How do you handle the post-work-pre-bedtime hours?

[Teenytoona]

So, DH and I are both working 8-5 jobs. His is about a half hour one way commute, mine about an hour. That leaves us (with him picking up the kids) all getting home at around 6. Usually I get in at about 10 til, have a few minutes to pee, and maybe start prepping for dinner.

Soon as DH gets home, DD wants to nurse and will not stand for anything else but that happening. (I guess I can't blame her, we're apart for about 11 hours a day). If I've got dinner begun, DH will pickup where I left off. If I haven't, sometimes he thinks of something to make, other times, he suggests we grab takeout. Actually I suggest takeout alot too.

But anyways between making dinner and me nursing, DH is trying to review homework with the two older kids. We maybe get to eat supper by like 7, sometimes as late as 8. Then we try to squeeze in whatever baths we can (which has seemed less and less lately).

DD get tired at about 8-8:30, sometimes, though rarely, as late as 9. Usually I nurse her down and conk out in the process, sometimes I stay awake. Big kids go to bed at 9:30. DH will go to sleep anytime around that depending on the day.

I really feel there is no time for anything in the evenings. If we're lucky we get to some of the dishes, but that's rare. We have a mountain of dishes constantly and usually it's a Saturday morning chore that takes up too much time.

How do you manage this? WHat have been your tips and tricks? We have less time in the morning, so that's not an option. I feel like I run so ragged on weekdays that weekends the thought of extra time for meal planning and big cooking extravaganzas make me tired before I can even get started.

[mysticmomma]

could you hire a mothers helper in the evening to start dinner and do dishes, etc?

[Ellien C]

I only have 1 kid and I do very, very little in the evenings. We are mercifully not nursing anymore, but we did for years and there was very little time. Like you, I conk out by 9:30 or 10 pm, about the same time as my daughter.

I just don't give my daughter a bath on the weekdays. We do that sunday night together as our way of saying goodbye and getting ready for the week. Sometimes, since she seldom wears socks, we will wash her feet. Really it's just dinner, maybe a little TV or computer (if we eat at 7 and not at 8), brush teeth, pickout clothes, stories and bed. Using a crock-pot once a week or having leftovers that don't need prep helps a lot. As does somekind of casserole that is already prepared, that you don't have to stand around and watch - where you just throw it in the oven and forget about it while you nurse.

For me, getting a plan together for dinner has helped a lot. I still struggle with it, but the weeks go so much better when I have a dinner plan. I also assigned DH 3 nights a week to prepare dinner and made him totally responsible for those nights - take out, leftovers, crockpot, steak - you figure it out. That meant I only had to cook 3 nights a week and we plan take-out on the last night.

I like to go to a meal-making service, where I pay some money and spend 2 hours making up 12 dishes at their facility. These go in the freezer and I have that casserole-type thing I can throw in the oven and take out 40 minutes later. If I'm home at 5:50, that means dinner can be on the table by 6:30, which is good in my house.

I'm also not above a bowl of cereal or scrambled eggs on really bad days. But there are only 3 of us. I don't have older children to worry about feeding.

It's also helped tremendously to switch my hours to get off at 4:30 instead of 5:00. Would that be a possibility for you? You might shorten the commute a little with less traffic.

[Rowansmama]

Well my situation is slightly different since I WAH instead of WOH, but I still have the same struggles with DH coming home/dinner/bedtime, etc.

My biggest tip is to MEAL PLAN. I know...blech, boring, blah. But really, whatever day you get groceries, go through your fridge and pantry the day before, make a meal plan, and get exactly what you need. Eventually, you should have enough meals to have a 2 week rotation. Then it's completely thoughtless. Some of our meals are things like chicken and veggies, homemade pizza, etc...quick and easy things. Many of these meals should be things that create leftovers that can freeze (chili, lasagna, casseroles, etc).

Friday night is always take out or eating out night.

My second tip is to set your alarm and get up before everyone else. I know, this too SUCKS. But when I get up an hour before everyone, not only do I have a nice bit of time to drink tea and take a breather, I can think get anything chopped that needs chopping, get ingredients together, etc, so when it's time to cook, all I (or DH) has to do is throw it together. The slow cooker is also my friend - I can throw a roast in the morning and it's ready by supper.

