Originally Posted by newmum35
I am so surprised to read all the posts. Nobody here sees a potential problem here?? I am concerned for the kids. It does sound like the kids are deprived to me. "they are ravenous for everything, including food" sounds like deprivation. THe food part would concern me the most (are they being abused? is food being withheld?) but their minds need stimulation too. Are they bored at home? What is an average day like? What do they do? Do they ever get punished and if so, what happens? Are you close enough to the kids that you could ask these last few questions?
I've had kids stay at my house and none of them act like this - we are usually so busy having fun and playing games that none of them ever ask for snacks, sometimes I worry that they didn't eat enough during "meals" when here that they might go home hungry, because kids do need snacks too, especially if they didn't eat a lot during mealtime.
I did read one of the posts where the parent returned a bag of pistachios and cheese sticks... seriously?!?! WTH is up with that?? Why did she have a problem with this , I can't for the life of me figure that one out, unless this child is being abused. We often send snacks and food and even little toys home with kids (they are relatives I'm referring to, but I can't really see the difference between friends either) and nobody EVER has a problem with it.. we probably do this because it was done for us when WE were kids... we would visit my grandma, and she'd always send us home with some of her healthy food from the garden, snacks or leftovers she prepared for us there... it was always much appreciated, a gracious gift, and we thought of her later at home and the next day because of it. Sharing your food with others is a GOOD THING, not something to be considered "rude" or implying some evil message that the parents aren't doing a good job!... its a gracious gift and you're supposed to be happy and accept it. If you don't like the gift given, you never return it and hurt their feelings!!
I think that was very rude of them to return the bag of treats you sent over - I understand they do not have computer or tv (I don't have an issue with) - but, do they have no manners too? That is unbelievable.
This sentence here really haunts me: "ONe of the children in particular though seems more ravenous, like she will actually take food out of someone elses hands to eat their food and will eat, eat, eat anything that is given and ask for more continouusly"
Are you sure she's not being abused? Is food ever withheld from her as a punishment? Does she have "rations" or is she allowed to eat as much as she wants at mealtimes?
IT sounds to me like she's being physically abused (doesn't necessarily have to be intentionally) by NOT getting enough to eat. OF course, it is also possible she has a medical disorder, and she IS getting enough to eat at home, but a medical condition is causing her to act this way. Someone mentioned an eating disorder, but perhaps even a nutritional deficiency of something that is not yet recognized. Like if she's deficient in something in her diet, her body may seek to get it by increasing her appetite, hoping the next thing she eats will fulfill her need! I hope she's been to the doctor for a checkup.
I think you should follow your intuitions on this one, and make sure there is nothing deeper going on that you are not aware of. ON a more positive note, perhaps if there were serious abuse going on, the mother would never let the child to your house to eat to her fill (which I sincerely hope she gets to!! - if this parent has given you ANY sort of food instructions or 'rationing' for the children, that would be setting off red flags for me.)
I don't have problem with limiting computer, tv, or toys, but let the child eat for god sake, WHAT is this mother's problem!?! Why in the world would she say "you can take this home we won't eat it" when the kids were just asking to eat it! The kids are old enough to be out of choking hazard risk (I can understand if they were toddlers, her having a problem with nuts), these are both healthy snacks, I just don't get it
We have friends and relatives who, when we visit, will send us home with special treats from the garden or some special cookies they made..THAT is sharing food. The OP CLEARLY thinks these people aren't feeding their kids enough and is puzzled at the way they live and is probably sending off that vibe pretty strongly....THEN she's trying to send them home with little baggies of snack food...NOT some cookies they made while the kids were at her house, NOT something from their garden....SNACK food that is readily available from many sources...the poor mama was probably sick of feeling like her friend doesn't think she feeds her kids enough food. TBH, depending upon the situation and how big a "you know what" I felt like that day, I would have sent it back...I would not take kindly to a "friend" of mine constantly judging me and acting like my kids weren't eating enough. THAT is the rude behavior in this situation.
I don't know what kind of kids play at your house...but I don't know many kids who don't eat like raptors when they are at someone elses house...like I said, my own kidlet is only 16 mos and she already gets the difference between my boring brown rice, beans, etc and aunties baked FRENCH FRIES...mmmmm! She GOBBLES food at other peoples homes...you would think the girl hadn't eaten in a week to see her shoving it in her mouth the way she does..when the truth is, she probably had a snack in the car on the way over!
I think you're way off base with your "abuse" comments....honestly, the OP already said that these people are not abusive, unkind, etc...that they are good and loving parents. I'd be willing to bet the farm they aren't "withholding food for punishment" - come on! Come ON!!
OKay, their kids gobble food while at other peoples homes...most kids I know do. They are crazy with toys which don't belong to them...yeah, it's like Christmas morning, all new toys to play with. And as far as the girl reaching over and grabbing food out of other peoples hands to eat....ONLY someone who was not abused as a kid would EVER see that as a sign of abuse. My mother WAS an abusive mother in both physical and emotional/mental ways...she DID have crazy punishments for us like withholding food and she WAS sometimes neglectful in order to teach us a lesson about something...let me tell you, the VERY last thing I would have EVER had the balls to do at ANY point, is something so rude as to grab food out of someone elses hand to eat it myself...if my stomach was so empty and hungry it was eating my liver, I would NEVER have risked the punishment it would have ment to do something so rude, which would have embarassed my mother so much.
People going around pointing fingers at people who are different and screaming "abuse!" is the reason why kids who are REALLY being abused slip past anyones notice...kids who are really in dire trouble, who are being abused at home and are truly fearful, are too busy trying to help their parents keep up the image that everything is okay at home to be going around snaching food out of other peoples hands. To me, the fact that the girl did that, leads me to believe that she has done it at home and that her parents are permissive enough that they haven't corrected the behavior...but then, that is their RIGHT....just like it's their right to have one parent stay at home, even though it means much less income. Just like it is their right not to stuff their children like pinatas, just like it is their RIGHT not to have tons of toys, tv, computer time, etc....THEIR right, because THEY are the parents.