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I get so angry when people ask me this! RANT - Page 2

post #21 of 92
I've been asked them too, and it always shocks me. I think I've said, "Uh, yeah?" Or something. I don't get why they're assuming she wouldn't unless they said something.
post #22 of 92
Yeah, especially annoying when they get snotty about it I've had people ask me if I was wearing sunscreen before since I am so pale. They at least said it with genuine concern and I could understand since I was obviously a northerner by my accent in Florida and a lot of us forget how much stronger the sun is there but no need to be rude about it, geez!
post #23 of 92
Quote:
Originally Posted by sapphire_chan View Post
Is beach sun, with a hat and shade, magically stronger than other sun?
Actually, it's been my experience that it is.

The water and sand are very reflective, and we of course tend to wear less clothing at the beach as well (increasing exposure). Also, the duration of exposure can be longer at the beach; it's easy to stay at the beach all day whereas in other situations you might only stay outside an hour or so. Generally speaking of course. Also sunblock usually needs to be reapplied after going in the water. But mostly I think the difference is the reflectiveness of water and sand.

Of course that's totally besides the point of the annoyance factor of folks who think your kid would never live past age (insert age here) if it weren't for their advice.
post #24 of 92
Quote:
Originally Posted by Latte Mama View Post
Oh good grief . I'd be so tempted to say something like "oh no, we like the baby to get a little color, baby tans are so IN these days" .

I really would NOT justify these people with a serious answer. Laugh it off with something completely silly as a response.
OMG. I love this.

I seriously just look at them and say, "Thanks for your concern, but I don't feel obliged to answer your question." Seriously.
post #25 of 92
I'm gonna go out on a limb and ask this: Why does this bother you guys so much?

I get that if the stranger asking is rude, then I understand - no justification for rudeness ever.

But if the person is just sincerely wondering if maybe you don't realize the sun is particularly harsh on little babies, why is this so offensive to everyone?

I've been at concerts and seen young babies and asked the parents if the baby is wearing ear plugs. Often they're not, and I usually let the parents know that they sell earplugs and you can cut them to fit a smaller ear, and that a lot of damage can be done if they don't.

I said things like that before I had a kid, and now that I have one I'd still say it. And when I took my own babe to a couple of shows and between bands was carrying her around without her headphone ear protectors, I wasn't offended at all when people either asked if it was too loud for her or even a couple people gave me dirty looks. I knew I was protecting my babe and actually appreciated that people cared enough to ask.

I'm pretty suprised that those kind of comments, when well-meaning, are so offensive to so many?
post #26 of 92
OK I have a pool and often enough we have friends with little one's come visit. I have actually learned that I should ask them if they have put sunscreen on. I usually have some on the table for anyone to use and I invite them to use it. I've learned this after having too many babies and sometimes parents burn at my house. I used to assume the parent knew to put it on (or use wide hats/shirts). But sometimes in the craziness of a busy life they forget...or think they won't burn.

I do see the point about how it can get annoying for a stranger to ask. Especially since it keeps happening. I'd smile and say "Yes, she's covered."

I'll also add it's annoying for me when people comment on how nice of a tan my children have-- it's their skin color! They have Italian skin that looks tan year round, no tan lines. BUT that's another whole thread!
post #27 of 92
I don't and won't put sunscreen on my children. I don't need anyone to ask me if I have. It is disrespectful and rude to assume that other parents need you to remind them of what's best for their baby. Carrying sunscreen around and asking if someone needs/wants it would be okay but asking if the child has it on is not cool. That's like asking "do you feed that baby cereal yet?" "does he sleep through the night yet?" "did he get his flu shot?" It's none of your business.
post #28 of 92
I've had someone come up to me on the street and scold me for having me (then 11 month old) baby outside. Some people are just idiots.
post #29 of 92
I got/get lots of unsolicited advice with one of my children, not with the other. I say, "We're fine." until they go away.
post #30 of 92
Why is this annoying? It's annoying because it's presumptuous. I see no difference between asking "Is your baby wearing sunblock?" and "Did you feed your baby?" Or "Did you change his/her diaper?" or whatever. If a stranger in a candy store came up and asked you if you brushed your child's teeth after giving him/her candy, that would be annoying, yes? I don't think it's helpful to go around assuming that every parent a) is an uninformed idiot who needs information/reminders b) shares your particular value system.

