Do you ever monitor what your teenager reads?

[SusanElizabeth]

I am taking a course in literature for teenagers (Young Adult Literature). We were discussing this question:

Do you in any way restrict what your teenager reads? Or do you give him or her the option of reading anything s/he wants to?

[Oriole]

anything
I had that freedom growing up, and we offer the same to DSD. She is 16, and to be honest, in my country I was graduating high school at her age, so it seems a bit absurd to be censoring her reading at this point. She likes chick lit, but so did I at her age. Some of it has adult material, but we do talk about healthy relationships and sex rather freely in the house. So that's that.

[BedHead]

Mine read whatever they want to. Online and in print.

[enkmom]

Mine also read whatever they liked. I have never monitored their reading - if they could tackle it, they could read it.

[kathymuggle]

I did up until about 12 or 13. I still give my opinion - but the choice on what to read is up to him.

He likes to read anime (some of which is violent). He watches horror movies. While these things do not give me warm fuzzies, I think the negatives that comes from restricting them at this age is worse than the content.

I also think there is an element of self care in reading or watching choices. I do not read or watch certain things because they disturb me. I try to remind him that he does not have to read or watch anything - and that if something is too muich he can put it down/turn it off. I also question (out loud) why the producers or writers felt the need to include this or that. Hopefully some of my rambings will sink in

Long story short - I try to promote smart use and analysis of media - but the decisions are up to him.

[Llyra]

My kids aren't this age yet.

But I do know that my mom allowed me to read anything at all beginning at a fairly young age, and that I was very enriched by that freedom.

I'd like to allow the same freedom. The only time I'd consider monitoring or restricting would be if I saw behaviors or ideas coming up that I found really troubling, in which case some serious conversations might be in order to find out what's really going on.

[Ruthla]

I've never censored what they read, other than warning a child "I think this book may be too graphic or too hard and you may not want to read it." I do often make suggestions about what books I think my kids might like, but I've never actually restricted them from reading a book they wanted to read.

I do "monitor" what they read, in that occasionally I'll read a book they've read so we can discuss it. I read almost everything that DD2 reads, but only because we have very similar taste in books and, in general, if she's enjoyed a book I'll want to read it too. I can't say the same for DD1 or DS- I keep an eye on what they're reading, but I don't read absolutely eveyrthing they do because it's not necessary and I'd find it boring.

I'm OK with my teens reading graphic sex or violence- as long as it's not so graphic as to make them uncomfortable (or so sexually explicit that I could get into legal trouble for "exposing minors to pornography"). I was reading Harlequinn Romance "novels" when I was 14, why would I prevent my own kids from reading similar things at similar ages?

I also want to point out that "young adult books" aren't challenging enough for many bright teenagers. DD2 needs to write down vocabulary words from books she reads, words she didn't already know, and it's hard for her to find books that contain new words since shes' read so much. I may have to move over to the adult section to find books "her reading level" and then there's even more exposure to graphic scenes. She's been reading the "YA" books since she was 9 or 10.

[mommy2two babes]

My kids are not that age yet but I cannot see myself ever sensoring something that they want to read.
My parents gave me the freedom to read whatever I wanted and I would imagine that if I had been limited I would not have had such a love of books.

[ZoraP]

I don't censor my nearly 10yo dd, but we do talk a lot about her reading choices. So far I feel like she's making good choices and when something needs to be discussed she usually brings it up herself. (Like a novel she read recently about girls with eating disorders, for example.)

My mother did censor me and I became a furtive reader of "forbidden" literature at least by age 10 -- I learned how to sneak off to adult sections of the library and bookstores and then retreat to the "kids' section" so she wouldn't know what I was reading. I read some things that were inappropriate and now I wish I'd been able to talk about them with her instead of hide them from her.

But I do still love to read.

[ollyoxenfree]

Monitor - yes. Censor - no.

Huge difference between the two, at least to me.

I try to read almost everything they do, unless I really can't tolerate it (some of those horribly written tween novels). They often pick up books that I have been reading. I'll make suggestions about books all the time eg. "There are a lot of adult relationships and sex scenes" or "There is some disturbing violence", but let them know that it's up to them whether to continue reading. I've never known them to persist with one of these books.

We've always discussed the books we read, from the time before they could actually read independently. If they are reading something that I have concerns about, we talk about the issues. For example, I really disliked the Twilight books, and there was a lot to talk about with them. Unhealthy relationships, poor choices,terrible decision-making...in addition to the bad, bad writing. They have become critical readers and critical thinkers as a result...and it all started with discussing why the run-away bunny wanted to leave and why his mama followed, LOL.

My parents never supervised my reading. I read a lot of "inappropriate" material as a child. I skipped over most of the sex and violence and didn't get a lot of it - it just went over my head.

[SuzyLee]

I started sneaking my mom's slutty romance novels at around 16

I have no idea if she would have let me (probably would have) but no way was I going to ask her if she minded me borrowing her smut books! I hid them udner my bed (the same place she hid hers). I am sure she knew I was taking them, LOL.

[Storm Bride]

I've never really restricted ds1's reading. I monitored it until he was about 12 or so. He never read anything that seemed even remotely objectionable. If anything he read bothered him, he talked to me about it, anyway. These days, he mostly reads comics (my old ones!) and Marvel related encyclopedias and such.

DS1 has a much stronger tolerance for a lot of things than I ever had, even as a teen. He's quite capable of monitoring his own reactions to things, so I let him do that. The nastiest stuff he reads is all assigned in English, anyway.

