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I get so angry when people ask me this! RANT - Page 3

post #41 of 92
That's the kind of question that causes me to give people "the look." You know, the "did you really just say that?" look that is vaguely reminiscent of how one would regard something nasty on one's shoe. I don't say anything, just look at them, and they scuttle off. Rude, obnoxious, nosy people don't get time/defense/anything from me.
post #42 of 92
Quote:
Originally Posted by theatermom View Post
Maybe I'm a horrible cynic (it's possible, I'll admit), but it has been my experience that the vast majority of strangers asking annoying/prying/child-related questions and passing out their personal takes on life are not doing it out of a sense of community and connectedness. They're bored, or nosey, or wanting to feel as if they've done a "good" deed, or wanting a chance to feel superior. I can totally see someone from a state with strong sun looking for a chance to show off their native knowledge, rather than actually looking out for someone else's babe. If I really thought someone needed sunscreen or a shade for her baby, I would offer her some, and leave it at that.

Community and connectedness are almost never engendered by rude, or even not-so-rude, I'm-more-knowledgeable-than-you, interactions. They're fostered by sharing, genuine interest, and an equality based, we're-in-this-together, kind of attitude. And I can't say that I'm going to start feeling warm and connected to a total stranger who starts off our relationship with a question like "Did you put sunscreen on your baby?"
Thats what I am saying...
I dont really try to put a positive spin on things because its just not me. I dont fart rainbows and sunshine and I dont love everyone (just being honest) LOL. It sounds nice in theory, I'm a kind loving person but life isnt always roses and sunshine. Most of the time people like that dont care about you one way or the other which is sad but that's life. Like when people stare at us because we have 5 kids or say something stupid/ hurtful to us that they think is so clever and witty @@ . They dont care about our family in the least, they are just nosey and rude.
post #43 of 92
Quote:
Originally Posted by theatermom View Post
Maybe I'm a horrible cynic (it's possible, I'll admit), but it has been my experience that the vast majority of strangers asking annoying/prying/child-related questions and passing out their personal takes on life are not doing it out of a sense of community and connectedness. They're bored, or nosey, or wanting to feel as if they've done a "good" deed, or wanting a chance to feel superior."
I'd have to agree. When ds1 was little, I had two distinct styles of dress. When I was on my way to/from work, I wore black dress slacks, a blouse or nice sweater and sometimes a black blazer, with light make-up. On non-work days, I wore jeans (sometimes torn, with black spandex pants/tights showing through underneath), heavy metal concert t-shirts, a denim vest with a horned skull on the back, flashy earrings, sometimes studded leather accessories (before they became fashionable again a few years ago) and heavy make-up. The number of "helpful" comments about my child being dressed inappropriately, "looking" tired, or "looking" hungry or whatever that I go was significantly higher when I was off work. When I say "significantly", I'm talking like...I remember one comment about ds1 needing a hat when I was in work clothes. I don't think I ever took him out - not once - without being told how to parent in my non-work clothes.

That's not out of connectedness. It's out of a desire to act in a snottily superior fashion. They could boss me around because I was young white trash (and i wasn't that young - 24 when ds1 was born - but I looked younger, apparently).
post #44 of 92
When people say things like this to me, I usually give a tight smile and look away without saying anything.
post #45 of 92
I'd probably look at the other person and say "You know, it is so hot out! Did you put sunscreen on? Because it looks you are getting burned already!" And then start going on about skin cancer and what not.
post #46 of 92
Quote:
Originally Posted by Crystal_R View Post
You should start saying "Nope, but we covered her in Crisco so she'll get nice and crispy" just to see what kind of reaction you get.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Latte Mama View Post
I'd be so tempted to say something like "oh no, we like the baby to get a little color, baby tans are so IN these days" .


Quote:
Originally Posted by sapphire_chan View Post
"Vitamin D? Ever hear of it? M. Y. O. B. and S. T. F. U."


Quote:
Originally Posted by SquishyKitty View Post
"No, she really needs to tan, it makes her look thinner"


Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post
I'd have to agree. When ds1 was little, I had two distinct styles of dress. When I was on my way to/from work, I wore black dress slacks, a blouse or nice sweater and sometimes a black blazer, with light make-up. On non-work days, I wore jeans (sometimes torn, with black spandex pants/tights showing through underneath), heavy metal concert t-shirts, a denim vest with a horned skull on the back, flashy earrings, sometimes studded leather accessories (before they became fashionable again a few years ago) and heavy make-up. The number of "helpful" comments about my child being dressed inappropriately, "looking" tired, or "looking" hungry or whatever that I go was significantly higher when I was off work. When I say "significantly", I'm talking like...I remember one comment about ds1 needing a hat when I was in work clothes. I don't think I ever took him out - not once - without being told how to parent in my non-work clothes.

That's not out of connectedness. It's out of a desire to act in a snottily superior fashion. They could boss me around because I was young white trash (and i wasn't that young - 24 when ds1 was born - but I looked younger, apparently).
post #47 of 92
Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post
That's not out of connectedness. It's out of a desire to act in a snottily superior fashion.
Believe me, I don't necessarily disagree with that. I just find I'm a lot less stressed if I mentally stay in my magical fairy rainbow land.
post #48 of 92
Quote:
Originally Posted by stealthmode View Post
Believe me, I don't necessarily disagree with that. I just find I'm a lot less stressed if I mentally stay in my magical fairy rainbow land.
I can believe that. I'm probably just jealous, because I'm not good at getting into a magical fairy rainbow land in the first place.
post #49 of 92
I think theatermom hit the nail on the head.