That said, I really liked the Crisco response. My usual response to questions like these (automatic, can't be helped ;-)) is "No, we didn't feed him today. He was getting a little fat." Or whatever. ;-)
post #31 of 92
As a Hawaiian transplant who spends time at the beach, I can understand. I'm not totally looking forward to our weekend beach trips after I deliver, because of this! I'm a big girl, I've learned my lesson (all by myself, on me!) that the sun is freakishly strong by the water and make sure I don't subject that same pain on my child(ren). Just because I have a child on the beach and don't look/sound like a local, doesn't mean I don't know about or practice sun safety!
post #32 of 92
Quote:
Originally Posted by Katsmamajama View Post
As a Hawaiian transplant who spends time at the beach, I can understand. I'm not totally looking forward to our weekend beach trips after I deliver, because of this! I'm a big girl, I've learned my lesson (all by myself, on me!) that the sun is freakishly strong by the water and make sure I don't subject that same pain on my child(ren). Just because I have a child on the beach and don't look/sound like a local, doesn't mean I don't know about or practice sun safety!
I was going to ask the OP if the people doing the asking were locals. Especially if her and/or the baby are fair skinned.
post #33 of 92
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lizafava View Post
Like, comments on sunscreen, not wearing shoes, not wearing hats, letting your kid walk to the end of block alone, letting your baby eat real food, get dirty, put a stick in its mouth, etc. etc.
oh deer then i'm trouble caden spent a lot of time during the summer sitting playing in the garden eating mud and chewing sticks with no shoes, socks or sun hat actually sometimes he had no clothes either just a vest and nappy or just a nappy
post #34 of 92
I actually like the connectedness of other people caring about the well-being of my baby.
And I will admit I am not a perfect mom, I forget things all the time, I'm frazzled etc. and it doe snot bother me if someone asks me something like "did you remember sunscreen on the baby?" but only so long as it is in a nice way...
post #35 of 92
If the baby is in no danger of getting burned, it's no one's business.

If the baby has a bad sunburn, the parent should be reported to CPS for abuse or neglect. Allowing a baby to get a bad sunburn is reportable in most states. I'd report it if I saw it.

How you keep your baby from getting burned is your own business.
post #36 of 92
Quote:
Originally Posted by KristaDJ View Post
I don't and won't put sunscreen on my children. I don't need anyone to ask me if I have. It is disrespectful and rude to assume that other parents need you to remind them of what's best for their baby. Carrying sunscreen around and asking if someone needs/wants it would be okay but asking if the child has it on is not cool. That's like asking "do you feed that baby cereal yet?" "does he sleep through the night yet?" "did he get his flu shot?" It's none of your business.
I totally get that there are parenting choices at play here too, so where you actually don't believe in putting sunscreen on your child (and feel strongly about it) and another parent feels strongly the opposite way, that it's irresponsible to not put it on... I get that these are parenting choices that are each of our rights and that is really the end of that conversation.

But the part about it being disrespectful and rude to assume other parents need a stranger to remind them of something... all I'll say on that is that I work for child welfare and am HORRIFIED by the number of things parents sometimes DO need reminding or initial instruction about.

They're not bad parents a lot of the time, and not mean. So many are just clueless. And I agree with Sisteesmama, for me, I want to live in a world where people care about other people and do ask questions if they think it would benefit someone. If they're rude or obnoxious or condescening that is uncalled for, but if they're well meaning, for me, I appreciate it even if it's unnecessary.

We live in a world where manufacturers have to put instructions on things like "Do not place a child in the dryer" or "don't put children or animals in the microwave" or even "do not bathe child in hot water" because aside from evil people who do these things on purpose to children, clueless people also do them. And we're all humans - I've forgotten the sunscreen or to strap the baby in the carseat a couple of times. Human error.