Hope some of this helps!

[GuildJenn]

I find planning helps. We use the crockpot and bread maker liberally. Here's a sort of typical week:

Sunday - roast chicken, potatoes, vegetables, as well as bake a lentil-rice or pasta casserole at the same time (sometimes I make double pasta on Saturdays so as to have the pasta to fold into a casserole); make a bean or pasta or rice salad; prep cut raw veggies for sides

Monday - Sunday leftovers, perhaps in a new way like chicken potato veggie wraps (tossed in ranch dressing before stuck in the wraps) + bean salad

Tuesday - reheat casserole for dinner; eat with raw veggies and dip. Tuesday night: fill crock of crockpot and stick in fridge

Wednesday - crockpot stew/soup + salad leftovers (or green salad, or coleslaw)

Thursday - crockpot leftovers reheated + buttered noodles, or fresh bread from the breadmaker (set breadmaker before leaving Thurs morning), or cheese toast

Friday - omlettes + toast

Saturday - time to make any dinner we want, basically

For dishes, we do them together some nights (family time) or I do them in the morning. I don't know about your kids' energy levels but I wonder if dinner were basically pretty close to ready via crockpot or planning whether one of you could supervise homework while the other did the dishes (trading off, and everyone close together) so that there would be a rhythm to cleaning up.

Part of the joy of the crockpot is that there isn't really all that much mess, generally (I avoid recipes where you have to pre-brown something).

It kind of sounds like it's mostly the dinner prep blowing your schedule & energy. But I also think it's good to remember that the nursing stage will not be forever and it will get easier in some ways.

Oh P.S. - another trick is to pre wash and chop veggies and tofu or meat for a quick stirfry.

[caenach]

Sounds like our evenings, only we just have the one DD! I don't know how you do it with three!

What I aim for is to get home around 6, nurse/hold napping DD until 6:45, get dinner on the table by 7:15, eat/bath/dress for bed by 8, and then DD's usually done by around 8:30.

Like GuildJenn, we do some meal prep on Sundays so that we can reduce the time needed to get dinner on the table, or so that DH can do some of the prep work (boiling water for pasta, lighting grill, whatever) while DD is nursing. Even if it takes 1/2 hour for the meal to complete--it's not all intensive cooking time, so I can usually play with DD during that time as well. I try to include her in what I'm doing as much as I can. And DH usually does the dishes late at night, since he stays up much later than DD and I, so that's not so much of an issue for us.

Some nights it's still a rush and I feel like I haven't taken a breath all day, but sometimes it goes really well, too.

I know what you mean about the weekend. Sometimes it's hard for me to sacrifice those hours on Sunday to the meal-prep. But I think about how much easier it will make the whole week and how I'll get that extra hour or so in the evening to play with DD. DH makes it a lot easier by taking DD out of the house for 2-3 hours on Sunday afternoon. They go have Daddy-fun-time in a park or something like that and I turn on the music, open a window, and enjoy the alone-time while cooking (but then, I love cooking). That's usually enough time for me to roast some chickens, make a few big pots of spaghetti and stew and soup for the week, and maybe even do some baking.

[Teenytoona]

Originally Posted by mysticmomma

could you hire a mothers helper in the evening to start dinner and do dishes, etc?

Not in the budget right now. We're trying to pay off alot of debt.

Originally Posted by Ellien C

I only have 1 kid and I do very, very little in the evenings. We are mercifully not nursing anymore, but we did for years and there was very little time. Like you, I conk out by 9:30 or 10 pm, about the same time as my daughter.

I just don't give my daughter a bath on the weekdays. We do that sunday night together as our way of saying goodbye and getting ready for the week. Sometimes, since she seldom wears socks, we will wash her feet. Really it's just dinner, maybe a little TV or computer (if we eat at 7 and not at 8), brush teeth, pickout clothes, stories and bed. Using a crock-pot once a week or having leftovers that don't need prep helps a lot. As does somekind of casserole that is already prepared, that you don't have to stand around and watch - where you just throw it in the oven and forget about it while you nurse.

