Do you ever monitor what your teenager reads? - Page 3

[chiromamma]

Originally Posted by SuzyLee

I started sneaking my mom's slutty romance novels at around 16

I have no idea if she would have let me (probably would have) but no way was I going to ask her if she minded me borrowing her smut books! I hid them udner my bed (the same place she hid hers). I am sure she knew I was taking them, LOL.

Ha ha.
I found my mother's copy of The Joy of Sex and How To Be a Sensuous Woman when I was 11. My sister and I devoured them. A few years ago my daughter found my copies of Anias Nin and The Story of O. She and her best friend read them cover to cover in one night! I think that was the pint where I decided there was no way I could sensor my kids' reading without emptying our bookshelves.

[ollyoxenfree]

Originally Posted by AbigailGrace

There are way too many good books out there, imho, to 'have' to let them read trash.

We actually have more issues with movies, than we have books! Because a movie can be 95% kid-friendly but it's that visual 5% that'll suck the young life right out of them...

I find that my dc have learned to be quite discerning and critical about what they read BECAUSE I haven't restricted their choices. They read all sorts of material, including excellent quality children's - and now adult - literature. They still read trashy books - for fun and to find out what their friends are reading. It hasn't stopped them from reading Jane Austen, George Orwell and Lewis Carroll, to name 3 authors my 13 y.o. DD has read in the past couple of months.

I agree about the problem with movies. I had no problem with DS reading A Clockwork Orange when he was 14. I have a much bigger issue with him seeing the movie - even now that he is 16.

[Labbemama]

No, I don't censor what she reads. I would probably intervene if she started reading bodice rippers. And yeah a lot of what she is reading is quite disturbing stuff for AP English.

I know a lot of kids into anime and I would probably screen some of that with my teenage son.

[Oriole]

Originally Posted by AbigailGrace

However, that being said, our daughter (13) has no issues with how she is being raised and the morals & values we have in place so there hasn't been an issue with books. I have even helped her pick out books, only to find out there were things in it that were inappropriate. She always brings them to me with disgust and chooses not to continue reading them. None of my kids baulk at my help in finding them books. There are way too many good books out there, imho, to 'have' to let them read trash.

I was thinking about your post today. How long, do you think, you will keep supervising their reading?

Also, I wonder how many books can one advise their child against without actually reading the book? Do you label the book as "trash" after reading it? before reading? or from judging by the cover? I ask this because DSD and I had pretty cool conversations on relationships after she read "those kinds" of books. So my question is, why is a book a "bad" book, if it promotes understanding of the concepts that I want my kid to think about, AND is fun for them?

[chiromamma]

Originally Posted by Oriole

I was thinking about your post today. How long, do you think, you will keep supervising their reading?

Also, I wonder how many books can one advise their child against without actually reading the book? Do you label the book as "trash" after reading it? before reading? or from judging by the cover? I ask this because DSD and I had pretty cool conversations on relationships after she read "those kinds" of books. So my question is, why is a book a "bad" book, if it promotes understanding of the concepts that I want my kid to think about, AND is fun for them?

Yup. I was thinking the same thing.
For instance, we're Jewish. Recently, DD discovered the Bhagavad Gita. It sparked incredible dinner table conversations...both DH and I have read it. We've explored parallels, contrasts, unity in the two traditions.
Same with Gossip Girl books. I made myself read them when DD was immersed. We discussed the values (or lack thereof) that the characters displayed. We also explored the similarities between the GG characters and folks we know who actually live like that. We also explored how poor writing can still make someone a lucrative living. GG books are an excellent exploration of mediocrity and superficiality.
When DD found our "Sex" books (hidden in our bedroom closet)we had no choice but to begin the discussion of sacred sex. She was only in the 5th grade but we had to address those Chinese silk screens with over-sized and somewhat intimidating organs.
In short, keeping the literary world wide open to our voracious reader has been the only way to go.

[KaylaBeanie]

I'm 20, and grew up with no restrictions on what I read. I also LOVE the Alice series, and still read the new books as they come out. I remember reading "Are You There God, it's Me Margaret" when I was about 10, and a few of my friends weren't allowed to read it. While my mom had always been very open about periods, and there were never any hang-ups about it, it was nice for me to actually be able to immerse myself in the story of a girl getting her period, and when I got mine two years later I had gotten both the informative talks from mom and the "personal" story.

Same with trashy romance novels. I started reading them in early high school. I found that with reading all those dark, depressing novels for school, I wanted something with a guaranteed happy ending. It also helped me understand sexuality a little more without actually having to SEE it. Obviously the books are a little unrealistic, with candles and ten orgasms a day, but when you're 14 and only know the mechanics due to an abstinence only education, it's nice to be able to learn about it from non-embarrassing sources.

As a result, I can say pretty assuredly that I won't restrict what my future kids read. My sister and I have always read years ahead of schedule, and we read probably 2-3 books a week(sadly only one a week now as I'm in college). If I saw my child gravitating towards very violent books, I'd reconsider, but I've found that it's the forbidden fruit that most tempting.

[Labbemama]

I totally am into reading what my kids read if they show a real interest in it, it's usually pretty good.

[aniT]

No.

[Labbemama]

I also discovered "the Joy of Sex" and "Kama Sutra" while babysitting at other people's houses.

[A&A]

Originally Posted by chiromamma

It would be a full time job to monitor what my 14yo DD reads. She simply devours books.
.

same with my dd.

[Linda on the move]

My kids are such avid readers that I cannot keep up with all they read. I let them recommend books to me and enjoying connecting with them by talking about books they like, but I only read a fraction of what they read.

I wouldn't want to limit them to only books that I had time to read first or forbid books based on what someone else said about them. Plus, forbidding a book was a way to get me to read it when I was growing up, so I just don't see that working.

None the less, I am uncomfortable with a series that my 13 old likes (The House of Night) because it discusses oral sex. I still don't believe in censorship, but I find it uncomfortable.

[MariaMadly]

Never censored. How would they learn to think for themselves? Another angle of it for us was the conviction that whatever we were trying to show them had to hold up no matter what they read or encountered, or it was worthless.

Our younger one is in HS and taking an English course that included an essay about whether the students' reading / watching / computing had been monitored or restricted by parents. I believe there was a component asking for their opinions of the decision, and I so wish to be a fly on the teacher's wall to see what the students think of all this!

[kirstenb]

I never had the books I read censored by my parents and don't plan on doing it to DS either, when we get to that point. I was reading adult books by the time I was 11 or 12. I read so much I don't think there was any way for them to even keep up with what I was reading.

If DS started reading books I didn't feel comfortable with, I would much rather discuss it with him than ban it... I think banning books just make them more desirable to read!

[AAK]

My dd is only 9, but in general I have an open library policy. I read fast too, though, so if something looks "adultish" I will read it first. So far, I haven't forbidden anything. I make sure I am available to discuss what she reads and sometimes I will bring up things that I know she has read and we talk about it. My dh has a hard time with the open library concept, but I really believe that if it is over their head, it isn't that interesting (unless forbidden). So far, the books that I really didn't think she would be truly ready for, she has put them down saying that they are boring.

My parents never forbid me growing up, but I still had a feeling of needing to keep things secret--like "if they ever found out. . . " type of thinking. But I read a lot and my parents didn't. Once, I did give my mom a book to read and afterwards she was in shock that I had been reading "that stuff" and she didn't know. But, she was smart enough to know that she wouldn't be able to prevent me from reading stuff. By then, I was in 8th or 9th grade. I think she was happy that my best friends mom read everything too, and knew that there was an adult (actually a few) that I regularly book chatted with.

Amy