New friends and old

[StarChild]

My 12yr old dd goes to a very small private school. She has been best friends on and off over the years with another girl from the class. The other girl left at the end of last year and started going to public school. They were inseparable over the summer, endless sleepovers, etc. The other girl has had some trouble adjusting to her new school and is stressed often, but we still see her at least a few times a month. She and her family decided to have a small Halloween party at their house. She and my dd talked about it a lot and what kind of games, snacks, etc.
Well the other mom (who I consider a friend) calls me today and says that the other girl is feeling stressed about mixing my dd with her new friends. She says that the other girl no longer wants my dd to come to the party. They hadn't set an actual date for it before and she suggested that I just not mention it to my dd at all and maybe she would forget about it!!
I consider this lying and I don't want to do that to my dd. I know she will be very hurt when she finds out that she is un-invited, even if she doesn't know the other girls.
Any suggestions? Please?

[34me]

No suggestions because I just find that so incredibly crummy, I just don't even know what to say...

[sunnmama]

Will the girls see each other in the upcoming weeks? If so, I'd encourage my dd to talk to her friend personally about the party. Her mom may wish that your dd would just "go away" and not bring it up, but that isn't reasonable or fair.

Next time the party comes up, I'd say something like "[friend] is a bit stressed out about her new friends meeting you at the party. You should talk to her about it." Honestly, my 8 yo would understand the issue, although she would be hurt and disappointed. She's had experience with old friends not liking her new friends, and vice versa.

It is obvious to me that the other mom should be explaining to her dd that leaving out your dd is not the right answer, and that the new friends aren't worth inviting if they won't be friendly to your dd. If it were my dd (having the party), I'd refuse to host the party under those circumstances.

[StarChild]

update

Well the friend's mother called after school today to tell me that when talking about the party to her daughter, the daughter was talking about dd coming to it. She asked her about inviting dd and she apparently said, "of course I am inviting her, why wouldn't I?"
I don't know if the mother was the one creating the situation the whole time or what?
If dd wants to go, I will let her, but I think it's best to steer toward other friends.
I wonder if my mom was this nerve wracked over my friend issues when I was 12!!??