do some kids just need to cry (OR) let's talk naps

[sisteeesmama]

So let;s talk naps shall we?
My dd is 22mos old and the nap thing has def. changed. She used to be so reliable about going down at around 1-2 in the afternoon everyday no question but now she pretty much has stopped napping and I cannot accept this!(I mean I will if I have to but I don't wanna<whine>)
So anyway, my mom says that when she has her if she isn't settling into her nap by the afternoon my mom will just hold her and tell her its time to take a nap and she said she will cry a little bit but she just tries to soothe her and it akes about 15-20mins but dd does fall asleep.
So I have tried this twice and it has worked both times but dd got REALLY mad today when I was holding because I was holding her still and she wanted to get down and I wouldn't let her and she was crying really hard but then she took her baba and fell asleep after about 10mins.

I guess it just goes against everything I thought I was supposed to be doing to actually make my dd cry like that, but if she fell asleep then she needed the sleep, right? YEsterday she ended up sleeping for about an hour and half where as all last week and the week before NO NAP!


Please tell me about what you do for naptime, how you get your kids to go down, if you have always had a structured nap time and if you think what I am doing is abhorrent!

[3*is*magic]

Well, I might be in the minority here at MDC but I believe that 22 month olds need their sleep to grow and develop and learn and be happy, and if a few tears are shed along the way, that's OK. It doesn't sound as though you're leaving her to cry alone or refusing to soothe her for an extended period of time. If she's sleeping for a good bit and waking up well rested and happy, I think you're doing the right thing.

My .02 .

[sisteeesmama]

Yeah, I'm not leaving her, I'm actually holding her the whole time in order to actually get her to be still and that in turn is what makes her cry. She usually starts out ok, drinking her baba and letting me hold her for a minute or two, but then tries to get up and I don't let her and thats wehn the tears start and they really came today but after about 3-4 minutes of heavy crying she wanted her baba again and settled down slowly.

I really wonder if the crying expends that last little bit of energy that then helps her to relax and fall asleep, or is that just wishful justifying??

[3*is*magic]

I think it sounds like you are meeting her needs. If she doesn't nap, she'll be unhappy and - I would guess - end up crying a whole lot more than she is before she falls asleep. And she's not crying alone, she has her mom by her side to help her get through the rough patch. Honestly, mama, I think you're handling it perfectly.

[sisteeesmama]

Thanks Leeann, that is so nice to hear, I appreciate it!

[smeisnotapirate]

Ditto!

My DS does the same thing, and I'll hold him until he sleeps.

Sounds like your MIL is a wise, compassionate mama.

[Shera971]

I think I read some where that around this age is when kids are learning soooo many new things, they really don't want to "waste time" napping. I can totally see that! When I've got a new book/catching up with an old friend/a great movie is on tv, who wants to sleep (even though I do need to!) I think a little encouragement at this age is the most helpful thing you can do. IMO, a child under 2 still needs to nap - for the health of her brain and body.

[lilyka]

i did the same thing with mine. my kids hated naps because they were scared they were going to miss something even though they still need them. So sometimes they just needed help gettiong to sleep. and they had every right to be crabby about it but they were still going to take a nap.

[Heavenly]

Sorry, I will be the dissenting vote. I do not believe in physical restraining a child unless there is a really good reason to do. I know myself I completely panic if someone tries to physically restrain me. It is a completely horrible feeling! If I am picturing this right you are holding her completely still while she screams and freaks out? What website am I on again?

[poiyt]

Ill disagree.

i dont think its ever appropriate to hold down a child until they fall asleep (unless there is something wrong with the child...like medically etc). Anytime I wonder if an action is appropriate I imagine doing it to an adult.

Would I hold my spouse down until he fell asleep? No
But what if he was really tired and I knew I would be preventing him from being really tired later...then would I hold him down? No.

I dont think its respectful to the child. And, all respect aside - what does it teach them? I dont need to pay attention to how tired I am, because if I get too tired mama will know, and she'll make me nap.

On a complete other note - at 22months, she may not need a nap every day. Some kids just require less sleep. if she is happy during the day when she doesnt nap and then gets over tired at 8p...put her to bed for the night at 730p...

Just my thoughts...

[Shera971]

Originally Posted by Heavenly

If I am picturing this right you are holding her completely still while she screams and freaks out? What website am I on again?