For me, getting a plan together for dinner has helped a lot. I still struggle with it, but the weeks go so much better when I have a dinner plan. I also assigned DH 3 nights a week to prepare dinner and made him totally responsible for those nights - take out, leftovers, crockpot, steak - you figure it out. That meant I only had to cook 3 nights a week and we plan take-out on the last night.

I like to go to a meal-making service, where I pay some money and spend 2 hours making up 12 dishes at their facility. These go in the freezer and I have that casserole-type thing I can throw in the oven and take out 40 minutes later. If I'm home at 5:50, that means dinner can be on the table by 6:30, which is good in my house.

I'm also not above a bowl of cereal or scrambled eggs on really bad days. But there are only 3 of us. I don't have older children to worry about feeding.

It's also helped tremendously to switch my hours to get off at 4:30 instead of 5:00. Would that be a possibility for you? You might shorten the commute a little with less traffic.

Glad to see I'm not the only one. I do sometimes toss DD in the bath with DSD. DSD doesn't love that tho, she'd rather spend hours in the bath alone. Well actually both of them would spend hours in the bath if they could, BUT I can't leave DD up there on her own.

I'm finding that DSS is starting to eat way more than before. Everytime I think I cooked enough for DH and I to have leftovers for lunch at work... DSS chows down. I guess I just have to start buying more. Hoo boy, we are on the verge of growing boy mega-eats.

Originally Posted by Rowansmama

Well my situation is slightly different since I WAH instead of WOH, but I still have the same struggles with DH coming home/dinner/bedtime, etc.

My biggest tip is to MEAL PLAN. I know...blech, boring, blah. But really, whatever day you get groceries, go through your fridge and pantry the day before, make a meal plan, and get exactly what you need. Eventually, you should have enough meals to have a 2 week rotation. Then it's completely thoughtless. Some of our meals are things like chicken and veggies, homemade pizza, etc...quick and easy things. Many of these meals should be things that create leftovers that can freeze (chili, lasagna, casseroles, etc).

Friday night is always take out or eating out night.

My second tip is to set your alarm and get up before everyone else. I know, this too SUCKS. But when I get up an hour before everyone, not only do I have a nice bit of time to drink tea and take a breather, I can think get anything chopped that needs chopping, get ingredients together, etc, so when it's time to cook, all I (or DH) has to do is throw it together. The slow cooker is also my friend - I can throw a roast in the morning and it's ready by supper.

Hope some of this helps!

I have meal planned, but I got burnt out after the first few weeks. We always eat out on Fridays too, it seems.

I already get up at 5 am, and while I was getting up at 4:15 to workout, I had to cut that out as I was perpetually falling asleep on my commute.

Originally Posted by GuildJenn

I find planning helps. We use the crockpot and bread maker liberally. Here's a sort of typical week:

Sunday - roast chicken, potatoes, vegetables, as well as bake a lentil-rice or pasta casserole at the same time (sometimes I make double pasta on Saturdays so as to have the pasta to fold into a casserole); make a bean or pasta or rice salad; prep cut raw veggies for sides

Monday - Sunday leftovers, perhaps in a new way like chicken potato veggie wraps (tossed in ranch dressing before stuck in the wraps) + bean salad

Tuesday - reheat casserole for dinner; eat with raw veggies and dip. Tuesday night: fill crock of crockpot and stick in fridge

Wednesday - crockpot stew/soup + salad leftovers (or green salad, or coleslaw)

Thursday - crockpot leftovers reheated + buttered noodles, or fresh bread from the breadmaker (set breadmaker before leaving Thurs morning), or cheese toast

Friday - omlettes + toast

Saturday - time to make any dinner we want, basically

For dishes, we do them together some nights (family time) or I do them in the morning. I don't know about your kids' energy levels but I wonder if dinner were basically pretty close to ready via crockpot or planning whether one of you could supervise homework while the other did the dishes (trading off, and everyone close together) so that there would be a rhythm to cleaning up.

Part of the joy of the crockpot is that there isn't really all that much mess, generally (I avoid recipes where you have to pre-brown something).

It kind of sounds like it's mostly the dinner prep blowing your schedule & energy. But I also think it's good to remember that the nursing stage will not be forever and it will get easier in some ways.

