HELP i am at my wits' end with a screaming baby and an exam in less than an hour

[MG01]

my son is 7 mos old. he is good natured, he loves people, but i feel like whenever he is with me he turns into a monster, like he saves up all his fussiness for mama and charms everyone else who sees him ("what a good baby you have" ugh gag me with a spoon, one: he is not "good" or "bad," and two: yeah right, good, you should see him at home)

i have no one to watch him today (my classes are mostly online but my exams are on campus) so got no studying/review done today, he tore my page out of my review notebook when i tried, i tried to put him in his jumper thing and sit on the floor by him to study and he needs constant interaction and attention and/or just screams at me, i got nothing done in the past 8 hours.

people say, why don't you get him used to a playpen? well one, it's moot, i babyproofed so technically the whole room on one side of the bed could be his play area but he wants nothing to do with his toys he comes right to me or gets into things he shouldn't (yes i am still learning that wiley babies can outdo the best of babyproofing, he has 5 toys right there and he goes for my f'ing water bottle or something, and i will let him play with non-toys as long as they are not dangerous as he is just exploring the world, but it is never enough and he always wants the things that are dangerous, today he choked on plastic wrap)

right now he is screaming in his playpen which i converted last week when we took the co-sleeper down (arm's reach- converted it) and he will not have it for a second. so how the f am i supposed to just "teach" him to like being in a three by four foot cage? you know? i have never liked the idea except as a crib alternative for naps, and have never left him to cry before. and even without the playpen, i could care less, i just need him to actually play for twenty minutes so i can get something done once in awhile.

i have not showered in over two weeks if that gives you any idea. i am losing weight and always dehydrated, i weigh less than before i got pregnant (and people tell me how awesome that is, it is not awesome it feels awful)

i am a single mom, so please don't tell me to have my "husband" help out.

i love my son and want to meet his needs, but when he is attached to my breast ALL night, my whole body aches from maintaining that odd side lying propped position (sleep thread for another time, another forum- i did order the no-cry sleep solution online today so hopefully that helps) but i seriously never understood how moms could shake their babies, and feared leaving him with caregivers for the past 6 mos because i thought they couldn't handle his high needs- now i am the one who just want to drop him off somewhere far away and go cry in a f'ing corner.

and naps- i have to hold him, curled in my arms, often attached to the nipple to nap, or sometimes in the sling. there is NO solutiojn i have found to transfer him, yes i put him on his stomach and i know that makes me a bad mom, but nope, doesn't help, i put a microwaved cotton clean diaper to mimic my body heat- does anyone know of a cradle type thing that would be shaped like a sling or cuddled in mamas arms? i know it would be "unsafe" so they couldn't sell it, my guess anyway, but the only time, and believe me it's one in a hundred anyway, that i can transition him for naps is when i have a heated cloth and then a down pillow or comforter and boppy all arranged just so to wrap around his body and cradle him. he literally opens his eyes the second i put him down (unless it is into another person he knows/loves' lap) and screams immediately.

he is 7 mos and just getting mobile, starting to crawl real fast and pull up all the time, so maybe it is developmental but he has always been high needs. he has two teeth and may be getting more, so far i have not sued any meds or remedies for teething. sometimes i just want to knock him out with benadryl or something. am i a horrible mother? i am crying right now and i have to go take this f'ing test (thank god i have childcare with the g'parents but it's cutting it close and i won't have a break to study or compose myself between dropping him off and trying to park on campus and take the exam..

what the heck do i do with this child? plus now that he is so mobile he throws himself around and hits his head and hurts himself every five minutes, it drives me insane, i know it is not, but i almost feel like it is intentional, i literally have to carry him or be hovering 4 inches from him every second of every day, and i know sleep deprivation is not helping my cause. i can never get schoolwork done and am always behind.

