What to do when BF baby won't leave mama's side

[brooker18]

I was told my my Mother in law that the reason my 4 month old cries when I am gone is because I wear her too much and only breastfeed her (she wouldn't take a bottle if she had too). She does cry uncontrollably when I leave (even with daddy) and it is causing some stress others. I rarely leave her but would love a night out with my husband. Any suggestions as to how to deal with this? I really think it is fine that she is so attached me too and my other two outgrew it after some time. I just don't know how to handle my MIL's comment and still have her watch the baby for me? ;

[Lil'Momma]

I really don't have any advice because I'm in the same position, but I did want to say this: my DD is EBF, but she does take a bottle/sippy of EBM every other day or so from Daddy and she has no problem with it. She will stay in daddy's arms and eat, play, coo and giggle as long as I am in the room. She will even eat from the bottle/sippy from daddy when I'm gone, but once she's done eating, all He*l breaks lose.

So you can tell MIL that she just loves Mama, that it has nothing to do with the "won't take a bottle" because she is so attached and might still act like that... some babies are just mama's babies...

I'm gonna be watching to see if anyone has any good advice because I'm really getting a little stressed that I can't even take a shower without her going bezerk!!

[noobmom]

I hate this argument. Why can't people just accept that even 4 month old babies have personalities and some are more comfortable with other people than others? Your MIL should be more concerned if your 4 month old didn't miss you, IMO. Anyway, sorry I don't have any good advice--DS was like this too and I simply did not leave him much. I think I went to the Walmart once with DH for 45 minutes when he was that age. Not exactly a night on the town. And when we got back, my mom told me that DS was crying so hard for 10 minutes she almost called me to come back home. I didn't leave DS with anyone other than DH again until he was almost 3. But, my parents/ILs don't live in the area anyway, so it's not really an issue.

[calgal1111]

MIL's can be hard, I have a great one but when it comes to grandbabies you can't blame em for wanting to spend time. DD is 4 months old and this is normal! My DD was the same way and now at almost 2 things have changed now. She loves MIL and FIL and would be happy to be left with them. Most babies grow out of this and as for bottle feeding mine wouldn't do that either.

I think the best thing to do for your baby is keep reintroducing your MIL make it a point and I would tell your MIL your plan. You would love DD to be able to be with her but you think it is going to take some time remember she is only 4 months old they have already done a lot of learning but there is so much more to go.

And as for daddy, it is important for him to find ways to comfort DD so I would make it a point of her getting comfortable with him too, walk away for a few minutes at a time. I can say that because I wish I had made more of a point of forcing DH to develop his own way of coping.

Hope this helps!

[The4OfUs]

eh, some babies are just intense and want mama. Sometimes, that sucks for mama. My daughter wouldn't even let my husband hold her for more than a couple minutes without screaming for me for the first 6 months. I had no inclination to force that on her, or on anyone else. I kept looking for glimmers of her being ready, following her lead, giving gentle nudges, but never forcing her to be with someone when she didn't want to. She was VERY attached to me through her first year and had intense separation anxiety. It's just her personality, the way she was built. The first time I was able to comfortably and regularly leave her for a couple hours was when she was about 18 months old. Yeah, that was a real drag sometimes...but it was only 18 months out of an *entire lifetime* - pretty short timespan in the grand scheme of things. And I feel like by respecting her real need for me in the early months of her life, she was secure enough to separate from me as soon as *she* was able/ready. She is now almost 3-1/2, and is not clingy. I'm sure that family and friends thought I was crazy and coddling her, but I saw zero value in forcing her as a preverbal toddler to be unhappy just to "get used" to other people caring for her. (Obviously, if we had to be separated for some reason she would have been forced to get used to someone else, but I wasn't going to make her 'practice' for that since there was no regular reason fro us to be separated).

I say honor the baby, and don't let anyone convince you that an infant "needs" to be used to other people or "has" to learn to have others watch them. If *you* want to get some time to yourself, that's one thing and just slowly try to get time away for small increments of time, and increase little by little...but I wouldn't let anyone strongarm you into thinking that because she cries for you at 4 months that there will never be another opportunity for you to help her become independent - there wil be hundreds of opportunities to help ease her into independence, doing it when she's not even been earthside for half a year seems so ridiculous to me. Can you have a date night with your hubby while she's asleep? Light candles, make a fancy dinner or rent a romantic movie, take a bath together or something like that at home?

Oh, and for whatever it's worth: my firstborn was not like this at ALL, he woudl go to anyone and be happy without me for hours...and I parented them both the same way - it's all about temperament, IMO.

[Beauchamp]

Originally Posted by The4OfUs

I say honor the baby, and don't let anyone convince you that an infant "needs" to be used to other people or "has" to learn to have others watch them. If *you* want to get some time to yourself, that's one thing and just slowly try to get time away for small increments of time, and increase little by little...but I wouldn't let anyone strong arm you into thinking that because she cries for you at 4 months that there will never be another opportunity for you to help her become independent - there will be hundreds of opportunities to help ease her into independence.

I need to remember this.

[The4OfUs]

Originally Posted by Beauchamp

I need to remember this.

It's difficult when you're in the thick of it with an intense baby and just want a flipping minute to yourself without them screaming.....I've been there. : to mamas of intense, super attached babies!

[Juvysen]

Both my kids were like that until around 6 months when "daddy fun time" was more exciting. : Ds was a very laid back baby that I could just set down and do my thing or hand over to other people, but if I left the room, he was just not thrilled, and when he wanted the boob, he wanted it *now*. Dd was just attached. To be honest, I'd prefer my kids *weren't* comfortable with other people - especially when they start walking. Both my kids started walking really early and would just try and run off (like, in the mall), but the moment a stranger tried to talk to them they'd run back to mama. It was a nice sort of security for me... I knew they wouldn't just go off with some stranger who picked them up. Their great grandmother (who rarely sees them) would get so furious that they wouldn't go right to her, though...

For what it's worth, they're both fairly independent, now... and pretty much ditch me the moment a grandparent walks in

[rlmueller]

I'll worry when

The kid is 13 and still won't let me out of the room. Until then--let me worry about it--I'm the mama.

[Anna's Lovey]

mil's are just mean, crabby people who seem to think that it's their job to make you feel bad about your parenting choices. That being said, i know it's hard having a super attached baby, mine was the same way, the only thing i can say is it gets better and it's only temporary.

[JudiAU]

Humph, maybe you should respond "Maybe she just doesn't like you..."

(sigh) But seriously, people can be so mean... She is four months old! She should want her momma...