Even the obvious is often not so obvious to everyone, and I'd rather ask a friendly question and risk offending someone because way more often than not, what I'm asking about was an oversight instead of a conscious decision.
post #37 of 92
Quote:
Originally Posted by sisteeesmama View Post
I actually like the connectedness of other people caring about the well-being of my baby.
And I will admit I am not a perfect mom, I forget things all the time, I'm frazzled etc. and it does not bother me if someone asks me something like "did you remember sunscreen on the baby?" but only so long as it is in a nice way...
I think the bolded part is the problem -- the people the OP mentioned don't sound like they're doing it in a nice way. From the part of her post quoted below, it sounds like they're continuing to direct their anger at her even after she tells them that the baby is wearing sunscreen. I've had people do that to me before (about other stuff) and it's so rude! They ask you a nosy question, you answer "correctly," and then they berate you anyway with a, "Well, okay, but if you hadn't, blah blah blah..." It's like they got themselves all worked up, and are determined to deliver their lecture whether you deserve it or not. Not nice, and not part of being a connected, caring society.

Quote:
Originally Posted by amberskyfire View Post
The first time someone did it, I was just shocked that they would be so rude. I said "yes" nervously and got a very rude "well, I guess it's okay then" very condescendingly as if I must be a moron and require their okay on the matter. The second time I said yes, the woman just nodded and walked off in a huff.
post #38 of 92
Quote:
Originally Posted by LROM View Post
I'm gonna go out on a limb and ask this: Why does this bother you guys so much?

I get that if the stranger asking is rude, then I understand - no justification for rudeness ever.

But if the person is just sincerely wondering if maybe you don't realize the sun is particularly harsh on little babies, why is this so offensive to everyone?

I've been at concerts and seen young babies and asked the parents if the baby is wearing ear plugs. Often they're not, and I usually let the parents know that they sell earplugs and you can cut them to fit a smaller ear, and that a lot of damage can be done if they don't.

I said things like that before I had a kid, and now that I have one I'd still say it. And when I took my own babe to a couple of shows and between bands was carrying her around without her headphone ear protectors, I wasn't offended at all when people either asked if it was too loud for her or even a couple people gave me dirty looks. I knew I was protecting my babe and actually appreciated that people cared enough to ask.

I'm pretty suprised that those kind of comments, when well-meaning, are so offensive to so many?
because people should mind their own business... I think it's annoying too I have five kids and if I havent figured things out yet then there is something wrong. I dont think most people have genuine concerns I think they are just nosey and know it alls. I see a lot of bad parenting and I dont let them know everything they are doing is def not what I would do unless they ask me. I dont tell that new mom giving a baby a bottle of formula that she should bf instead...because its NOMB and its rude for one thing not to mention I dont know why they do what they do for whatever reason. People need to keep their opinions to themselves unless they are asked for it imo.
post #39 of 92
Maybe I'm a horrible cynic (it's possible, I'll admit), but it has been my experience that the vast majority of strangers asking annoying/prying/child-related questions and passing out their personal takes on life are not doing it out of a sense of community and connectedness. They're bored, or nosey, or wanting to feel as if they've done a "good" deed, or wanting a chance to feel superior. I can totally see someone from a state with strong sun looking for a chance to show off their native knowledge, rather than actually looking out for someone else's babe. If I really thought someone needed sunscreen or a shade for her baby, I would offer her some, and leave it at that.

Community and connectedness are almost never engendered by rude, or even not-so-rude, I'm-more-knowledgeable-than-you, interactions. They're fostered by sharing, genuine interest, and an equality based, we're-in-this-together, kind of attitude. And I can't say that I'm going to start feeling warm and connected to a total stranger who starts off our relationship with a question like "Did you put sunscreen on your baby?"
post #40 of 92
I have to say, while I generally find these kinds of questions annoying (and already get them while pregnant--re: vitamins, drinking wine, eating sushi, etc.), I am really trying to put a positive spin on it, like others have said.

We talk a lot on these boards about kindness and helping each other out, so when someone asks a question like that, why not just assume they're looking out for their fellow human beings?

I find that I'm a much happier person if I assume people are motivated by caring and concern. Innocent until proven guilty.

(Trust me, this is a daily struggle. I live with my ILs. )
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