he doesn't give up either, since i started this post he is screaming louder than ever in the room next door in the playpen, which is good in a way (in general, i mean, not the current situation) because he makes his needs known and doesn't get all apathetic, he knows i do meet his needs, but i seriously am in so much physical pain from the bodily contortions of naps and nursing and slinging and sleeping 8-10 hours in a completely unnatural and uncomfortable position and even though i have help probably 5 out of every seven days for an hour to an hour and a half at a time, it's not enough, it never ends, and i am so stressed and mad, and i do not want him to feel like i am mad at him he is just a baby but why does he have to make the simplest of tasks a huge battle!?

the simplest things are a battle, he now screams at the top of his lungs when i diaper change or get him dressed, not looking forward to winter bundling and its already started here up north, i have to hold him down and i hate it so much, he doesnt want to lie on his back so he rolls away and i don't have enough arms/hands to hold him in place for a diaper change it seems, we did EC with probably 99% catches for poos and 40-75% pees and now he screams when i try to potty him, won't sit on the potty and insists on the baby position (which is not at all feasible for a 20 plus pound 7mo old, but i do it anyway when he is willing or i do diaper free time after a pottytunity and he then poops/pees on the floor. maybe i'll post on ec when i get a chance too)

i love him so much and we have such happy moments but times like this just kill me.

what is wrong with me? what is wrong with my baby??
please no flames i do not need that right now. support/suggestions welcome.

[Cujobunny]

Wow, I couldn't read and not post. I know it doesn't seem like it, but to me it sounds like you are doing an amazing job. Parenting itself is a full time job, and to try and study and do school too? You are an amazing, strong and very capable woman.

Maybe he just wants to be part of your action? Like if you're sitting at a table studying, could you sit him in a high chair and give him some crayons and paper?

For diaper changes, how about letting him hold something that is normally not a toy... remote control, telephone, that type of thing.

It sounds like he's changing, his needs are changing, his routine needs some changing up. I remember that just when I got used to our routines and life would become somewhat predictable, something would change and it all needed to be readjusted. Just take some deep breaths and take a few days to figure out what BOTH of you need and how you can meet these needs. It was quite some time before I was able to leave my dd alone while she slept, for a long time she would only nap on me. Hopefully it happens for you soon, keep trying.

Just want to be a light at the end of your tunnel... this neediness doesn't last forever. It all gets easier. Just do the best you can.

And good luck on your exam!

[NiteNicole]

There is nothing wrong with either of you! I promise! You're doing the best you can and you have conflicting things tugging at you right now. It's hard, I know it must be very hard. I did have a husband to pitch in and it was hard so you have all my good wishes.

I would suggest that if the grandparents are willing to pitch in, use all the help they'll give you and if you have friends who can help, let them. If you can hire a youngish teenager to come in a few afternoons a week to be a mother's helper - essentially to play with the baby while you're there and you can get things done, do that as well. They're usually cheap!

All that said, that age is just very intense and needy and there's not much you can do. Sometime kids are more needy than others. The best you can do is try to find someone else to pitch in so you can study when you need to.

Also, I did end up using a play pen with my daughter - mostly so I could cook or shower without holding her (she was a napping-in-arms baby and I learned to read, write, and type while holding her). I started by putting her in there for seconds at a time. Just in and out, no crying, no leaving, just here, let me put you down for five seconds...ok, time to get out. I think she never really associated it with crying, so she got used to it. Eventually I could put her in for fifteen minutes and take a shower without her getting into something and it was HUGE to be able to get a shower regularly.

I wish I had more help for you. Good luck with your exam and I hope you find someone to give you a break.

[tessie]

I'm sorry you're having a tough time.

I think you need more of a break. Can you increase the amount of time you have some help? Or even change it so you get a couple of hours one day and none the next?

Can you join some baby groups? I used to go to sensory play, singing, massage and signing because being stuck in with the baby all day drove us both nuts. It's good to get some adult company and chat to other mums about baby stuff. Everything was either free or a minimal charge as they were run by the local council, libraries etc. Might be worth checking out in your area.

I think sleep wise you've done the right thing by ordering ncss. I've heard good things about it.