Oh P.S. - another trick is to pre wash and chop veggies and tofu or meat for a quick stirfry.

Oh my crockpot... boohoohoo. It busted. We are in the market for a new one, it's just that it will be a few more weeks yet.

Originally Posted by caenach

Sounds like our evenings, only we just have the one DD! I don't know how you do it with three!

What I aim for is to get home around 6, nurse/hold napping DD until 6:45, get dinner on the table by 7:15, eat/bath/dress for bed by 8, and then DD's usually done by around 8:30.

Like GuildJenn, we do some meal prep on Sundays so that we can reduce the time needed to get dinner on the table, or so that DH can do some of the prep work (boiling water for pasta, lighting grill, whatever) while DD is nursing. Even if it takes 1/2 hour for the meal to complete--it's not all intensive cooking time, so I can usually play with DD during that time as well. I try to include her in what I'm doing as much as I can. And DH usually does the dishes late at night, since he stays up much later than DD and I, so that's not so much of an issue for us.

Some nights it's still a rush and I feel like I haven't taken a breath all day, but sometimes it goes really well, too.

I know what you mean about the weekend. Sometimes it's hard for me to sacrifice those hours on Sunday to the meal-prep. But I think about how much easier it will make the whole week and how I'll get that extra hour or so in the evening to play with DD. DH makes it a lot easier by taking DD out of the house for 2-3 hours on Sunday afternoon. They go have Daddy-fun-time in a park or something like that and I turn on the music, open a window, and enjoy the alone-time while cooking (but then, I love cooking). That's usually enough time for me to roast some chickens, make a few big pots of spaghetti and stew and soup for the week, and maybe even do some baking.

WOw you get all that done in 2-3 hours?!? All that much would take me DAYS! I'm not an efficient cooker and I would use up a billion dishes that I'd then have to wash.

Been trying to get the big kids to do the dishes, but it's not been a very successful venture.

Ah well... Iguess it's just a rush.

[kcparker]

Oh, it sounds like you live at MY house, except sometimes we don't get dinner ready until 9 p.m. and DS and I don't go to sleep until 10 p.m. (and he's only two).

I used to try to fight this, but it's just the way things are. I TRY to get some cooking done ahead of time on the weekends, but that's usually gone by Wednesday. We sometimes just do quick dinners - quesadillas and steamed veggies or pasta with steamed veggies and home-made pesto (that I managed to make, by some miracle, over the weekend). In the winter, crockpot soups are good time-savers if one of the adults can get it together to throw ingredients in the pot either the night before or in the morning.

Sometimes we get some/most/all of the dishes done, but often there are still pots or a soaking casserole dish in the sink, if not a mound of dishes. If we had extra $ to redo the kitchen, I'd get a dishwasher, but we'd have to rip out cabinets and do more to the kitchen than what we can afford right now...

Mostly, I try to enjoy the evenings with DS - the nursing as soon as I am home from work, sometimes drawing with him while DH makes dinner, sometimes getting DS to help with meal prep, doing a puzzle to wind down after dinner or reading books with him before bed. He won't remember if the dishes got done or not, and the time with him is more valuable than the clean kitchen (and more fun). As he gets older, he can do more to help with meal prep and cleaning, and that will be another nice way to spend time with him.

[rhianna813]

I hear you on this topic! And I commend you for handling such a hectic schedule with 3 kids, including a nursling. Sounds like you and DH have a great team mentality which is very vital.

We have only one child who just started half day kindergarten. This changed a lot with our schedule because before this he had a very late night bedtime and not much of a routine. I work 8-5 and get home at 5:30, unless I run errands first. My DH is a SAHD which has not worked out as I would have liked. Whole ‘nother story but to say the least he does not help with dinner or housework, instead creates a lot of messes while I am at work. It’s like having 2 kids and living on a single mom income. Blech.

Currently DS is going to bed at 9:00 but we are aiming to make it 8:00 by next year when he will be in school full time. So far I have been trying to establish an evening routine but it’s an adjustment for me too.

