

[Emilie]

Have you had your thyroid levels checked? The reason i ask is that that is how I felt and it turns out I have a autoimmune disease called Graves. There is one also called Hiroshimo-
I would look into it. You sound like you have the symptoms of it. Many dr.s do not test for it because they think you should be tired - you have a new baby. Worth a shot!
Keep me posted.

[abbylotus]

Update on my crapiness......

I went to see our family doctor on Monday (she is a lovely, home birthing, crunchy mother of three) and she had me have some blood drawn........I have hypo-thyroidism. I really don't know EXACTLY what that is because I just got the news today. It seems I will have to take a Rx/daily.............her nurse called me, as my doctor was out of the office, and didn't give me a lot of onfo. I am going to do some searching online. Thanks to all that responded.

[gilnikche]

I found some links for you on it:

http://www.methodisthealth.com/endocrin/postthy.htm

http://www.mythyroid.com/postpartum_thyroiditis.htm

http://www.thyroid.ca/Guides/HG08.html#Breast

[An excerpt]
Breast Feeding and Thyroid Disease
Radioactive isotopes are secreted in milk and no isotope tests or isotope scans should be performed on someone who is breast feeding.

Propylthiouracil can be used when breast feeding, as only negligible amounts actually get into the milk. Thyroxine is also secreted in the milk, but providing the dosage in the mother is in the physiologic range, it appears to be quite safe for the mother on thyroxine to breast feed.

[EllasMama]

Re: I pretty much feel like crap.....

Originally posted by abbylotus
I love my family, but I feel like my spirit is being sucked out of me most of the time.....not to mention the sheer size of my ass makes me want to launch myself into outerspace......AHHHHHHHH!!!

I know this is a serious post and issue, but several of the things you wrote just made me chuckle a mighty big chuckle. You have such a wonderful sense of humor!!!!

Have you taken a PPD self-assessment quiz? There is one at http://www.pndsa.co.za/ms-fc.htm if you want to take one. Could be that you have PPD and knowing it might help figure out where to move from here. Now some ideas I had:

First off, don't feel guilty for wanting to get the hell out of the house. With two tiny ones inside and crappy weather outside, who wouldn't feel that way?? You DESERVE some alone time to recoup your sanity. I hate to fly but often look longingly at planes going overhead, wishing I could be en route to anywhere but here!!

Second, you also deserve some serious help with the household stuff even if you don't have severe PPD. I've found that the downside of being a stay-at-home mom is that when your house is actually LIVED in (as opposed to visited occasionally when everyone's gone from sun-up till dinnertime) there is a TON more housework piling up. Beg for help from anyone who'll listen. Digging out from under things for even a little while will help. Also try to go other places so you don't have to look at the mess, when possible. Is there a busline within walking distance? Can a friend drive you and the little'uns to a bookstore or toystore or library once every week or two?

Lastly, I am betting that that great sense of humor of yours needs more of a workout. I used to be cynical and witty and sharp, but then I had a daughter and it no longer seemed appropriate, like I was only supposed to say lovey and positive things. I MISS getting to exercise that part of me, and I wonder if you do, too. Maybe you could pick up a David Sedaris book at the library, or rent some stand-up comedy to watch after the kids are in bed, or something. Nonviolent communication is all well and good, but sometimes I just need to hear (or make!) a caustic joke, for pete's sake!

Sorry you're having a hard time. Spring WILL arrive, I promise. Sunshine WILL come your way again. It's a crappy season in many places and you've got an incredible workload, so hang in there. Let us know how things are going.

Carol

[Emilie]

I knew it!

I am so glad that you went to see your doctor and that you have found the source to your problems! Please feel free to email me anytime! I have hyperthyroidism- Graves disease. aWhich has alot of similiar symptoms- but different as well. The thyroid is a complex organ and I am in the process of learning alot about it. I am on a Graves disease support group on Yahoo- and I am sure there are some there for hypo. It really messes with your mind and body!
So many people said oh- motherhood is just harder than you expected which made me feel terrible! I would say- NOOOO I AM SICK! Many people who do not have a disease like these do not understand- as well meaning as they may be! YOU FEEL LIKE CRAP! With a big time emphasis on CRAP! It does get better- take your meds and do your research - there are things you can eat and things to avoid as to not aggravate your symptoms!
I do not have hypo- so have not had to deal with the weight gain- but weight loss- which is not so bad.
Please know that I am here for you- there are books out there- get some recomendations- and listen to your instincts. You know what you rbody is telling you- learn to listen!
Take care of yourself!
Emilie