[cschick]

Originally Posted by SusanElizabeth

I am taking a course in literature for teenagers (Young Adult Literature). We were discussing this question:

Do you in any way restrict what your teenager reads? Or do you give him or her the option of reading anything s/he wants to?

I don't have a teen yet . . . but this is my perspective.

About age 8, I was allowed to walk to the library myself (it was about 4 blocks away, city neighborhood). I recall checking out books from the "adult fiction" area (in my case, classic literature) from that library, and we moved out of that neighborhood by the time I turned 10. Neither my mother nor the librarian ever tried to restrict what I was reading. And I was a kid who could, by age 8/9, read a 200-300 page novel in an afternoon.

In our new neighborhood, the library wasn't in walking distance, but was directly next to the community pool. We went to the pool once a week or so, and I walked over to the library while my mom and the rest of my sibs were at the pool. At that point, I was generally taking out 5-6 books per visit.

Sure, I read some stuff I probably shouldn't have; even when I was young, if I ran out of "my" books to read, I picked up one of my mom's books. And she had a fascination with chicklit. I think that stuff was more disturbing than anything I stumbled across on my own.

If I have a kid who reads as obsessively as I did . . . first, well, he can read through my thousands of books, and I'm sure that I have many books in there that someone, somewhere, could find objectable. I remember a teacher confiscating Fahrenheit 451 from me in 6th grade (no, I wasn't reading it in class, but at lunch), and my mom giving the school secretary she had to reclaim it from a good WTF??? lecture on that one. I'm not going to be overly concerned about moderating what he reads from that collection, or from the library.

[littleteapot]

I'm with an above poster: monitor (in the sense of "know about") sure... but restrict? Never. It just creates a situation where they'd be forced to lie or sneak, instead of taking the opportunity for discussion.

[kathymuggle]

Originally Posted by Storm Bride

The nastiest stuff he reads is all assigned in English, anyway.

Too true! The most disturbing stuff I have ever read was in English class as well (Lord of the Flies, Of Mice and Men or The Pearl, anyone?)

Kathy

[mtiger]

Nope. Which is not to say I don't know what they're reading. Both read well above their "age", and that's fine. We share a lot of books - I'd never have read Joan Didion's "Year of Magical Thinking" were it not for my son (fantastic book, btw). Some I like, some I don't.

[Irishmommy]

Originally Posted by ollyoxenfree

Monitor - yes. Censor - no.

Huge difference between the two, at least to me.

I try to read almost everything they do, unless I really can't tolerate it (some of those horribly written tween novels). They often pick up books that I have been reading. I'll make suggestions about books all the time eg. "There are a lot of adult relationships and sex scenes" or "There is some disturbing violence", but let them know that it's up to them whether to continue reading. I've never known them to persist with one of these books.

We've always discussed the books we read, from the time before they could actually read independently. If they are reading something that I have concerns about, we talk about the issues. For example, I really disliked the Twilight books, and there was a lot to talk about with them. Unhealthy relationships, poor choices,terrible decision-making...in addition to the bad, bad writing. They have become critical readers and critical thinkers as a result...and it all started with discussing why the run-away bunny wanted to leave and why his mama followed, LOL.

My parents never supervised my reading. I read a lot of "inappropriate" material as a child. I skipped over most of the sex and violence and didn't get a lot of it - it just went over my head.

I could have written that - right down to disliking Twilight. I've only ever once had to suggest she not read a book (Outlander, she was, I think, 13). I told her that there was a lot of sex in it, and she might want to wait to read it. She's now 15 and afaik, hasn't read it yet.

[BelovedK]

Good subject to bring up. My DD is almost 10, and is an avid reader. She has a fascination with horror and scary things. I think that is fine and support her in her interests, but I found myself in a situation last weekend when she brought a disturbing murder, scary book to me and really wanted it. I was concerned about the content, but we discussed it and i suggested that she look at other books and if she really wanted it I would get it for her and maybe we could read it together (we still read together.) She looked and ended up choosing another book. I can't remember the name of the book in question, but read the back and it was clearly written for older teens.

She also shows interest in the 'Alice' books by Phyliss Reynolds Naylor (not sure if I spelled that right) They t=deal with older teen issues like teen pregnancy. I am all for her reading them if she is interested. I think I will buy her the collection for the holidays.

[ollyoxenfree]

Originally Posted by BelovedK

Good subject to bring up. My DD is almost 10, and is an avid reader. She has a fascination with horror and scary things. I think that is fine and support her in her interests, but I found myself in a situation last weekend when she brought a disturbing murder, scary book to me and really wanted it. I was concerned about the content, but we discussed it and i suggested that she look at other books and if she really wanted it I would get it for her and maybe we could read it together (we still read together.) She looked and ended up choosing another book. I can't remember the name of the book in question, but read the back and it was clearly written for older teens.

She also shows interest in the 'Alice' books by Phyliss Reynolds Naylor (not sure if I spelled that right) They t=deal with older teen issues like teen pregnancy. I am all for her reading them if she is interested. I think I will buy her the collection for the holidays.

DD loved the Alice books at the same age. I really like how Reynolds Naylor handles many issues confronting the children in her books. DD and I haven't read the later books set in high school, but I can imagine that there is some mature content. DD was side-tracked to other books before she reached the older Alice books. I may have helped with the side-tracking a little, LOL, but if DD brought them home I wouldn't have forbidden them.

[BelovedK]

I <3 Reynolds Naylor. I just found a supernatural series by her (can't remember the name) They look right up DD's alley. I found the whole set (hardback) at a going out of business used book store

Sorry, I am taking the thread off topic