I make dinner when I get home and try to do some dishes while I am at it. What throws off our week is if there are evening activities outside the home. For us it might be kid stuff like Scouts or school functions or for me it’s community activities or my women’s group. Also my mom invites us over for dinner or can you swing by and pick this up or I made extra pie…. It’s nice but it’s always short notice. Housework and dishes never get done on these days, and once they’ve piled up I can never wrangle them back in. Plus if anyone gets sick… oh-my-god the house goes haywire. (this has been the case lately)

I try to get DS his bath at 7:00 every other night on the weekdays. He has VERY long curly hair that is envy of everyone but it’s a pain to wash and detangle LOL. We attempt to start his bedtime routine at 8:30 and then to bed for story at 9:00 or so. After that point I either try to watch one of the TV shows I like, while doing housework OR I just zone there like a zombie. I always say I will get to bed at 10 but that has yet to happen. More like 11 – 11:30, especially if I want to really unwind and read a book.

So far we’re supposed to be doing some suggested activities with DS each week as “homework” but this hasn’t even happened yet. I have no idea where real homework will fit in next year. I also never seem to get my lunch made for the next day and end up scrapping it or buying something.

One of my hard points is if DS goes to bed at 8:00, that only gives me 2.5 max to see him each day. And most of that time will be frantically running some schedule

Here are my ideas for improvement:

Continue to organize and simplify dinners and prepping lunches – total work in progress.

Have meals in the freezer for sick, busy or all hell breaks loose days.

Tell mom to schedule the dinners at her place in advanced so I can plan around them.

Eliminate more TV. It’s a drug like destresser for me but it warps time. I’d rather read or work on a hobby. And spend more quality time with DS, not just zoning.

Make a list of things DH must help with and assign him dinner days. Also a work in progress.

Go to bed at 10:00. Period. This is so I can get up earlier when the house is quiet and perhaps do some yoga or have a cup of tea.

And… hate to do it but it’s needed: I am taking 2 days of vacation time this month so I can have long weekend and clean my house! It’s in the sorriest shape ever and needs to be deep cleaned and organized before winter.

Take care!

Rhianna

[Teenytoona]

Originally Posted by kcparker

Oh, it sounds like you live at MY house, except sometimes we don't get dinner ready until 9 p.m. and DS and I don't go to sleep until 10 p.m. (and he's only two).

I used to try to fight this, but it's just the way things are. I TRY to get some cooking done ahead of time on the weekends, but that's usually gone by Wednesday. We sometimes just do quick dinners - quesadillas and steamed veggies or pasta with steamed veggies and home-made pesto (that I managed to make, by some miracle, over the weekend). In the winter, crockpot soups are good time-savers if one of the adults can get it together to throw ingredients in the pot either the night before or in the morning.

Sometimes we get some/most/all of the dishes done, but often there are still pots or a soaking casserole dish in the sink, if not a mound of dishes. If we had extra $ to redo the kitchen, I'd get a dishwasher, but we'd have to rip out cabinets and do more to the kitchen than what we can afford right now...

Mostly, I try to enjoy the evenings with DS - the nursing as soon as I am home from work, sometimes drawing with him while DH makes dinner, sometimes getting DS to help with meal prep, doing a puzzle to wind down after dinner or reading books with him before bed. He won't remember if the dishes got done or not, and the time with him is more valuable than the clean kitchen (and more fun). As he gets older, he can do more to help with meal prep and cleaning, and that will be another nice way to spend time with him.

Wish I could adopt this. It's just the dishes mess stresses me out.

Originally Posted by rhianna813

I hear you on this topic! And I commend you for handling such a hectic schedule with 3 kids, including a nursling. Sounds like you and DH have a great team mentality which is very vital.

We have only one child who just started half day kindergarten. This changed a lot with our schedule because before this he had a very late night bedtime and not much of a routine. I work 8-5 and get home at 5:30, unless I run errands first. My DH is a SAHD which has not worked out as I would have liked. Whole ‘nother story but to say the least he does not help with dinner or housework, instead creates a lot of messes while I am at work. It’s like having 2 kids and living on a single mom income. Blech.

Currently DS is going to bed at 9:00 but we are aiming to make it 8:00 by next year when he will be in school full time. So far I have been trying to establish an evening routine but it’s an adjustment for me too.