I don't think this comment is very helpful to the OP. She was asking for opinions and help, not judgement.

[3*is*magic]

The impression I got from the OP is that she's holding her in her arms and not allowing her to get down and play or whatnot, not forcefully holding her down or restraining her in a supine position.

[newmommy7-08]

I always have to take DS to my bedroom where it's quiet and dark to get him to calm down enough to nap. He can show all the signs of being tired but if i don't remove him from the sight of his toys, he will NOT nap.

[Heavenly]

Originally Posted by Shera971

I don't think this comment is very helpful to the OP. She was asking for opinions and help, not judgement.

Yes, and that is my opinion. If support only is what is wanted then put it in the title, otherwise don't be surprised if people question restraining a young child while she (admittedly by the OP) cries and screams.

[Shera971]

Originally Posted by Heavenly

Yes, and that is my opinion. If support only is what is wanted then put it in the title, otherwise don't be surprised if people question restraining a young child while she (admittedly by the OP) cries and screams.

I wasn't questioning the fact that you disagreed rather how it was how it was said. Poiyt agreed with your stance as well but I thought her post was constructive and had some great points. Your post didn't seem to want to help rather just point out that she was wrong.

[LeighB]

My dd is 22 months as well, and she basically done with naps. She fights and kicks the walls and tries to me laugh so I'll play with her, lol. I've decided to start a quiet time routine with her instead- we will nurse in the bed, then read quietly and then if she's not going to sleep I encourage her to play quietly on her own.

[Drummer's Wife]

Originally Posted by sisteeesmama

Please tell me about what you do for naptime, how you get your kids to go down, if you have always had a structured nap time and if you think what I am doing is abhorrent!

We have never done a set 'naptime' fwiw, so maybe my experience won't help much... but I can't see myself holding them to fall asleep - except if they were nursing, and it was mutually desired. My kids always napped when they were tired, and woke up when they were rested - so sleep has just never been a big issue in our home.

If she doesn't take a nap, what happens? Is the rest of the day completely miserable with constant melt-downs? I'm just trying to see why it would be so important for her to continue taking a nap that you are at this point.

All four of my kids stopped napping consistently around their 2nd birthday, so IMO, 22 months is at the age where she may just not need to rest like that on a daily basis.

[lilyka]

Originally Posted by Drummer's Wife

If she doesn't take a nap, what happens? Is the rest of the day completely miserable with constant melt-downs? .

in myt case yes, yes that is exactly what happened.

and i did not hold my dd down flat to the bed. i would lay down with her or rock her and tell her to be still. if she got out of bed i would tell her to get back in bed etc. but then I expect my children to obey me and there are many times when i tell them it is time to sit still or lay still and enforce it but consistantly bringing them back to where I want them.

[mandib50]

please keep both the forum guidelines in mind and the UA in mind when posting to this thread, particularly the following:

Parenting is not a support-only forum, but posts are expected to be respectful at all times. The basic rule of internet discussions is "Debate the post, not the poster."

When you assert something as either fact or your opinion, not everyone will agree. An opinion different from your own is not, in and of itself, a violation of the UA. Personal disagreements need to be taken to the private messaging system (PM) to keep discussion on track. Personal attacks and other User Agreement violations should be reported rather than addressed on a thread itself.

Do not post or start a thread to discuss member behavior or statements of members made in other threads or to criticize another discussion on the boards. Do not post to a thread to take direct issue with a member.

and, finally, as stated very clearly in the UA, MDC does not wish to host threads about harsh sleep training methods. let's keep this discussion to alternatives please.

We are not interested, however, in hosting discussions on the merits of crying it out, harsh sleep training, physical punishment, formula feeding, elective cesarean section, routine infant medical circumcision, or mandatory vaccinations.

[sisteeesmama]

Originally Posted by Drummer's Wife

If she doesn't take a nap, what happens? Is the rest of the day completely miserable with constant melt-downs? I'm just trying to see why it would be so important for her to continue taking a nap that you are at this point.

Yes, this is pretty much what happens. Her judgement goes out the window, she melts down over everything, acts very irrationally(she is normally very calm and sweet) and yawns but just doesn't go to sleep, she fights it big time. It sucks because she used to fall aslepp NO PROBlem....