I'd probably start saying something like "We live here. She's protected." If i felt the need to say anything at all.
post #50 of 92
We went to a tattoo convention in March and DD got a rub on tattoo. Everyone - and I mean everyone!! - asked in a rather rude tone "Is that real?!"
post #51 of 92
Quote:
Originally Posted by caro113 View Post
We went to a tattoo convention in March and DD got a rub on tattoo. Everyone - and I mean everyone!! - asked in a rather rude tone "Is that real?!"
I would be tempted to say "no, its a figment of your imagination" and
post #52 of 92
I would make cards or slips of paper that said:

Yes, she's wearing sunscreen.
Yes, I've been asked before.


Then I wouldn't have to actually respond, and it would help with my need to be passive-aggressive about it.
post #53 of 92
If people were just being nice, I think they'd say, "I have some sunblock if you need any." Not, "Do you have sunblock on that child!?"
post #54 of 92
Quote:
Originally Posted by caro113 View Post
We went to a tattoo convention in March and DD got a rub on tattoo. Everyone - and I mean everyone!! - asked in a rather rude tone "Is that real?!"
My dd had a fake tattoo on her ankle at one point, and I had people ask that too. It was when she was 5. It's like, "Yeah, I took my 5-year-old to the tattoo parlor . . ." What are people thinking?
post #55 of 92
I would probably answer with a question

"She's wearing 50, why do most kids wear higher than 50?"

Answering with a question can be very useful sometimes.
post #56 of 92
don;t respond it you don;t want to, but if you do i vote for the crisco response
post #57 of 92
Quote:
Originally Posted by caro113 View Post
We went to a tattoo convention in March and DD got a rub on tattoo. Everyone - and I mean everyone!! - asked in a rather rude tone "Is that real?!"
Yet there was a story on the news just last week about a guy who wanted his 7 yr old to have some of the same tats he had, and child welfare got involved. And I have friends who work in tattoo parlors who say they have had people come in and be suprised that a parent can't approve a child to get a tattoo.

I totally get that some people are saying these "Does your child....?" things to be rude and snotty and feel superior, and I get the objection to that. I object to that too.

But I don't get the level of "AS IF anyone would ever do/not do that!" Although, I guess in a way the fact that so many of you think these things are obvious and of course you've done/not done the thing in question, that's the "rainbow fairy land" aspect of this board, which is a lovely thing. This is a board of mostly connected, aware parents.

But think about it, isn't it pretty clear by the number of posts about the crazy (as we see them) parenting decisions a lot of other people make that some of these things may very well not be so obvious to a lot of people?

I know everyone is still free to be offended, I just wanted to add the observation that I guess some of this offense (aside from the rude people) comes from a sense that these things are obvious... when they often are not.
post #58 of 92
Quote:
Originally Posted by LROM View Post
....
But the part about it being disrespectful and rude to assume other parents need a stranger to remind them of something... all I'll say on that is that I work for child welfare and am HORRIFIED by the number of things parents sometimes DO need reminding or initial instruction about.
...
They're not bad parents a lot of the time, and not mean. So many are just clueless. And I agree with Sisteesmama, for me, I want to live in a world where people care about other people and do ask questions if they think it would benefit someone. If they're rude or obnoxious or condescening that is uncalled for, but if they're well meaning, for me, I appreciate it even if it's unnecessary.
Right, but a part of what offends me when something like this happens (sunscreen or a hat or food I'm offering or whatever) is the assumption that a) I am one of those "not evil but well meaning parents" who needs advice from strangers and that b) the advice-giver is putting themself in a position of authority (on hats or food or whatever). If I were on the beach with my fair-skinned baby, and someone came up, introduced themself as a dermatologist,and said, "I just want to be sure you know how important it is for your baby to be wearing sunscreen, etc," then I would be genuinely fine and happy to get some free expert advice. Generally, however, this has been by experience:

Quote:
Originally Posted by theatermom View Post
Maybe I'm a horrible cynic (it's possible, I'll admit), but it has been my experience that the vast majority of strangers asking annoying/prying/child-related questions and passing out their personal takes on life are not doing it out of a sense of community and connectedness. They're bored, or nosey, or wanting to feel as if they've done a "good" deed, or wanting a chance to feel superior. I can totally see someone from a state with strong sun looking for a chance to show off their native knowledge, rather than actually looking out for someone else's babe. If I really thought someone needed sunscreen or a shade for her baby, I would offer her some, and leave it at that.
It is NEVER the pleasant looking mom carrying her baby in the sling, or the off-duty pediatrician, etc, who doles out advice to me. It's always either a grumpy old man or, one one memorable occasion, a mom who was bottle feeding her newborn while her older children were running wild around us.

Quote:
Originally Posted by hippiemommaof4 View Post


because people should mind their own business... I think it's annoying too I have five kids and if I havent figured things out yet then there is something wrong. I dont think most people have genuine concerns I think they are just nosey and know it alls. I see a lot of bad parenting and I dont let them know everything they are doing is def not what I would do unless they ask me. I dont tell that new mom giving a baby a bottle of formula that she should bf instead...because its NOMB and its rude for one thing not to mention I dont know why they do what they do for whatever reason. People need to keep their opinions to themselves unless they are asked for it imo.
This is how I feel. I DO NOT WANT community togetherness, joint parenting, or advice from strangers on the street. Nothing ruins my day quite like having a grouchy old lady growl at my daughter, happily playing in the rain, to put a hat on.
post #59 of 92
maybe you could turn it around and embarass the person,

"Yes she is, but are YOU wearing deoderant?"
post #60 of 92
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by hollytheteacher View Post
maybe you could turn it around and embarass the person,

"Yes she is, but are YOU wearing deoderant?"
LOVE IT!
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