I make dinner when I get home and try to do some dishes while I am at it. What throws off our week is if there are evening activities outside the home. For us it might be kid stuff like Scouts or school functions or for me it’s community activities or my women’s group. Also my mom invites us over for dinner or can you swing by and pick this up or I made extra pie…. It’s nice but it’s always short notice. Housework and dishes never get done on these days, and once they’ve piled up I can never wrangle them back in. Plus if anyone gets sick… oh-my-god the house goes haywire. (this has been the case lately)

I try to get DS his bath at 7:00 every other night on the weekdays. He has VERY long curly hair that is envy of everyone but it’s a pain to wash and detangle LOL. We attempt to start his bedtime routine at 8:30 and then to bed for story at 9:00 or so. After that point I either try to watch one of the TV shows I like, while doing housework OR I just zone there like a zombie. I always say I will get to bed at 10 but that has yet to happen. More like 11 – 11:30, especially if I want to really unwind and read a book.

So far we’re supposed to be doing some suggested activities with DS each week as “homework” but this hasn’t even happened yet. I have no idea where real homework will fit in next year. I also never seem to get my lunch made for the next day and end up scrapping it or buying something.

One of my hard points is if DS goes to bed at 8:00, that only gives me 2.5 max to see him each day. And most of that time will be frantically running some schedule

Here are my ideas for improvement:

Continue to organize and simplify dinners and prepping lunches – total work in progress.

Have meals in the freezer for sick, busy or all hell breaks loose days.

Tell mom to schedule the dinners at her place in advanced so I can plan around them.

Eliminate more TV. It’s a drug like destresser for me but it warps time. I’d rather read or work on a hobby. And spend more quality time with DS, not just zoning.

Make a list of things DH must help with and assign him dinner days. Also a work in progress.

Go to bed at 10:00. Period. This is so I can get up earlier when the house is quiet and perhaps do some yoga or have a cup of tea.

And… hate to do it but it’s needed: I am taking 2 days of vacation time this month so I can have long weekend and clean my house! It’s in the sorriest shape ever and needs to be deep cleaned and organized before winter.

Take care!

Rhianna

Thanks for the commending! And BOY do I hear you on hair: we have some serious curlies and boy does that hair stress me out.

LOL too much stress.I think I'm getting a grocery store rotisserie chicken tonight. meh.

[Alyantavid]

Well, my kids are 3 and 7 and I leave work at 3:30 so I may not be much help.

A routine works best for us. We get home, hang out, cuddle, have snacks. Then we all pick up whatever needs picked up.

Then it's playtime for however long until it's time to make dinner. While I'm making dinner, I get the dishes done, lunch ready for the next day and help ds1 with any homework. DS2 floats around at this point, either watching a movie or playing or helping me cook.

We do baths every night, usually around 7 and then either read or play games for half an hour until bedtime.

I get up before everyone else and usually leave before them as well. Dh does all the morning stuff with the kids. I go home on my lunch breaks and usually pick up a little or do some dishes or laundry or whatever. Weekends are when I do the most cleaning and cooking. I spend a couple hours on Saturday morning cleaning while the boys watch their cartoons for the week. Laundry just gets done whenever the basket is full. On Sundays, I make lots of stuff we can eat for the week; breakfasts, muffins, whatever.

[Ellien C]

If it's dishes that are really stressing you out -

a few days of paper plates and disposable tin-foil pans is OK!

One of the things I realized about the mealmakers place I went to was that all of the dishes came home in disposable pans so that really cut down on dinner mess. Same for take out!

It may not be a popular opinion her on MDC, but I'm A-OK with 'sposie-anything when needed.

DH had to have foot surgery when he was home with DD as a baby and was laid up in bed completely for 2 weeks and not too useful afterthat. I learned to be OK with paper plates that could be shoved into the garbage after dinner.

I'm not saying everynight, but once in while that's OK.

[MrsTittlemouse]

I was reading the responses thinking that I would post about paper plates! I don't actually use them, but I have been in the same situation for a while and it stinks. I think I might get some tomorrow. You can find them so cheap. I know they are not great for the earth, but bringing back ease and simplicity is so important in our hectic lives.