With regards to naps, I had a baby who would not nap alone for months. Naps were either in the pram or sling (but only if I was pounding the pavements) or on me. I gradually transitioned her to the cot for naps by rocking her until she was drowsy then holding her in the cot (sort of arms round her) and jiggling her gently until she fell asleep. (Tummy sleeping is fine once they can roll onto it themselves.) At first it often took longer to get her to sleep than she napped but gradually it took less time and now she'll usually fall asleep within 5-10 mins. (At nursery, although they'll happily rock and jiggle her, when she's sleepy she lies down by herself. Go figure!)

Changing sleep habits, even gently, can be tough but stick with it. You clearly can't go on as you are and a non sleep-deprived mother is better for a baby than a short-tempered zombie.

The shower thing - I stick her in her highchair in the bathroom. She'll usually be fine for 10 mins, especially if I play peekaboo round the curtain.

The squirming baby is normal. I often have to chase my 10 and a half month old round the room. And she regularly screams blue murder when I change her. It's a developmental thing - they want to be off playing.

Good luck with the exam and I hope things get better soon.

[~*Trish*~]

Whew, Mama,

You are so stressed out, and I feel for you. Let me remind you that there is nothing wrong with you except that you are overwhelmed. Nobody wants to listen to crying all the time, not even the babies, I bet! It looks like your parenting instincts are in good shape. You know that he needs you, and it's hard to understand what he needs.

It would be worth the funds to take him to the clinic and get him checked out. Then you would know if he is reacting to something physical (ears, teeth, etc.)

Otherwise, he may be reacting to your anxiety. I know that when I am upset, my sons act out and everybody ends up feeling worse. Are you at a school where there are other student/parents? I guarantee that they are going through something similar to you. Maybe you could start up a babysitting swap? That way you could get some time to nap/shower/study, etc. and recharge your batteries. Everything seems harder when you're drained.

Plus, I hope you pass your test!

[sisteeesmama]

I remember that time as a realt time of change for my dd and it didn't really let up until she was about 20months, but honestly it has really gotten good and a lot easier in the last tow months(she is 22months)
Is there any chance you could take a semester off in the spring? Do you have child-care?
I really really feel for you, I know it gets hairy and you are not a bad mom!
Where do you live?

[lolar2]

Once mobility hit, I had a choice: get childcare, or fail all my classes. (I am married, but at that time DH was working many, many hours and couldn't realistically tag-team.) Do you qualify for any kind of subsidy for childcare?

[Drummer's Wife]

[InMediasRes]

, mama. You are having a really rough time! I think you are a wonderful mother, and you and your babe are just going through some hard changes.

Sleep, I recently posted on the FBNP forum that my 7mo is doing the same thing. It's crawling related for her too. We're also having the same problems with EC and not wanting to be on the floor alone. It's just rough changing things up for them and they turn to mommy for stability.

What we've been doing with DD for a while now is nursing to sleep rocking in the chair, and then do the lie down position in a bed and roll away slowly. She can't do the "being put down" thing. We used to have some luck with falling asleep in the sling and then putting her AND the sling down in a bouncy seat or a stack of pillows, but that doesn't work for us anymore. And I recently discovered that she goes to sleep better listening to some music and playing with my hair all while nursing and rocking.

When my son did this, he would regress back to wanting to be swaddled, so you might try that if it was working well before. He was always super HN baby too, and the crawling/teething sleep problems were an utter nightmare for me. There were many, many days that I wanted to sell him to the circus. I agree that you need to get yourself more of a break. Hiring a teenager to come play with him sounds like a great idea.

And I gave non-toys all the time! Pots and pans, kitchen utensils, stacks of junk mail to tear up (watching he's not eating it), an old remote that didn't go to anything, making little tunnels out of couch cushions, anything I could come up with that would buy me 5 more minutes.

[QueenOfTheMeadow]

I'm going to close this thread with the link to the thread in LWAB, since threads that are directly related to the age of the child involved need to go in the correct ages and stages forum.
http://www.mothering.com/discussions....php?t=1146149